Christianity Oasis Forum

[Christnundrconstruxn]

oh mlg I cried when I read your post, why you say...I sleep with 4 pillows 2 under my head and 2 next to that and sometimes when I am feeling alone or "hurting" at night I pull the one into my arms (stops to wipe more tears) and curl up and imagine as I fall asleep.
THANK YOU!!
I hate to hear someone else feels this way but it's good to hear it from someone else, well I have to go good thing church is only a block and a half got 8 minutes
God bless
Cuc

[Christnundrconstruxn]

well it has been almost a month since my last post here, so here goes nothing.
As for me and my wife we are just as before, I do as I can for her and the kids only to hear or see NOTHING in return
now please know that's NOT why I do it but it would still be nice for it to be noticed, instead all I get is a call when something else is needed or one of them needs cash.......it's so nice to be loved!
It's been a year and almost 5 months since the seperation and I still just feel like a broken record, it's the same empty life day in and day out, the only thing that is the same is God and His love and I AM thankful for that but I just get SOOO tired of the same empty life here, I really wish if this is all it is from here on that He would just take me away from here, I have said since day one of the breakup of my marriage I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE!!
I continue to beg for His forgiveness for what I turned into and ask that he gives me the strength to be what He designed me to be, I still do some of the things I think He wants me to be involved in, we went out to do our homeless outreach last week and He showed me something that was heartbreaking but cool to be a part of, we have been doing this outreach for 3 months, I don't go out every week but because the others that go out were on a mission trip to Ethiopia I committed to going out during this time, we always have a couple of stops that I enjoy but it just wasn't the "homeless" type of stops I was wanting to encounter, these were stops at places were people had a roof and warm bed (that's about all but atleast that) I wanted to reach some of the ones out on the streets and riverbanks, while standing in the lot where we meet (usually no one else shows up) God brought 4 ladies to us that night IN THE RAIN so theres the first awesome part, then these ladies were telling us of the goods they brought to give out, my partner (the leader of this outreach) had to excuse his self for a minute so I started to describe for the ladies what and where we go and as I was speaking with them I told them of my feelings of wanting to reach the true "homeless" as well as these other stops.
We went to our 1st stop which is a riverbank that we could tell someone was "camping" there BUT we never encountered them, but on this day we as always we announced ourselves as we entered the area only to hear....a response.
Bobb was not the "camper" BUT he was homeless and sitting there with his only friends (until that night) 2 40 ounce bottles of cobra, as we talked we realized bobb needed shoes and guess what one of the ladies had....along with some clothes and socks and a few snacks, I tried to get him to eat but he said he wasn't hungry (very common reaction of one who has fell into the alcoholic addiction) I had a brother that died of alcohol and he would go for days without eating.
so we talked with bobb and let him know we cared and that God loved him, we prayed for and with him before leaving, I so hope God shows us tonight where he is and allows us to minister to him some tonight as well.
I love to feel like I'm making that little difference in someone like thats life, I think some of that is selfish of me because some of it is I need that person to want me as much as I want to help them, I saw SOOO much of my brother in bobb that night and it breaks my heart, and to know if I hadn't of had the love for God and the trust that He will carry me through and the love of a few friends I might have been sitting right next to bobb drinking my life away because the pain of the life lost was too much just as with bobb.
I recieved a call from the wife and kids yesterday, it's not good at all, I had a dog that was mine since he was a pup on the street (almost got hit) I picked him up he was so small I held him in one hand....that was 13 or so years ago now he is a big lab-chow mix but he is the best dog I ever had, but my youngest daughter was so attached to him I couldn't take him with me when I moved out so he stayed with them for that reason and for protection too.
He has ALWAYS been a good dog and never vicious but apparently they opened the door to put him out on the chain and he ran out across the open yard (which he has done before only to "do his buisiness" and come over to be chained well as they were yelling for him to come back a neighbor decided to try and PICK HIM UP!!! a full grown lab-chow mix that has NOT missed any meals and is 13 years old WHAT WHERE YOU THINKING!!!!! he bit him 3 times now the biggest problem with all this we never had any issues with him and he was fenced in a 6 ft fence where we lived together but were they moved it is open so hince the chain, he did not have tags or his shots...ever so now ontop of EVERYTHING else we are probably going to be sued AND fined!!!
oh and the twins birthday is in less than 2 weeks so there is that to contend with and the wife's done made a comment she wants me to help put on the party SHE'S having for them oh AND wanted to know if we could do a JOINT membership in the one thing I got them last year, so not only am I going to pay for a party that is not from me but the one thing that IS from me she wants to share the membership to it this year....and that's what the kids want too so they can go more often, so what is going to happen.....they will be spending time with her doing the one thing I had to encourage them to spend time with me......I just can't win!!
Oh yeah don't forget the bankruptcy that I need to pay for because her lawyer said NO he'll be fine everythings in her name...WRONG AGAIN!!!
so yes I'm just a little stressed and bummed ONTOP of being alone, BUT I GOT GOD!!!!
I seriuosly thank Him for not leaving or foresaking me

[mlg]

You know that saying...you either laugh or you cry? Well my precious friend...let's laugh.

Alrighty...so life's thrown you a bunch of curb balls...and they all surround money, the kids, the ex, the dog who did a bad thing...yada yada yada I know it's stressful...but it's not worth throwing in the towel yet...God is not done...all those curb balls do not compare to what you did with that homeless man...you gave Him something that God has given you so freely and that is love...in the grand scheme of things stop looking at all the problems and start looking through them...let me ask you something...before all you have been through...were you and God as close as you are now? Would you have been out on the streets ministering to souls, telling them what God has done for you? Would you be here at the Oasis...reaching souls who are where you have been? You my dear have so much more to do for God still...so don't quit...don't you allow the enemy to keep wanting you to leave this life behind...live this life my friend and live it fully...get out there and fight for every soul God places in your path...fight to show the enemy that you will share God's truth, His message and most of all His plan of Salvation for another.

And those curb balls...they are small compared to know a soul may die today and not know our Jesus...

Please know, I am not dismissing your troubles in anyway here...I'm just hoping to help you see a bigger picture. My prayers will be with you...that God may bring you out of the troubled waters soon and onto the calm peaceful shore.

luv ya lots

[Christnundrconstruxn]

And they're still comin mlg,
I got a call yesterday before I left to go to the outreach it was my wife (I still feel weird calling her that even though we are still married) she was broke down on the freeway IN rush hour traffic so HI HO SILVER AWAY off to save the day!!!
sorry I just couldn't help it
I get there to find she had not put any oil in it for a while but she put a quart into it before leaving work that day but also admitted that she knew it was leaking worse....2+2=???? anyways I grab her up get off the freeway till traffic can die down, go back put oil into it only to hear it click...it won't even turn so I told her it's probably done we're going to have to tow it
we go through major run arounds trying to get a tow truck finally get it towed to my house and as we are sitting there waiting my oldest daughter calls FUMING MAD!! apparrently the rental office of where they live is revoking thier pet privileges which means now they not only cannot have the dog that was ONLY defending himself BUT they also have to get rid of the other dog THAT DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING!!! so now I being the loving dad I am is going to take BOTH dogs to my house, so let's recap shall we fines, tags, shots, fence, doctor bills, then we have her car, the twin's birthday on the 12th, oh yeah I need to buy an air conditioner because my little house is hot and no air, I have 2 trees that needed to be gone weeks ago that are now full of berries and going to get tracked in on my laminate floors that's gonna cost!
oh don't forget the 2000 lb piece of scrap metal sitting in front of my house.
UGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
But I still Got GOD!!!!!! and He's awesome!!! (take that satan )
I had a talk with my wife though and it really surprised me we actually had a long talk without any anger rising from either of us
It's not that bad but it just seems like it's just slamming us both hard right now so if led to prayers would be appreciated.
God bless

[Christnundrconstruxn]

Oh and mlg I forgot...it worked I smiled from ear to ear
Thanks sis

[mlg]

if only you could have seen the day I had yesterday....was truly a terrible day...but I'm still laughing...and now that I see I wasn't alone in having a terrible day I can't help but sit and giggle...while yours consisted of

ines, tags, shots, fence, doctor bills, then we have her car, the twin's birthday on the 12th, oh yeah I need to buy an air conditioner because my little house is hot and no air, I have 2 trees that needed to be gone weeks ago that are now full of berries and going to get tracked in on my laminate floors that's gonna cost!
oh don't forget the 2000 lb piece of scrap metal sitting in front of my house.
UGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

mine went along the lines of wedding planners, crying bridal mothers, fighting bride and groom families, disco balls, members mad over wedding, threats to have security haul the wedding party off premesis, etc...etc....but all in all...

I continue to laugh too. Hey go check my post out in my journal today...I assure you, you will smile again...

Hope you don't feel like I'm hijacking your journal here.

luv ya

[Christnundrconstruxn]

don't be silly, I would be lost without the replies, that is part of why I started to post this kinda stuff and to just get it out and vent but I love the replies.
I'm sorry you had such a bad day doing something that SHOULD be about the happy's not people acting childish and ruining whoever's wedding it was, satan just don't realize "it ain't happenin" we won't let him steal the thunder from God, He IS our rock.
God bless you (and the bride and groom too)
much love Cuc

[Christnundrconstruxn]

Wow over a month since I have posted here
I don't know where to start, I have had the dogs for a while and other than having to "retrain" them as for NOT getting on the furniture and not standing in the yard barking at EVERYTHING including a leaf blowing across the yard
I have the fence and one side is almost done but will wait for the heat to break a little first (110 and 115 heat index for today and thursday) I can't take that kinda heat anymore.
As for me and my wife, I don't think it is going to change I think it is like it always has been with her, she doesn't know what she wants, she is one to "sweep it under the rug" and I'm tired of being under there I want out
So I think I have come to a deadline I am going to continue as I am until the 2 year mark and if nothing changes then I feel it's time to move on and I will ask for a divorce. I just can't take being her night in shinning armor when she needs but kicked to the curb when I'm not needed.
Now for the latest adventure, the Pastor wants me to do the floor in the annex agian, 2500 sq ft needs scrubbed and waxed but it cannot be shut down for more than a couple days and all I have is a 15-17" scrubber, too small, so I ask if we could invest in a larger unit yes sure I was told but we have to find one for cheap, and yours truly gets to hunt for it also I have had 3-4 guys in the price range but when it comes to making the deal, it falls through, I have had NO luck with it.
I left work yesterday and drove to the church to see if they needed any help with the food pantry and as I pulled into the church lot my car makes this awful grinding sound I stop and get out to find my front wheel leaning badly and realize I have a broken ball joint it cannot be moved i have no other car and I cannot get hold of the tow co. or the repair shop grrrrrrrrr so as I am standing there I realize one thing, this could have happened ANYWHERE it didn't, it was like something or someone held it together until I pulled into the church lot and I didn't hear the typical pop or snap sound you would hear it was like I hit a bump (no bump there) and it started to grind, so non believers can say whatever but I KNOW my God held it together until it was time, so even though I had the trouble getting it to the shop and even though I might not have a car for work the next day and even though I will have a 2-4 hundred dollar bill that I cannot afford....I got an AWESOME God like that!!!!! yes I still get upset but it makes it almost go away when I think of how it all happened.
He tends to remind me in the sillest ways that He has not given up on me, but I'm listening.
So that is it in a nut shell....for now
God bless all who read this and who enter the Oasis
Cuc

[Christnundrconstruxn]

I have something on my mind that I was not going to post here but it is really bothering me and I don't know who else to turn to due to the fact the ones in question are part of my church.

I was told the other day by my youngest daughter that before she could tell me I had to promise not to get mad
I know from this I am about to get....mad, she proceeds to tell me that a couple in our church that actually took over the youth ministry after me and my wife seperated and I first then her stepped out of the ministry had went to a mother of a young man that had been friends with my oldest daughter for a few years and they had started getting closer and were on and off dating and hanging out, she then proceeds to tell what the young man said they told his mother (please brace yourself and I am sorry if I offend anyone but this is how I was told) first that they thought she should keep him away from my daughter because she came from 2 broken unruly homes and was not a good choice for him because she was a --- and hor.....EXCUSE ME!!!!!
Now a few years ago I would have been at their door beating it off the hinges (if not kicking it in) and knocking the heck outa which ever one opens the door!!
BUT I am proud of myself, I kept my cool and talked with my daughter as if it was not anything that bothered me (inside I am exploding with anger) but told her not to let it bother her or my oldest daughter because they knew it was not true.
Now my issue is I still have a problem with how I am to react, I CANNOT just let this go but I promised not to say anything and these 2 so called Christians smile and speak to me EVERYTIME they see me in church and even though I (along with every other youth parent and youth student) did NOT like their methods of running the youth and no one else seeings how they were removed from the youth quickly after a short time I still spoke and acted as a Christian should BUT that was before they crossed the line of disrespecting my kids!!

Now just to be fare my kids are NOT angels they do things that are not Christian like or such that a teenager should do BUT my daughter does NOT sleep around and forsure does NOT do it for money!!! and yes they do come from a broken home BUT me and my wife try to show them what it should be like instead of acting like most couples back biting and down talking the other, I still demand respect to their mother from all of them and no I don't agree with some of the things they do but DON'T ever make that mistake of running them down!! they ARE good kids but they are just that KIDS!!

now to give you insight to these "wonderful" Christian people, they found out their 9-10 year old son had stole some little item from the store, instead of punishing him in a way he would learn from it they instead degraded and embarrased him beyound belief by making him walk around for a day or so with a billboard (front and back) on saying he was a thief and a liar and some other stuff, now I'm in no way saying I would let my child get away with this but I think I would have delt with it in a different way, they act as his drill instructor NOT his parents, 9-10 years old and I have NEVER seen him smile or act his age and he is NOT a bad kid but in my opinion this is a child that is going to grow up and hate his child hood
I mean you see these stories where the child shoots the parents and says God or the devil or someone else told them to do it because they have lost touch with reality that is what I fear for this child and their oldest daughter ran away years ago never to return, and they have only heard from her a hand full of times.

Until now I only shook my head at the ways they had but as I said they crossed a line they should not have crossed with me I love my kids more than life and even though they are not angels they ARE my angels!!!
I'm sorry if I offend anyone with this, but I would truly like some input as to how I should proceed and please know that no matter what I know God is at my side and I will NOT step down to anger or do anything out of anger
Thanks for reading and caring
God bless
Cuc

[xxJILLxx]

cuc my goodness, that made me soul cry

I am so sorry for this. Only by the strength of God would i be able to hold my anger down. I dont know what these people are thinkin and it is truly sad, especially when babes are involved. double , ya kno?

I had a kind of similar experience with the youth group as someone's 300 dollar phone was taken and some money during a youth service. And the youth pastor held a selective group (which my daughter was in) against their will till after 11pm on a school nite. Which after leaving work i went straight over, while at work i had no idea what was going on. IN any event i was not happy, and neither was vahn. The way we handled it was, i went in and expressed my concerns with the then youth pastor which he just casually blew me off... then we wrote down all the facts and then called the pastor of the church and expressed our concerns. He assured us he would look into it and was appalled at the actions. He did handle it, i dont know the exact details... but i know it was handled in the right way.

So that is what i would do, and reassure your child that the Lord does not work like this. And that these people are blinded into their own oblvious way of thinking they can obtain perfectness in this world of imperfect people, and actually what they are fighting against and for is not for God's glory. So to whos glory is it? Its a shame by far. There is only One perfect and that is God himself.

Praying for yall cuc
Love yall
♥Jill

[Christnundrconstruxn]

Thank you Jill, I know if it was about me I wouldn't care, they could talk all they want and say anything they want BUT when they start calling my kids awful names and accusing me and my wife of not handling our kids when I along with several others (that I have over heard) NOT gossiped with do not agree with their actions but I don't go around slandering them OR their children and when they were in charge of the youth and did things that NO one agreed with I told my kids SHOW RESPECT!! and handle it in a way you think God would want, and now I find myself wondering how to do just that.

they even as the leaders took the name away from the youth, don't sound like much but let me explain, the name was
"The Cross Carriers Youth Group" and they even had a verse Luke 9:23, what did they change it to on their own without ANY input from ANY one including the other leaders or the youth themselves "The Underground"......really, I don't know but it almost sounds to me as if it would be a name of a satanic group NOT a youth group and with no meaning or group verse as before.
I'm just having a hard time dealing with my anger in all of this but as I said before I know God stands beside me and with that I CAN and will do as He wishes and no less or no more.
Again thank you for your support and input
God bless sis
Cuc

[Christnundrconstruxn]

well I have done nothing about the stuff I spoke of earlier, I just let it go.
I feel that I did not handle it BUT maybe not handling it was the best way to handle it
On with the rest of my boring story,
I am in fear of the next week due to my son will be leaving and going back to his mothers and starting school, his being here has been a blessing in more ways than one, his being here has allowed me to concentrate on him instead of my being alone and his being here has kept the stress down because he is not clashing with his sisters or mom and we (me and him) have not clashed either, just once I have had to express to him that he was getting a little lazy with the messes and keeping things picked up (he's 14 years old) so he's been doing GREAT!!
But I know when he leaves I will be back to being here alone and even with him here I still feel that void of companionship but I ignore it by distacting myself with him but I am tired of being alone and cannot keep using his being here to cover that up but I cannot afford to file for the bankruptcy let alone file for divorce and without filing for divorce I don't feel it is right to go looking for companionship from any other woman and there is no hope left in our marriage or reconnecting with each other...I have tried for the last year or so only to get my hopes up and have them tore down, I can't do that anymore
I won't change how I try to do for her but I don't want to look at her with hopes of saving our marriage only to remain cival and raise our kids as best as we can and I will ALWAYS do anything I can to help support our kids, I just continue to put myself into a position of heartbreak and disapointment and I cannot keep doing this and heal myself so I need to go back to the way I felt before as far as our marriage......it's over.
She had told me that she would consider SLOWLY looking into weather there was anything left but that is as far as it went no matter what I tried and didn't ever push....nothing changed, I can't take the torment anymore
She has also filed her bankruptcy which when she filed was told by her lawyer I was fine and they wouldn't pursue me but when I questioned another lawyer I was told yes they would in fact come after me so I tried to start saving to put a down payment on the start of my bankruptcy and every time I get a couple hundred she needs something and I spend it or give it to her, what she does not understand is if I don't file this they will take everything I got and then I won't be able to help her in any way weather it is paying a electric bill or phone bill so they are not with out contact or the kids school fees
I have NEVER told her no for anything since we have been seperated and she does not ask for much and has not filed for child support so I try to do anything I can but I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I just ask that prayers would be said for answers to my needs so I can wipe the slate clean of the enormus debt that she is now free of and will fall all on me now and to do all I can for my kids and be happy with someone else if she does not want to be with me anymore, I'm just tired of this empty stress filled ending to this part of my life and wish he would show me the way to rise above it before it's too late.
much love to you all
Cuc