Christianity Oasis Member Forum & Chat Room

Posted: **Tue Dec 29, 2009 8:58 pm**

My mind twists and turns with no rest.
Even at night my dreams are full of work and worry.

So much going on. So many what ifs. So many areas that require faith.
So many pulling on me.

This change it brings so many emotions.

Relief - I won't be expect to be or do by members anymore. At times I feel pressured to do what I don't feel led to do because a member feels it's my duty.

The hardened eyes will be removed. Those who automatically don't like me because I'm a moderator. I've never really cared about what they thought of me. And those who don't like me because I'm a moderator probably won't feel any different when I'm not. Though I have had one open up to me more already.

Fear - The instability of change. I hate change. Though I can't say I've ever had a year in my life where there wasn't change. There's always been something shaking up my world. Even a trip down state can make me nervous as I try to get everything in order for this change in my daily schedule.

sad - When I got into chat I'm usually there for a few moments before I think to look to see if we still have jackets or if they are gone. Then when I see they are still there I get a bit sad. As if we are in a club and the club is shutting down.

If I had to choose to keep the "club" called crew or the good this change will bring to the members then I'll be glad to remove the jacket for the sake of the members. It's all about them, what they need, and showing them Jesus.

I like the thought of not being separate from the members. I like the thought of us being one. I like the thought of being looked up to and that will be gone, but perhaps I can walk beside a few more who need a friend but have felt being a mod makes me to busy for them or being a mod makes me mean. So they've stayed at a distance.

worry - I do worry a bit about the protection. But I keep saying, "Gods got this. Just wait and see." If I didn't worry, I'd worry I must be dead, cause I always worry. *Whistle*

doubt in myself - I question if with out the responsibility behind me to keep me accountable would I continue to work so hard here or would I let things fade. To the point I'd loose my fervor for this work. I'm starting to think I won't. I think I'll continue as I have only now with a little more peace of heart that I don't have to be all to all.

During this time I feel the Lord very close. I am certain someone is praying. He keeps saying feed my sheep, feed my sheep, feed my sheep. With even more on my plate I know the need to refill virtue is even stronger!

This past few months I've been just tossed around. Bumbling through life, doing what ever is screaming for attention the most. When I've shared others have said put on your armor. I felt lost to even know where is my armor. Probably sounds a bit strange unless you've been there.

God loves me (a new concept to me), My salvation is secure through him, I am forgiven, made white as snow (all praise to him for this), he's got my footing, ever step secure in his will, and I've got my sword and use it daily. It is the most used book in the house.

I am feeling I am going to need time away. Not just here, but home as well. Four teenagers and four toddlers in my home. Very draining! My stress level is very high. My prayer life has moved from passive to aggressive. Prayer use to be lifting the family up if tuff times came, now it's knowing the tuff times are nearing ever so close. If we pass through this next two years easily it will be through the grace of God and his answer to prayers.

His will be done in all things..not my own.

God is good.

Members heavy on my heart: Livetheword, Ange, mlg, MTJ, and follower_of_Jesus
May Gods good and perfect will be done in their lives in all things. *Pray*

Posted: **Mon Jan 04, 2010 7:14 am**

As I watch new overseers come into the over seer forum I pause and think of how this is how it should be. Yes these are ones that should be there.

A few moments of dejavu this week in the chat room. Apparently things are how they should be.

luv ya all

Posted: **Mon Jan 04, 2010 11:16 pm**

I had a close friend that I would go to when I needed to share my problem with someone. After we were done talking I never felt any relief only added guilt that here I was a christian and not handling my problem in a manner the scriptures talk about. You know always being joyful, over coming, looking up, letting God handle my trouble, leaving them at the cross. You know all the right answers that I knew I should do, but wasn't capable or maybe wasn't willing to do at the moment.

No matter what she said, it didn't seem to help. Her words with scriptural backing just seemed to just glass over the issue. I would feel like I need to not share, because in truth all I was doing was showing her I once again wasn't able to overcome an issue in a Godly manner in perfect timing. As all good christians who are well seasoned should be able to do. At least that's how our talks would leave me feeling. So now I would have a struggle and on top of that I'd have guilt that I'm not a good christian who is well seasoned. I must not be or else I'd over come my struggle instantly instead of wresting with it.

Sometimes we get in such a rush in our busy lives we toss out these types of "encouragement" instead of actually taking the time to remember there is a real human who has human qualities behind this issue. They may be a believer, well seasoned in the word, but behind that is human with real human down falls.

I can't be perfect. Yet I often feel I'm expected to be perfect even during my struggles. Am I allowed to be human?

In my struggles I can't apply the words I know are true like soft butter on warm bread. Sometimes the butter is hard and the bread to soft. We must remember when sharing with others who are struggling, they to are human.

I think what triggered this moment is the video bring me rain. You know right now I don't want rain. Right now If I had the choice I'd ask him to just hold off on the storm, even if it's his will. Cause things are just to much. Maybe they wouldn't be if I could trust more. But then there we go, adding my down fall to my down fall. Now I have a struggle and guilt cause I can't handle it in a Godly manner. Can make a person feel like giving up. Can make a person feel like shutting up.

I see God in my struggles. I know God is working things out for His will. I know this will all pass. Even during knowing this I sit and argue with God. I can hear him saying come on you know what's up. And I sit and shake my head. What a spoiled rotten brat I am. But he doesn't leave my side. There is no good in me. Yet he still stays. When I consider his love and patience I tear up.

We can fall into this routine of just hand out spiritualized answers. This dagone life is hard! And the enemy sits and waits for any little chance he can find to bring us down. Smoothing over a problem with a spiritualized answer isn't the answer.

I'm not done yet and he's not done with me yet. I just don't have the energy to fight full force. I did find my armor. Apparently I got so busy I totally forgot about it. It seems to fit a bit better after all the spiritual growth I'm going through.

I also found an old post by p.w. from before I was a member here that spoke volume to me. To hear someone else say exactly how I feel brings a peace that I can make it through this. Because someone else already did.

God bless and keep you each one.
Love ya all dearly. *hug*

Posted: **Tue Jan 05, 2010 9:19 pm**

Wow! I went to guitar lessons tonight and sat in the foyer waiting. While there I spent the time in prayer. Any moment alone with out distractions is grabbed for quiet prayer time. My mind racing a million miles an hour as I worry and fret over everything and every one. I didn't want to take lessons tonight as I didn't think I would be able to concentrate on the notes and end up frustrated. This is for the Lord though so I dedication my lesson to him and ask for him to lead it.

Sitting there I realized I allow these thoughts to consume me. What if I turned this around and allowed thoughts of the Lord and his word flow through my mind as much as I did the thoughts of worry and fear.

Peace flowed over me. I walked into my lessons with a smile and knew exactly what we were to work on. Usually she tells me. This time I opened my gospel book to In The Garden and said I'd like to work on this song, even if I spend the entire lesson on learning one line. I walked out understanding how to play not only In The Garden but another song as well. Was the Lord not in this? I am certain he was guiding me and the instructor.

One evening of Victory in Jesus!

Was talking in pm to someone who was struggling. I knew I hadn't the advice she needed. Who am I to think I can give the right words to someone to help them through this huge struggle. So I asked for His words. And relaxes as I listened to not only this other person but to him. I really didn't say much. With in a few minutes this person shared how much I helped. lol

I was like wow! But I really didn't do anything to help. Then it dawned on me. It wasn't anything I said. The change came from the Holy Spirit working with this persons heart. Was very neat to see.

God is good.

Posted: **Thu Jan 07, 2010 1:52 pm**

The enemy knows how to push my buttons.
I figure is something keeps creeping up on me and stealing my joy, it must be a button the enemy is pushing.
Gotta learn to not let him.
It causes me to be so moody.

I sure do appreciate everyone here.
Thoughts of you warm my heart.
Seems there's not one moment in the day I don't think of one of you.

In His service