Christian Scars of Salvation
Testimony

Christian Scars of Salvation Testimony

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Scars Of Salvation

Christian Scars of Salvation Testimony

Salvation Testimony Healing With Message

My past gives new meaning to the words "messed up." My life was a total train wreck that God had a plan for before I even knew Him. All through school I was the quiet and yet a good student. My teachers, fellow students, even others outside of our family all thought that I was just a quiet very well behaved child. My dad and mom had taught me well or so they thought! Inside there was a lonely child, afraid to reveal who she really was for fear of ridicule, fear of being judged, and for fear of being rejected. The fears where overwhelming at times. So much so I would be in bed at night, my heart in so much pain and anguish that I thought it would just stop.

Just to share with you why the fear, pain and anguish was there I will tell you what a typical evening after school was like. I would get home from school first make sure all my homework was done because I knew if it wasn't when dad got home I would be in trouble. It all had to be completed before he got in from work. If I got finished in time I would help mom with dinner. Then, dad would arrive home. You are probably saying, now well that sounds like the typical family no big reason for pain or fear. In every sense of the word typical we were to everyone around. I mean think about it dad, mom, older brother, and me how much more could you ask for?

Behind closed doors, away from the outside eye, my dad was a very cold and abusive person. I don't just mean in one form or the other abusive but in every form of the word. After dinner most nights, and lots of times over the weekends, my dad would have work buddies over. They liked to drink and they didn't just have a beer or two they were drunk. I would be off to myself most of the time trying to just disappear because when that happened I wanted to disappear. After awhile my dad would yell for me I wouldn't answer hoping he would just forget. He would yell again louder this time and keep on yelling if I didn't come to him, he would find me anyway. I tried many times to hide to get away but if never worked. My dad and his friends would do unspeakable things. Things that no child should ever have to endure at the hands of a "loving" parent.

Crying was an every day part of my life. I would always do it in private though never revealing my true feelings to anyone. I shut everyone out of my life didn't talk to anyone and didn't have any friends. I became very bitter, resentful, and confused. When I was nine I found a friend or should I say she found me. She was always talking to me and wouldn't stop. At school during gym, lunch, while waiting for the bus everywhere I turned she was there. She was different than the others. For the first time I felt like someone really cared. She told me about Jesus. She told me that He would help me no matter what my problem was. I was permitted, after many endless days of asking repeatedly, to attend church with her. I went with her that day I accepted Christ. I thought everything was good now and it would all stop. It didn't, I went home so excited of the new life I had. I felt so good unlike any other time in my life.

I told my dad and mom what had happened. My dad was quick to say I wouldn't be allowed to go with my friend anymore and that it was all a bunch of lies that I had been told. I was nine I didn't know what or who to believe. That night was really bad. My dad came in to me after I had went to bed. He told me I wasn't made to understand things and not to try and figure them out. He said I was made to please him not any so called god I might think I knew. He told me that I forgot too quickly that I was his daughter and then he forced me to do the things he had so many times before. I was even more confused and hurt than before. This went on continuously my dad and the men he worked with and by age fourteen I was pregnant.

My dad wasted no time in taking me for an abortion. He took me. My mom stayed home and he waited in the office. I was alone other than the doctor and the nurse performing it. I won't go into details but for a fourteen year old girl that was even more traumatic than the things that had happened leading up to that day. If someone could withdraw into them self anymore than I already was, I did at that point. My dad didn't do those things after that. I was relieved and felt a burden lifted from me but all the while I was wondering where are you God. I let You come into my life so long ago but where have You been? I felt as though God had left me.

I started to pray everyday seeking, searching, looking for something to help with what I was going through. I didn't feel like any of my prayers where being answered. I kept on though because I had nothing to lose. I started to feel a peace come into my life. A calm in the midst of the storm. He was starting to mend scars. Yet again the walls came tumbling down. My dad didn't bring the men home with him anymore, but he was doing things to me again. It wasn't as much as before and I never really knew when it was going to be.

Graduation day came and then fall. My dad didn't want me leaving for college but I was determined that I was getting out. I needed away from his grip no matter the cost. He told me how stupid I was and that I would never be anything more than I was now. I had no help from my parents going to college but set out with a fire under me to succeed I was going to prove my dad wrong.

In college I was still dealing with the demons that haunted me from all the previous abuse but I felt free for the first time. Like a caged bird that was set free. I was still quiet didn't have any friends and very withdrawn. The fears where all still there I didn't want anyone to find out what had happened. In order for them not to find out, I couldn't get close to anyone. I never opened up and never shared that part of myself. As I got into my second and third year of college, God really started working. I had been attending a local church for quiet awhile by this time and I was seeing God's healing work begin in my life. I started seeing what had happened. The deep wounds it has caused and those very wounds within me turning to scars they were no longer open sores. They were mended by The Great Physician.

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