Christianity Oasis Forum

[em]

So, here I go. It was suggested I start a journal but I didn't want to talk to myself! I left my husband of 25 years and my 17 y.o.son. The conflicts of 10 years finally broke me down. I needed so many things, like understanding, someone to just listen to me without giving advice, someone who didn't speak to me in a condescending way. someone who appreciated my paycheck as I was told my pay was insignificant, someone who doesn't think he's (and I quote ) 99% right all the time. There is so much more and I haven't been easy to live with either. I'm going through pre-menopause and it's REALLY bad emotionally. Counseling was not an option for my husband. The last fight we had I told him to leave and he said no because the house was his.....excuse me? My name is on the deed also! And he also suggested we live in the house separately but that would have been awkward and stressful considering my son lives in the house. So.....I left. I told my husband I was going to stay with my sister for a week but I had packed everything I own in my Suburban with no intention of returning. Discussing this was not an option as the conversation would have been another blow out. So I took the cowardly way out. I'm on my own now, divorce is in the process, I'm beingt treated for depression and pre-menopause. I miss my son so much that it hurts. And.....then I found out my husband is seeing someone, 9 months after I left. It's almost a year since I left. This situation is really heartbreaking because biblically, we are still married. I literally cry out to God to give me strength through this journey. I'm tired, and I miss my son. We were having dinner at my place once a week, but now there's always a reason why he can't. My 2 daughters, 23 and 24, don't call, and that bothers me as they know how brittle I am. I talk to my 21 y.o. son when I need help. I miss my children, and I'm in mourning. And I am rambling.

[Dora]

You're not rambling. You're sharing. This is a good place to get it out and take a look at it all. Amazing how much it helps.

Hope you share more soon. Praying for you.

I won't share advice since you're not looking for advice and I'm not sure I have any good advice to give you anyhow. I do hope you have begun this counseling that is offered here. It's free and has helped many!

I'm sorry you're in pain. I do know God can help all of this. His will be done in all these things.

[dema]

Em, I've been through menopause and I've been through divorce. If you want to talk to me privately or want to ask any questions, feel welcome.

I know it hurts. But please don't sink into yourself and depression. Talk to us here. Talk to God. Read Bible verses - attend your church if you have one. Reach out to Christian friends. And as you have the strength, send cards or letters to your children. And keep it positive in the cards and letters - no talking about your pain to the kids.

When you are depressed, and you certainly are in the position of being depressed, the devil will try to keep you tightly pulled into it. Contact with God and other people will give you a means of pulling out. It won't just make the depression go away "Poof" but it will give you a life line - a life preserver.

It takes years to get functional after a divorce. I didn't say well, I said functional. Eventually happiness grows.

Em, forgive yourself (I am not saying that you had any blame in the divorce - I just know that even saints blame themselves in that situation). Love yourself. We will pray for you.

[em]

Thank you Dema for your kind and positive words. I do have a wonderfully supportive group at church and work. If it wasn't for one particular friend at church I don't know where I'd be. Prayer is such a comfort because I know what I say will not be judged. I'm afraid to reach out to my children as I don't want them feeling any pain for me. I figure I'll just ride this journey with my friends and accept what my children do or don't do. I will continue to journal on-line as there may be others in my shoes who may be too timid to
share. I figure what do I have to lose, I have everything to gain!

[em]

Thank you Pine for your support! I also think this site will help me deal with my journey and I hope I can help others get through their similar journey by sharing.

[em]

So to continue.....I needed to drop off some tax papers to my husband who works from the house. He asked if I wanted to stay for lunch, I did and we had a comfortable time. We covered some things that needed discussing regarding the divorce papers, the selling of the house, etc. I felt surprisingly at ease, we even shared a funny topic. I figure it would be nice to be civil as we have 4 children, the youngest to graduate high school this spring and then off to Marine boot camp in September. Crazy....but I told my husband I've accepted the fact he has a 'friend' (even though he knows how I feel) because this is what he wants, I say 'fine'. This sounds bitter, but I need to move on and look up because there'll be more pain to come in the next 3-9 months.

[Dora]

It must be so difficult. So lonely and even confusing? Scary?

It is my prayer you get so wrapped up in God that you can't feel the pain and pressure of this world.

May the comforter bring you His blessings in their fullness. Joy, Peace, and Love in purity and abundance.

love ya

[em]

Get wrapped up in God so as not feel the pain if this world.....I love it!

[mlg]

em I feel your pain...I've been where you stand...and what I can tell you is that there is LIFE after divorce...you keep working on your relationship with God and strengthening your path with Him...and He will bring you True joy! What you so richly deserve.

Welcome to the Oasis. God Bless you hun.