Short Skits for Church

Living Water at Christianity Oasis

John 7:38  He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said,
out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water.

Quench your thirsty soul!

Christian Short Skits for Church

Short Christian Skits for Adults and Teens

Welcome to the Christianity Oasis Ministry Christian books section known as Purity Publications where we present to you a vast collection of 100% free eBooks. Searching for the perfect Christian Skit from a Church drama collection? These thought provoking and extremely enLIGHTening Christian short skits for Church as well as short Christian skits for adults and for the Christian child in you is a true blessing shared with us by a Church Drama Team from their Church drama collection of skits which will bring a smile to your lips and heart with genuine Christian messages sharing Christian morals which will truly enhance your YOU-nique Christian walk.

Free Christian Short Skits For Church
FUN-tastic Short Christian Skits For Adults

I am on the Church drama team and I write the material for Christian short skits for Church. On the following pages you will find a few of my favorite Christian Skits, some of which (though scheduled) have yet to be performed. Some of the Short Christian skits for adults included below are intended to show the Christian cause to reflect on God's goodness to us. Other Christian Skits are designed to impact our approach to living the Christian life and to give us encouragement to be involved in God's work.

In addition to single worship performances, I am including one of the multiple service Christian Skit dramas. It is intended to cover several weeks. We have found that this approach not only produces the effects listed in the preceding paragraph, but also is an instrument for continued church attendance as worshipers get "hooked" on the Christian skits story lines and want to come back to see what happens to the characters.

The last set of short Christian skits for adults that I have included are a series of Christian skits that some of our adults performed for the children during a one week long Vacation Bible School.

Short Skits For Church
Table of Contents

Adult Single Service

Angel Visit
Basketball
Bible Reading
Church Front Door Fairy
Financial Marriage Counseling
Grandpa's Commitment to Christ
Tax Time

Adult Multiple Service

Nervous Captain Series (1-6)

Children

Pirates of the Christians Series (1-5)

The Angel's Visit Christian Skit

CAST: June, Ted, Mary, Angel

SETTING: Home

PROPS: Gaudy Necklace

Mary and June are on stage.

Mary: Thanks for having me over June. We'd sure love to see you at one of our Ladies' Missionary Outreach meetings.

June: What do you do there?

Mary: We write encouraging notes to our missionaries and put together gift baskets for them. We also sponsor some fund raising activities for them; and we have a good time while we're together.

June: Gee, I'd love to Mary, but I'm about to start a second job. I just don't have time.

Mary: I understand. I'll see on you Sunday. Bye!

June: Okay. Thanks again for coming by today.

(Mary leaves. A moment later Ted enters from a different direction, carrying necklace as a surprise gift.)

Ted: Hi Honey! I'm home. Was that Mary?

June: Yes. She came over for tea.

Ted: Did you have lots of entertaining girl talk?

June: It was nice, well except for when she would talk about missions and giving. I would love to help, but we just don't have the money right now. You know that I'm having to start that new job just to meet our debts.

Ted: Yeah, we just can't help, not with the house payment, the two cars, the internet-cell phone-cable package, swimming pool maintenance, our credit card debt, your spa and my country club membership, we can't spare a dime.

June: I know. We're still paying for last year's Christmas and it's almost time to start buying again!

Ted: Hey, let's not talk about depressing things. You want to go out and eat?

June: Sure! You know me; why eat at home when someone else will do the dishes!

Ted: Great, because I have some good news.

June: What?

Ted: I got a big raise today! And here's a gift for you to celebrate! (Puts necklace around June's neck.) It's a special, one of a kind designer necklace.

June: Thank you Honey! It's beautiful! Does that mean we can start planning our next big vacation?

Ted: Maybe, but I was thinking about getting that boat we've always wanted.

June: Or maybe we can replace our furniture and you can get a new wide screen TV.

Ted: You might have something there. Our TV is what, 2 years old? The newer wide screen TVs are amazing. I just have to have one.

June: With my new job, maybe we can get the boat too!

Ted: That's a good idea! You know, maybe we could look at getting a bigger house.

June: That would be wonderful. Something with a big dining room. You know how much I love to entertain! (pause) I think I hear a knock at the door. I bet you Mary left something.

Ted: (Loudly) Come in; it's open!

Angel enters from same direction that Mary left.

Ted: I don't believe I know you. Can we help you with something?

Angel: Do you know in the Bible where it says that sometimes you may entertain angels unaware?

Ted: I think I've heard that.

Angel: I am an angel sent by God with this message, thus says the Lord: You fools. Your souls are required of you tonight! Now, who will all of these things you have belong to? You are to come with me. Oh, and June, leave the necklace; you can't take it with you.

June removes the necklace as all exit the stage.

Basketball Christian Skit

CAST: Smith, Jones

SETTING: Court

PROPS: 1 basketball, Bible

Smith: (Walking up - with Bible) Hey Jones! Wanna go shoot some hoops?

Jones: (With basketball.) Sure! You want the ball first?

Smith: Not here. I'm going to Jesus' place. He's got a great court. Not like this dump.

Jones: How do you get there?

Smith: Just follow the Romans Road.

Jones: You say it's better there?

Smith: Yeah. He has a real nice court instead of this sandy stuff - and no sand spurs!

Jones: Sounds good, I get tired of picking them out of my hands.

Smith: (Hands the Bible to Jones) Here are the rules for His court.

Jones: Rules?

Smith: Yeah, no cheating, no foul play, no evil is allowed there.

Jones: So I don't have to worry about getting an elbow in my ribs when I'm doing a lay-up?

Smith: No!

Jones: What about kicked in the shin?

Smith: No! Oh, and plenty of water to drink with a nice place to rest when you're tired. Food too. As a matter of fact, whatever you need is there - and it's free!

Jones: I don't know. I don't think it's for me right now.

Smith: What do you mean?

Jones: You know how I like to pull a guy's shorts down when he's taking a jump shot?

Smith: Yeah.

Jones: I won't be able to do that there.

Smith: But you're drinking hot water out of the faucet here, when you could have cold, clear water there.

Jones: But I want to make up my own rules and play ball my way.

Smith: But your way is leading you nowhere. You'll always be stuck here playing in hot sand, when you could have it so much better.

Jones: But this is where all of my friends are.

Smith: You can invite them to come along. Jesus' Father wants everyone to come to His house.

Jones: No, my friends won't like it there either. I'm just going to play here.

Smith: Okay. I can't make you go. The court is always open, but you can never know when the invitation will close. Just do me a favor? Study the materials I gave you. It tells you all about the benefits of playing there compared to where you are now.

Bible Reading Christian Skit

CAST: Mom, Dad

SETTING: Kitchen Table

PROPS: 2 chairs, table, newspaper

Dad reads the paper at the table as Mom enters and sits.

Mom: I was just talking with Crystal.

Dad: What's new with our oldest daughter? Another new boyfriend today?

Mom: No, she was telling me about Paul and Timothy.

Dad: Are those her last 2 boyfriends?

Mom: No. They were men in the Bible. Paul I've heard of, but who is Timothy?

Dad: Timothy? Oh yeah, he was Bob Cratchit's son.

Mom: Wasn't that Tiny Tim?

Dad: No, Tiny Tim was the guy who sang Tip Toe Through the Tulips.

Mom: Oh? I don't think Bob Cratchit was in the Bible. I think he was in the story by Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol. You know, with Mr. Scrooge?

Dad: You could be right. I always get Mr. Scrooge confused with Donald Duck's Uncle Scrooge. So, why is our daughter talking to you about these people?

Mom: She wanted help with her Sunday School lesson.

Dad: Really? You should have told her just like the Good Book says, that God helps those who help themselves.

Mom: That won't work anymore.

Dad: Why not? Isn't she the one who says we should use the Bible as a guide for our lives?

Mom: Well, yes. But the last time you told her that God helps those who help themselves, she told me that wasn't in the Bible.

Dad: You're kidding me! Of course it's in there. She just doesn't know it.

Mom: Honey, Crystal told me she's read the whole Bible, more than once, and it's not there.

Dad: The Bible's got to be over 1,000 pages! That takes a long time to read. When did she read it? In the 3 days between boyfriends?

Mom: On one of the cover pages of her Bible, she writes down every time she finishes it. She says she starts at the beginning of Genesis and reads 4 pages everyday until she gets to the end of Revelation. She says it takes around a year.

Dad: Still, she must have overlooked that verse.

Mom: I don't think so. We don't even know what's in the Bible and what's not. We don't know who Timothy is. I'm thinking we should read it for ourselves. In just a few years, she'll be married and have children of her own. I think we should be able to tell our grandchildren what the Bible really has to say.

Church Front Door Fairy Christian Skit

Object Lesson: Christians should change their hearts toward their families so they do not have to play the hypocrite when they come to church.

CAST: Church Member; Church Front Door Fairy, Father, Mother, Child 1, Child 2, Husband, Wife, Pastor

SETTING: Church Front Door

PROPS: Magic Wand

Church Front Door Fairy waits with his/her wand as Church Member walks up. Pastor is on the other side of the platform.

Church Member: I don't think I've met you before.

Church Front Door Fairy: I'm your Church's Front Door Fairy.

Church Member: You're our what?

Church Front Door Fairy: You've heard of your Fairy Godmother, right?

Church Member: Yes.

Church Front Door Fairy: Well, I'm your Church Front Door Fairy.

Church Member: Does that mean you make all of our dreams come true?

Church Front Door Fairy: No. I provide attitude adjustments.

Church Member: You do what?

Church Front Door Fairy: It's easier for you to understand if you watch. Here comes a family now.

(Father, Mother, Child 1, and Child 2 approach.)

Child 1: She's looking at me.

Child 2: I am not!

Mother: I've just about had it with you girls. Look at your clothes. They're already a mess.

Child 1: She's still looking at me.

Child 2: I am not!

Father: Maybe I should just take you kids back to the car right now. I brought you into this world; I can take you out.

Mother: There's no need to talk to them like that.

Father: If that's the way you want it; that's the way it'll be. I'll let my belt do the talking.

Church Front Door Fairy: One, two, three. (Points wand at family as they walk by)

(All family members instantly have smiles as they approach Pastor.)

Father: Good morning Pastor. We're looking forward to a wonderful service.

Wife: Yes, the kids were just saying how much they enjoy Sunday School.

(Family exits stage.)

Church Member: That's incredible. How often do you do this?

Church Front Door Fairy: More than you really want to know. Here come some more customers.

Husband: Why do you have us late all of the time?

Wife: We're not late.

Husband: No, we just won't have a good seat. We'll have to sit up front.

Wife: Please don't sit by that lady with the heavy perfume.

Husband: Maybe you should have thought about that this morning instead of spending an hour with make-up and selecting shoes.

Church Front Door Fairy: One, two, three. (Points wand at Husband and Wife as they walk by)

(Husband and wife instantly smile)

Husband: Good morning Pastor.

Wife: It's a glorious Sunday!

(Husband and wife exit stage)

Church Member: So amazing!

Church Front Door Fairy: How come I don't have to do this to you and your family anymore?

Church Member: One day it I realized that next to God, my family was the most valuable thing in my life. It occurred to me that I was playing the hypocrite and setting a poor example for my family. I was sinning against my family and against my God. That thought really disgusted me, so I pled with God to change me and give me a new heart. And He did.

Church Front Door Fairy: Maybe you should share that with others. (Starts to walk away.)

Church Member: Hey, where are you going?

Church Front Door Fairy: It's the Smith family. I need a head start with them. If I don't get to them in the parking lot, it's too late.

Church Member: I would have never known.

Church Front Door Fairy: I take that as a compliment. Won't you pray for them? (Exits)

Church Member: Yes. I will do that.

Financial Marriage Counseling Christian Skits gift

CAST: Pastor, Bernie, Ethyl

SETTING: Pastor's Office

PROPS: 3 chairs, table, Personal Expense list (sheet of paper)

Pastor is sitting as Bernie and Ethyl enter. They are having marriage difficulties, but not enough to make them hostile to each other. Bernie has the Personal Expense List

Pastor: Come on in Bernie and Ethyl. It's always good to see you.

Bernie: Thanks Pastor. Here's that there list of our spendin' you asked fer.

(Bernie hands the list to Pastor as they sit.)

Pastor: Let's see. Normal things ... house payment ... car payments ... That's a lot for gasoline.

Ethyl: It's that big ol' truck of his. Why, that thing sucks down gasoline faster than a hot dog eating champion swallows pigs in a blanket.

Bernie: Yeah, but it's got a four-by-four that'll get er done. She's got enough towing power to pull an aircraft carrier down a dirt road.

Ethyl: Ask him Pastor what he pulls - ask him. I tell you what - Nuthin! There ain't nuthin he pulls behind there.

Bernie: You're just a woman. You can't understand man stuff. Besides, look at all that cargo space. There's enough space to carry all of them worthless shoes you have.

Ethyl: Ha! Ask him what he carries, Pastor - ask him. Nuthin! That's what - except'n fer car wax. He don't want his precious baby to get a scratch. You can fergit usin' that four-by-four cause he ain't never gonna take it off a paved road.

Pastor: Okay. Cigarettes and breath mints?

Bernie: The cigarettes are hers.

Ethyl: I know it sounds bad, but if I don't smoke I'll put on a lot of weight. Bernie done told me he don't want no fat wife. He buys the breath mints for me.

Bernie: She smokes like a chimney when she ain't at church. The mints are cause kissin' her is like lickin' an ashtray.

Pastor: You seem to eat out a lot.

Ethyl: I jest get too tired to cook and I really don't like a cleanin up all of that lard and bacon grease out of the pans and the deep fat fryer.

Pastor: I see a lot of expense for medicines.

Bernie: Yep, that's mostly for my blood pressure. All you gotta do is listen to her fuss and you'll know why I have high blood pressure.

Pastor: You have a lot of credit card debt.

Bernie: Yeah. That's another reason my blood pressure's high. Ethyl here likes spending money like it's a growin on trees.

Ethyl: I can't help it Pastor. I have a hard time explainin' it, but it makes me feel good when I go to the mall and buy something fer myself. Bernie here spends more money on his truck than he does on me.

Pastor: Hmmm. Dentist.

Bernie: Yeah. That's to whiten her yella teeth and I got swollen gums.

Pastor: Probably because of your blood pressure medicine ... this is a lot of money at the coffee shop.

Bernie: Yeah, I need somethin' to wake me up in the morning afore I gets to work.

Ethyl: I know Pastor. I tell him it's too much money. I keep tellin' him he needs to go to bed early, but does he listen? No. So what does he do at night? Ask him Pastor ... ask him! I'll tell you what he does. He stays up late at night a watchin that there Andy Griffin and thems silly Three Stooges.

Bernie: You know I'm a night person.

Ethyl: Only cause you're all a full of caffeine.

Pastor: High electric bills.

Ethyl: That's cause Bernie likes it cold. Why, you can hang meat in our house. It's a colder in there than an Eskimo with the top of his igloo blown off a durin' a blizzard.

Bernie: I work hard all day. I deserve to be comfortable when I get home.

Pastor: Okay, I see your problem.

Ethyl: It's that truck isn't it Pastor. I told him it was.

Bernie: Pastor knows it ain't my truck. He understands guy things. It's your spending down at the mall.

Pastor: Well actually, those are only symptoms. What you need to do is pray for wisdom.

Bernie: How come you think we need to pray fer that?

Pastor: Have you ever asked God to give you wisdom?

Bernie: No. I can't say that I have.

Pastor: That's a sure sign that you need to ask. People who seek Biblical wisdom want it to guide their lives and they ask in obedience to God's instructions in the book of James.

Ethyl: Don't surprise me none that Bernie ain't got none. He ain't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed.

Pastor: Wisdom isn't necessarily about knowledge. Look, I can tell you how to cut your expenses, but it won't help. Your main problem is that you don't understand how all of the components of your lifestyle interrelate and work against your finances and your marriage. For instance, you eat out a lot and that's far more expensive than eating at home. I'm guessing you eat mostly greasy, fatty foods and that leads to health problems, which is why Ethyl smokes and is the most likely cause for Bernie's high blood pressure. So, now you buy cigarettes and medicine which is why both of you have dental problems. With wisdom, you will see how your lifestyle is destroying your health, your finances, and your marriage.

Bernie: I don't understand.

Ethyl: That's your problem.

Bernie: Like you have room to talk.

Pastor: Look, here's what you need to do. First, ask God for wisdom. He promises that He will give it if we ask. While you are doing that, read one chapter of Proverbs every day. There are 31 chapters, so you can complete the book in a month, then do it again next month.

Bernie: That's all there is!

Pastor: That's a start. Now, if you'll come with me, I'll take you to the resource center and give you some material on budget and reducing debt.

(All exit)

Bernie and Ethyl's Expense List

house payment
car payments
gasoline
cigarettes
breath mints
restaurants
medicine
credit card
Dentist
coffee shop
electric bill

Grandpa's Commitment to Christ - Christian Skit

CAST: Grandpa, Child 1, Child 2, Child 3

SETTING: Living Room

PROPS: 1 chair

Grandpa sits in the chair. 3 children sit near him on the floor.

Child 1: Grandpa, tell me a story about when you fought in the war.

Grandpa: It was tough. The jungle was hot and damp. The food was cold. Bullets would whiz by, rat-a-tat-tat - rat-a-tat-tat. Many times I'd stay up all night long with no sleep. It was like working 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. But it was worth it, so that you kids would grow up to be free.

Child 2: Grandpa, tell me a story about your job.

Grandpa: I started at the bottom, but I worked hard - 10 to 12 hours everyday. And I went to school on the weekends. Eventually, I climbed the corporate ladder and became a vice-president. Then after a slick business deal, I started my own company. I probably worked 80 hours a week, but it was worth it so that you kids can have spending money.

Child 3: Grandpa, tell me a story about how you served Jesus.

Grandpa: Well, you know, I went to church when I could.

Child 1: Grandpa, were you ever a missionary?

Grandpa: No.

Child 2: Did you give money to missions?

Grandpa: No.

Child 3: Did you tell people about Jesus?

Grandpa: Well, I .. I ... I just never got around to it.

Child 1: Did you teach Sunday School?

Grandpa: I just didn't have time to teach. I was busy with the job and school, and I needed time to rest. Sundays were the only time I had to spend with your Grandma.

Child 2: Did you visit sick people?

Grandpa: No.

Child 3: Grandpa, what did you do for Jesus?

Grandpa: (Looks frustrated) You kids ask too many questions. Let's go to the kitchen and get some ice cream.

Tax Time Christian Skit

CAST: Husband, Wife

PROPS: Table, 2 chairs, Income tax forms and documents, calculator, pencil

Husband shuffles papers, presses keys on calculator and writes notes as Wife enters.

Wife: What are you doing Honey?

Husband: (grumpy) Taxes. It's named right. The government taxes my money, my time, and my patience. (Wads up a piece of paper and throws it down.)

Wife: (Sits and grabs a tax form.) What's this one?

Husband: Schedule A.

Wife: Schedule A. I see. Ummm. So ... what is it?

Husband: Oh , sorry. It's our itemized deductions. Things we can write off, like our home mortgage.

Wife: Oh! (glances at form) It says charitable contributions. Isn't that like what we gave to the church?

Husband: Well, it would be, but we have to have receipts from the church.

Wife: Don't they provide them?

Husband: Yeah they do, but I gave cash anonymously as the offering plate passed.

Wife: Gee Honey, we made $52,000 last year. Let's see (grabs calculator and presses keys as she mumbles) 52,000 divided by 10 percent for the tithe divided by 52 weeks. (surprised) You put $100 a week in cash in the offering plate?

Husband: Uhhhmm. Not quite.

Wife: Not quite? (presses keys on calculator as she speaks) Gee, I thought I did it right.

Husband: There's nothing wrong with your math, we just didn't quite give that much.

Wife: Really? How much did we give?

Husband: A dollar a week.

Wife: A dollar a week! How did you come up with that?

Husband: Hey take it easy. You don't know how hard it was ensuring I had a dollar bill every Sunday. One time I only had a five, so I had to wait until the next week to give.

Wife: Honey! We should be giving more than a dollar! The Bible teaches tithing.

Husband: Hey, we just can't do it. Look at all of these bills we had last year. I don't know how we would have paid them if I had given $100 a week.

Wife: The Bible says God will provide for us. It even says God will open the windows of heaven, and pour us out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.

Husband: We had plenty of room to receive it last year, that's what all these bills tell me. Besides, that's an Old Testament verse you're using.

Wife: It maybe an Old Testament verse, but that doesn't mean it's not true. How many times have we heard people talk about the times in their lives when they gave to the Lord even when they didn't have enough money to cover their bills, but God always provided.

Husband: Yeah, I know. Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again. But all it sounds like to me is they had a lot of stress.

Wife: And what do you have right now?

Husband: This is different. I have to provide for our family - and I'm doing it the best way I know how.

Wife: But that's the problem. You're doing it the best way you know how. No offense, Dear, but God knows a whole lot better how to take care of us than we do ourselves. I'd rather have a little stress wondering how God will meet our needs while we tithe, than the stress I'm feeling now wondering what misery awaits us because we are disobedient.

Husband: You think God is going to punish us?

Wife: I think He will withhold His blessings and allow financial problems to come our way rather than block them.

Husband: I don't know ... $5,000 goes a long way.

Wife: It's nothing compared to what God has done before and will do. I'm willing to give up some of our entertainment to be obedient to God. But you know; I'm confident we won't be giving anything up that we really need. Besides, God says to prove Him. Others have depended upon God and He never failed them. He'll take care of us too.

Husband: (big sigh) Okay. We'll do it this year.

Nervous Captain 1 - Christian Skits Collection

Object Lesson: Christians should always carry a tract as you can never tell when you will have the opportunity to share the gospel of Christ or invite someone to church.

CAST: Shoulders; Bob

SETTING: Lounge

PROPS: 1 chair, table, tract

(This first act is based loosely from material in a Dean Marin - Foster Brooks' skit.)

Bob is seated at the table.

Shoulders: (Walking up - can be inebriated) Excuse me, but have you ever been in Bermuda?

Bob: No. I've never been in Bermuda.

Shoulders: Neither have I. It must have been a couple of other guys. Say, is it all right if I join you? I just stopped in to have a little drink to settle my nerves before I go to work.

Bob: What kind of work do you do?

Shoulders: I'm a Cruise ship Captain.

Bob: How did you get to be the captain of a Cruise ship?

Shoulders: A lot of hard work. I started off as a bus driver. They used to call me "Shoulders."

Bob: Because you have broad shoulders?

Shoulders: No, because I always drove on the shoulders. But I quit. Too many drunks on the road!

Bob: What kind of ship do you have?

Shoulders: Oh, one of those big metal things with whatchacallits sticking out of the top with smoke billowing out.

Bob: Smoke stacks?

Shoulders: Oh! You're ship's captain too?

Bob: No. Did you ever have any close calls at sea?

Shoulders: Oh yes. Especially since they moved the men's room to a lower deck.

Bob: I was on a cruise in the Caribbean a couple of weeks ago and the ship lost a rudder.

Shoulders: Oh, don't worry. It'll turn up. (pause) You know. There's a lot of pressure being a captain ... sailing way out there, bouncing across the top of those watery things.

Bob: Waves?

Shoulders: You sure you're not a captain? (pause) You know ... it's quite a sobering thought to realize there are hundreds of people on my ship are all depending on me. And too that I happen to hold their lives right here in the palm of my hand.

Bob: Actually, all of their lives are held in the palm of God's hand. The Bible says that a sparrow doesn't fall to the ground unless God knows about it. So, there's no need to worry once you understand that God cares and He's in control.

Shoulders: Really?

Bob: (Takes a tract out of his billfold.) Here read this tract from our church. I always carry one with me. When you get back to Tampa, come by and visit us. The times are listed.

Shoulders: Thank you. I think I will. You know, I've got to get to the terminal because we're sailing to the Bahamas (looks at watch and pauses) without me.

Nervous Captain 2 - Christian Skits Collection

Object Lesson: Never talk badly about your church. You may be talking to a lost person who needs Christ. Your negative testimony may end up leading them to hell instead of to the saving knowledge of Christ.

CAST: Shoulders; Bob, Sue

SETTING: Church

PROPS: 5 chairs, tract, sunglasses

Sue is seated in 2^nd chair from right.

Shoulders: (Walking up) Excuse me. Would it be okay if I sit here?

Sue: Please feel free. I've never seen you at our church before.

Shoulders: (Sits in 1^st chair from right.) This is my first time in church. I met a guy. I think we were in Bermuda and he gave me this piece of paper. (Shows Sue the tract.)

Sue: Oh, that's one of our church tracts. Are you from here?

Shoulders: Actually, I'm a Cruise ship Captain. So, I'm kind of from everywhere. I used to be a bus driver. They call me "Shoulders."

(Bob walks up.)

Shoulders: That's the guy there.

Bob: Hey, aren't you the Cruise ship Captain I met?

Shoulders. Yep. That's me.

Bob: I hope your nerves are settled.

Shoulders: Oh, I'm just fine.

Bob: Well great. I'm glad you could make it. (excited) Hey Sue, we had an 8-year-old boy saved in my Sunday School class this morning.

Sue: That's wonderful Bob! (Bob sits in 1^st chair from left.)

Shoulders: Is he a ship's captain too?

Sue: Bob? No way! Did he tell you that?

Shoulders: No. It's just that he knows a lot about ships. Say. Is the bathroom close by?

Sue: Yes, would you like me to show you where it is?

Shoulders: No. It's just that I've had a few close calls on the ship ever since they moved the men's room to the lower decks. (Pause) What did he mean by "a boy was saved?" Is your friend a lifeguard here?

Sue: I've never thought of calling it that, but I guess you could. What Bob meant is that a little boy accepted Jesus as his Savior. Bob gets really excited about that.

Shoulders: Really?

Sue: Oh yeah. We had a missionary here last week. He showed some slides of his work and Bob teared up like he was slicing an onion.

Shoulders: You don't say! A good beer commercial makes me cry. Do you teach Sunday School?

Sue: No. I sing and sometimes play the piano. Everybody loves to hear me sing.

Shoulders: Are you going to sing today?

Sue: No. Someone else is, but I don't know why. I can't stand it when she sings. Off key, off timing. If you listen real close, you'll hear the dogs howling.

Shoulders: That bad, huh?

Sue: Yeah. That's why I'm leaving this church. The music here is just as bad as the last church I attended.

Shoulders: You've been to more than one?

Sue: Oh sure. It's hard to find a really good church. They all seem perfect at first. And then right after I join, something always happens to mess it up. Take the last church. I played the organ for them. But the music director always complained because I was late for service. I mean; it wasn't my fault. It takes time to get the kids dressed and get my make-up on. Anyway, he wanted the key that I locked the organ with. But I wouldn't give it to him because kids might play on it and change my settings. You wouldn't want kids playing on your bridge would you?

Shoulders: No.

Sue: So one morning, I got to the church and the music director had broken the lock and someone else was playing the organ. I was so humiliated. I never did go back there again. Then this morning, I found out they replaced my song with this other lady. That does it for me. Take my advice. Find yourself another church.

Shoulders: But what about today?

Sue: Just do like me ... wear sunglasses and take a nap. No one will ever know. (Puts on sunglasses.)

Shoulders: Say, can you show me where the bathroom is?

Sue: Sure.

Nervous Captain 3 - Christian Skits Collection

Object Lesson: There are many reasons people attend church, but Jess said the Father is seeking those that worship Him in Spirit and truth. We should examine our motives.

CAST: Shoulders; Bob, Sue, Reporter

SETTING: Street Corner

PROPS: Microphone

Reporter approaches Shoulders with Microphone as Shoulders walks toward him/her.

Reporter: Hi! I'm with Action News and we're doing a report on why people go to church. May I ask you a few questions?

Shoulders: Sure.

Reporter: What do you do for a living?

Shoulders: I'm a Cruise ship Captain.

Reporter: Do you go to church?

Shoulders: Lately I have.

Reporter: Why do you go? Is it to help reassure you as you sail on stormy seas?

Shoulders: Actually, it's because they give free snacks and there are a lot of good-looking women there. Women really go for Cruise ship staff.

Reporter: I see. So, how would you characterize a successful service?

Shoulders: One that ends on time. I hate it when the Pastor and the invitation drags on and on. I can't beat the Sunday crowd to the restaurant.

Reporter: Thank you for your time.

Shoulders leaves. Reporter approaches Sue with Microphone as Sue walks toward him/her.

Reporter: Hi! I'm with Action News and we're doing a report on why people go to church. May I ask you a few questions?

Sue: Yeah. This will be fun!

Reporter: Do you go to church?

Sue: Every Sunday!

Reporter: Why do you go?

Sue: I like the activities. I get to sing, play sports, and about once a month we'll do something fun in Sunday School; like go to a restaurant or canoeing.

Reporter: I can see why you're excited. So, how would you characterize a successful service?

Sue: Oh! One where everybody is happy. Oh yeah, and one when everybody tells me how good of a job I did singing or playing a piano solo.

Reporter: Thank you for your time.

Sue leaves. Reporter approaches Bob with Microphone as Bob walks toward him/her.

Reporter: Hi! I'm with Action News and we're doing a report on why people go to church. May I ask you a few questions?

Bob: Certainly!

Reporter: Do you go to church?

Bob: Yes.

Reporter: Why do you go?

Bob: It's an opportunity to worship the God of heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ who died for my sins. And because I've asked Him to save me, my sins are all forgiven and I will go to heaven when I die. Even if the Bible didn't say, "forsake not the assembling of yourselves," I'd still go to express my love for Christ.

Reporter: That's fascinating! So, how would you characterize a successful service?

Bob: I think of a good service as one in which attendance was good, the music was performed well, the Pastor had a good message, and someone made a decision. But, I consider a great service to be one in which I can feel the Lord's presence, regardless of anything else.

Reporter: Why is that?

Bob: Jesus said the Father seeks those to worship Him in spirit and in truth. When I sense His presence, I feel we are doing that. After all, worship is all about Him, not me.

Reporter: It sounds like you're one of those straight-laced, serious types?

Bob: If that means boring, not all. I enjoy our activities and have some for my 8 year-old boys Sunday School class. I just ensure the focus is on the Lord. And I have leaned how to enjoy God and His blessings in my life. You know, I have more fun now as a Christian than I did before I was saved.

Reporter: Thank you for your time. (Bob walks off.) That's our report for today ladies and gentlemen and you heard it first on Action News!

Nervous Captain 4 - Christian Skits Collection

Object Lesson: Those who have been faithful to the Lord and served with the right motives will receive rewards in heaven.

CAST: Bob, Reporter, Bailiff, God the Father, Jesus, Satan

SETTING: Anchor Desk, then Courtroom

PROPS: 1 chair, microphone, Book of Life

Reporter with microphone. Could be pre-taped and shown on projection screens.

Reporter: This is a live update on the huge tornado that swept through our community last night. The National Weather Service is rating this storm as an F-5. Police are now reporting that 3 people lost their lives in this monstrous storm that destroyed most of the downtown and left thousands homeless. The names of the 3 fatalities are being withheld pending notification of next of kin.

Courtroom: Bob stands as the defendant. Jesus is next to him as his lawyer. Satan stands as the prosecutor. Bailiff announces God the Father as he enters and sits in the chair.

Bailiff: All rise for the eternal Judge, God the Father. (Waits until God the Father is seated.) Bob stands before you.

Satan: This man has broken every one of the Ten Commandments.

God the Father: Silence Satan. You are out of order. I see my Son is representing Bob. Bring me the Book of Life. (Bailiff hands God the Father the Book of Life. God the Father pages through). Yes, your name is written in the Book of Life. You accepted Jesus as your Savior when you were 18 years old. Case dismissed.

Bailiff: All rise.

God the Father, the Bailiff, and Satan exit.

Jesus: Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.

Bob: Lord, when did I see you hungry, and fed you? or thirsty, and gave you a drink? When did I see you a stranger, and took you in? or naked, and clothed you? Or when did I see you sick, or in prison, and came unto you?

Jesus: Verily I say unto you, inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. I assure you that rewards for the cups of cold water you gave in the name of a disciple have not been lost. The crown of life and the crown of righteousness are yours. I will show you to your mansion on the streets of gold, which has been prepared for you. Because you obeyed my word, you have laid up for yourself great treasure here in heaven. Because you supported missions, missionaries received the things which were sent from you, an odor of a sweet smell, a sacrifice acceptable, well pleasing to God. Therefore much fruit is abounded to your account. Many are in heaven today and many will enter because of your witness.

Nervous Captain 5 - Christian Skits Collection

Object Lesson: Carnal Christians still go to heaven, but will have few or no eternal rewards.

CAST: Sue, Reporter, Bailiff, God the Father, Jesus, Satan

SETTING: Anchor Desk, then Courtroom

PROPS: 1 chair, microphone, Book of Life

Reporter with microphone. Could be pre-taped and shown on projection screens.

Reporter: Clean up continues after the massive, F5 tornado that left thousands homeless. Our hearts and prayers go out to the families and friends of the 3 who lost their lives in this terrible storm.

Courtroom: Sue stands as the defendant. Jesus is next to her as her lawyer. Satan stands as the prosecutor. Bailiff announces God the Father as he enters and sits in the chair.

Bailiff: All rise for the eternal Judge, God the Father. (Waits until God the Father is seated.) Sue stands before you.

Satan: This woman has only thought of herself and her position. She lived a life marked by pride.

God the Father: Silence Satan. You are out of order. I see my Son is representing Sue. Bring me the Book of Life. (Bailiff hands God the Father the Book of Life. God the Father pages through). Yes, your name is written in the Book of Life. You accepted Jesus as your Savior when you were 7 years old. Case dismissed.

Bailiff: All rise.

God the Father, the Bailiff, and Satan exit.

Jesus: Come, I will show you to your mansion on the streets of gold, which has been prepared for you.

Sue: I remember the Bible said something about rewards.

Jesus: The Bible said let every man take heed how he buildeth thereupon. For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ. Now if any man build upon this foundation gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, stubble; Every man's work shall be made manifest: for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire; and the fire shall try every man's work of what sort it is. If any man's work abide which he hath built thereupon, he shall receive a reward. If any man's work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but he himself shall be saved; yet so as by fire. Your works were found to be wood, hay, and stubble. They all burned up.

Sue: But I sang in the choir! I attended church. I went to the Sunday School fellowships. I went on a mission's trip. I gave money and prayed when called upon. I even fasted once!

Jesus: You left your first love. To what purpose was the multitude of your sacrifices unto me? When you came to appear before me, who required this at your hand? I wanted no more of your vain oblations, the calling of assemblies; it was iniquity, even the solemn meetings. Your appointed feasts my soul hated: they were a trouble unto me; I was weary to bear them. For whose benefit did you do these things?

You did your alms before men, to be seen of them: You announced your giving as the hypocrites do that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, You had your reward.

And when thou prayed, thou did as the hypocrites: for you loved to pray standing in your Sunday School class, that you may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, You had your reward. You even used vain repetitions, as the heathen do: thinking that you would be heard for your much speaking.

Moreover when you fasted, you played as the hypocrites with a sad countenance: for you disfigured your face that you appeared unto men to fast. Verily I say unto you, You had your reward.

Was not the fast that I have chosen to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke? Was it not to deal your bread to the hungry, and that you bring the poor that are cast out to your house? When thou saw the naked, that you cover him? I wanted you to learn to do well; seek judgment, relieve the oppressed, judge the fatherless, plead for the widow.

I wanted you to worship the Father in spirit and in truth, but you were more concerned with the cares of the present world.

Nervous Captain 6 - Christian Skits Collection

Object Lesson: The lost are condemned to hell. No amount of good works offset sin.

CAST: Shoulders (Mr. Evans), Reporter, Bailiff, God the Father, Jesus, Satan

SETTING: Anchor Desk, then Courtroom

PROPS: 2 chairs, microphone, Book of Life, Thick Book, chains

Reporter with microphone. Could be pre-taped and shown on projection screens.

Reporter: Funerals were held today for the 3 who lost their lives after the massive, F5 tornado that ripped through our communities. They were just ordinary people. The most notable occupation of one was a Cruise ship Captain, a Mr. Evans who friends affectionately called "Shoulders." Families and friends say they will not soon forget the lovable Shoulders Evans.

Courtroom: Shoulders stands as the defendant. Jesus is off stage. Satan stands as the prosecutor. Bailiff announces God the Father as he enters and sits in the chair.

Bailiff: All rise for the eternal Judge, God the Father. (Waits until God the Father is seated.) Mr. Evans stands before you.

God the Father: I see Mr. Evans has no advocate before me. Satan, you may proceed.

Satan: I would like to call my first and only witness, Jesus Christ.

(Jesus enters and stands in front of the witness chair.)

Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

Jesus: I am the way, the truth, and the life.

Satan: (Points to Shoulders) Do you know this man?

Jesus: No.

Satan: The prosecution rests.

God the Father: Bring me the Book of Life. (Bailiff hands God the Father the Book of Life. God the Father pages through). Let's see, under Evans. You're name is not written in the book of life,

Shoulders: (panicked) What do you mean, I'm not listed? There must be a mistake!

God the Father: No mistake. Your name is not in the Book of Life.

Shoulders: That can't be! Don't you know about all the good things I've done?

God the Father: Bring me the other book. (Bailiff hands God the Father the Book of Life. God the Father pages through). I know what you have done. It is all recorded here.

Shoulders: Then you should see that I donated 10 dollars to cancer research. And I was head of the sailor's union and made sure we were treated well.

God the Father: That's in the book, but it doesn't make it.

Shoulders: Oh I get it. You probably want something religious. Well, I went to church! I put a dollar in the offering plate every Sunday that I went.

Jesus: That still doesn't matter.

Shoulders: What did you want me to do? I couldn't put a fish sticker on my cruise ship!

Jesus: All you had to do was believe. I did all of the work for you, if only you would have accepted it.

Shoulders: Come on, you act like I killed someone or robbed a bank. Sure, keep those guys out of heaven, but this is me, Shoulders Evans. Cruise ship Captain! I was a good man and a law abiding citizen.

God the Father: According to the book with your works, you stole pencils and pens from your boss.

Shoulders: Yeah, but that makes ...

God the Father: A thief and a sinner. You had affairs with 4 married women and you wanted to with other wives, which made you an adulterer. You lied on your application to flight school about your DUIs. You hated your boss so much that you hoped he would die. You wanted your next-door neighbor's luxury car and swimming pool so badly you would lie awake at night thinking about how to get your own. You misused my name in your everyday language and crude jokes. You thought more of sports than of my kingdom.

Bailiff: All rise.

Satan wraps Shoulders' hands in chains as God the Father, the Bailiff, and Jesus exit.

Pirates of the Christians Day 1 - Christian Skit

ACTION: Crew introduction

THEME: Wisdom is better than rubies

CAST: Pirates (Captain Goatee, Patch, Hans)

SETTING: Tropical Island

PROPS: Pirate attire (eye patch for Patch), swords, treasure map, treasure chest, Bible

Captain Goatee: Ahoy Mates. My name be CAPTAIN Goatee. Welcome to the Christian pirate ship where we seek God's love on this here hidden island. What be your names?

Patch: They call me Patch.

Captain Goatee: Aye!

Patch: Yes, it's covering my eye.

Captain Goatee: I didn't say eye. I said Aye.

Patch: Oh, not eye. Aye! (pause and salutes) Aye Aye!

Hans: Aiee!

Captain Goatee: Your name is Aiee?

Hans: No Captain. My name is Hans. I said Aiee because I's confused with the eyes.

Captain Goatee: Hans? What kind of pirate name be that? I know no pirate named Hans.

Hans: You do now.

Captain Goatee: Aye!

Hans: No, it's Hans. Patch needs the eye.

Captain Goatee: I know it's Hans, you landlubber. Come on. Let's open the treasure chest.

Hans: Aiee! I's mean (pause and salutes) Aye Aye!

Patch: So, what's in the treasure chest?

Hans: Probably doubloons.

Patch: Oh goody! I love balloons.

Hans: Not balloons, doubloons!

Patch: What are doubloons?

Hans: Gold coins!

Patch: Wow! Is that right Captain? Gold coins for us to spend!

Captain Goatie: No. Not something for us to spend. Something for us to give. Something far more valuable than gold and rubies. (Opens the treasure chest and takes out a Bible).

Hans: It's just a book!

Captain Goatie: Not just any book. It's what I've been a searchin' for. It's the story of God's love for us and how He gave us Jesus.

Hans: Hey, we're pirates. I want treasure!

Patch: Me too. What does Jesus have to do with us?

Captain Goatee: Don't you see, because God showed His love to me, I want to show His love to you.

Hans: How did God show His love to you?

Captain Goatee: He sent His only begotten Son into the world that we might live through Him.

Patch: But, I'm a bad, mean, nasty pirate. I lie, cheat, and steal. How can God love me?

Captain Goatee: Because He loves the whole world. Here. Read it fer yourself. Hands Bible to Patch.) Tomorrow, we will seek even greater treasure.

Pirates of the Christians Day 2 - Christian Skits

God's Love is Kind

Jesus helps a young girl and a sick woman

1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient; love is kind. It does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud.

ACTION: Crew is following the treasure map

THEME: God's Love is Kind

CAST: Pirates (Captain Goatee, Patch, Hans)

SETTING: Tropical Island

PROPS: Pirate attire (eye patch for Patch), treasure map.

As cast walks on to stage, Captain Goatee is counting his paces holding the treasure map.

Captain Goatee: Eighteen, nineteen, twenty.

Hans: Captain Goatee.

Captain Goatee: Twenty-one. Not now. I be a countin. Oh! You done made me lose count. What do you want Hans?

Hans: It's not Hans anymore, it's Parrot Teeth.

Captain Goatee: Parrot Teeth?

Hans: Yeah. Patch kept making fun of me cause he said Hans isn't a good Pirate name. So I came up with Parrot Teeth.

Captain Goatee: A parrot ain't got no teeth. Besides, Hans is a good name.

Hans: But yesterday, you said you didn't know any pirates named Hans and Patch has made fun of me ever since.

Captain Goatee: Aye.

Patch: No, it's Hans. Patch needs the eye.

Captain Goatee: Look, don't be a startin that again.

Hans: Aiee! I's mean (pause and salutes) Aye Aye!

Captain Goatie: Patch, what be the matter with you?

Patch: Uh, nothing Captain. I didn't mean anything.

Captain Goatie: Really? Like when you said I looked like Captain Crunch?

Patch: You did make me hungry.

Captain Goatee: Now cut that out. Don't you remember when we stopped at the hospital this morning? What did I tell you?

Patch: You told us how Jesus helped a sick woman and a young girl.

Captain Goatee: And?

Hans: You said that God's love is kind.

Captain Goatee: Exactly. We should be kind to each other and not make fun of the way people look, or act, or dress, or their names.

Patch: I'm sorry Hans. You have a good name.

Captain Goatee: Now, let's get back to looking for that treasure. Our next stop was the Giving Well.

Hans: I've heard of a Wishing Well, but not a Giving Well.

Captain: Goatee: That's because you're on this here hidden island and God wants us to give. Now, where was I?

Hans: Twenty-one.

Captain Goatee: (starts walking off stage and counting his paces) Twenty-two, twenty-three

Hans: A parrot don't have teeth?

Patch: No, but the Captain's making me hungry.

Pirates of the Christians Day 3 - Christian Skit

Jesus cares for a Samaritan woman.

1 Corinthians 13:5 Love is not rude; it is not self-seeking.

ACTION: Crew introduction

THEME: God's Love is Caring

CAST: Pirates (Captain Goatee, Patch, Hans)

SETTING: Tropical Island

PROPS: Pirate attire (eye patch for Patch), swords, treasure map, cup with water

As cast walks on to stage, Captain Goatee is counting his paces holding the treasure map. Patch is drinking from the cup of water.

Captain Goatee: Thirty-Eight, thirty-nine, forty.

Hans: Captain Goatee.

Captain Goatee: Forty-one. Not now. I be a countin. Oh! You done made me lose count. What do you want Hans?

Hans: Patch won't share his water with me.

Captain Goatee: Now what?

Patch: I can't help it. You look like Captain Crunch and you make me hungry. The water keeps me from eating all my food.

Hans: See Captain? He's rude. He won't share and he makes fun of people.

Patch: I'm not rude. Hans is the one that's rude. He's asking for my water and you do look like Captain Crunch.

Hans: He doesn't look like Captain Crunch and you're selfish. I don't think God loves you.

Captain Goatee: Aye.

Hans: The Captain's talking to you Patch.

Patch: No, he said Aye, not eye, and besides I have a Patch.

Hans: But you also have an eye.

Captain Goatee: That's enough lads. What did we learn when we stopped at the Giving Well today?

Hans: That Jesus helped a Samaritan woman.

Captain Goatee: Aye. She wanted water, but what she really needed was caring. And she was rude to Jesus, but God still loved her and Jesus cared for her, just like He does for everyone. When you learn to care for each other, you will be more like Jesus. Now, let's go.

Patch: I'm sorry Hans; you can have some water.

Cast walks off stage. Patch gives Hans cup of water.

Hans: Thank you Patch.

Captain Goatee counts his paces.

Captain Goatee: Forty-two, forty-three, forty-four.

Pirates of the Christians Day 4 - Christian Skit

Jesus forgives Zacchaeus

I Corinthians 13:5-6 Love is not easily angered; it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.

ACTION: Crew introduction

THEME: God's Love is Forgiving

CAST: Pirates (Captain Goatee, Patch, Hans)

SETTING: Tropical Island

PROPS: Pirate attire (eye patch for Patch), swords, treasure map, treasure chest, Bible

As cast walks on to stage, Captain Goatee is counting his paces holding the treasure map.

Captain Goatee: Fifty-eight, fifty-nine, sixty.

Hans: Captain Goatee.

Captain Goatee: Sixty-one. Not now. I be a countin. Oh! You done made me lose count. What do you want Hans?

Hans: Don't you get tired of Patch calling you Captain Crunch?

Captain Goatee: Aye

Hans: Is that why you call him Eye all of the time instead of Patch?

Captain Goatee: I don't call him Eye. I said, "Aye" which be pirate talk for "yes."

Hans: I get it.

Patch: I think it's about time.

Hans: I think you're gonna get a black eye.

Patch: Well, I think you're gonna need a Parrot's teeth to eat when I get through with you.

Hans: Parrots don't have teeth.

Patch: Then you'd better have Parrot Feet, because I'm going to toss you into a tree, then you'll be a wee little man in a tree, just like Zacchaeus.

Hans: Maybe if you had two eyes you'd see that I'm taller than you.

Patch: Are not.

Hans: Am too.

Patch: You're acting like you're two years old.

Hans: Potato eye.

Patch: Parrots Teeth.

Captain Goatee: Lads! Lads! Haven't you learned anything I've taught you? Don't be rude; be kind.

Patch: He needs to say he's sorry.

Hans: I?

Patch: See, he said "Yes."

Hans: No, I said "I" like in me, not Aye like in yes. Besides, if you throw me into a tree, I won't forgive you.

Captain Goatee: Look lads. What Zacchaeus needed in the tree was forgiveness. That's why Jesus called Zacchaeus out of the sycamore tree, to show that God's love is forgiving.

Hans: But Patch started it.

Captain Goatee: It doesn't matter who started it; we should always forgive. Now, come along.

Patch: I'm sorry Hans.

Cast walks off stage.

Hans: Me too Patch and I forgive you.

Captain Goatee counts his paces.

Captain Goatee: Sixty-two, sixty-three, sixty-four.

Pirates of the Christians Day 5 - Christian Skit

Jesus showed us that God loves us now and forever.

1 Corinthians 13:7-8 Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

ACTION: Crew introduction

THEME: God's Love is Forever

CAST: Pirates (Captain Goatee, Patch, Hans)

SETTING: Tropical Island

PROPS: Pirate attire (eye patch for Patch), swords, treasure map, treasure chest, Bible

As cast walks on to stage, Captain Goatee is counting his paces holding the treasure map.

Captain Goatee: One hundred eighteen, one hundred nineteen, one hundred twenty.

Hans: Captain Goatee.

Captain Goatee: One hundred twenty-one. Not now. I be a countin. Oh! You done made me lose count. What do you want Hans?

Hans: Are we there yet? We've been walking forever.

Patch: Won't we ever get there?

Captain Goatee: Aye Patch.

Patch: Is something wrong with my eye patch?

Captain Goatee: No, not eye patch, Aye Patch.

Hans: Oh, you were doing Pirate talk again.

Captain Goatee: Aye.

Hans: Maybe it would be less confusing if you said "Yes" instead of "Eye."

Patch: Yeah, and maybe if you'd wear a different hat, you wouldn't look like Captain Crunch and I wouldn't get hungry all of the time.

Hans: Yeah, and maybe if. (pause with look of confusion) I can't think of anything Patch.

Patch: I can. If we would hurry this wouldn't take forever to get to the treasure.

Hans: Yeah. My feet hurt and I think I'm going to have to quit.

Captain Goatee: Now lads. Be patient. It has been a long walk, but it should help remind you that no matter how far you have to go, God's love will never end. He will always be with you. That's what the Bible means when it says Love never fails. And, we won't walk forever to find the treasure, but God's love is forever.

Patch: Come on Hans we can make it.

Hans: Okay, but couldn't we just take a taxi next time?

Cast walks off stage. Patch gives Hans cup of water. Captain Goatee counts his paces.

Captain Goatee: One hundred twenty-two, One hundred twenty-three, One hundred twenty-four.

Hans: You know; I'm starting to get hungry for Captain Crunch cereal.

Patch: I told you he looked like Captain Crunch!

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