Christianity Oasis Forum

[akita777]

Hi sister,

I am continuing with the study, but to be honest I don't know if it is sticking. My mind keeps wandering back to the past and it becomes my present reality. I have been fighting this for so long now. I am so tired.

[momof3]

Hi Akita and God bless you. Im so glad to see you continuing the counceling steps. My brother in Jesus, why would God say "My grace is sufficient for you" if it werent true? Grace is not something earned..you know this. This battle that rages inside of you is not only the enemy whispering to you, it is a mind that is not believing that His grace is sufficient. Its enough for everyone else, but when it comes to trusting that His grace is sufficient for you, its another story.

It was really good to read of your childhood. I think it sheds a lil light on why its so hard for you to believe that God is as good and forgiving as He is. Your earthly dad sounds like for a time, he was aloof and distant and angry. Could this be the way you honestly see your heavenly Father? I may be way off track here, and forgive me if I am, but pray about this and let the Holy Spirit show you.

I know you are tired. You cannot do this on your own. You are battle weary. Brother, the battle is not yours to fight. You must choose to believe what the Lord says is true. His love is so different from earthly human love.

There are alot of studies here at Oasis. I know you are tired, but when you get a chance, look through some of them. Here is the link to one that may speak to you. God bless you my brother in Jesus and know that there are many praying for you. You will get through this and you dont even know that you are ALREADY being used by our Lord to reach out to others in His LOVE and GRACE and TRUTH.

http://www.christianityoasis.com/Keywor ... fJesus.htm

Love in Jesus,
momo

[akita777]

Thank you,

You are right there is something in me that is refusing to accept God's grace. It's like a block. I never thought this would happen to me. I used to relish in the grace of the Lord Jesus. But, now I just want to give everything to him and I have tried but as you know.

PH 2:8 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: [it is] the gift of God.

I can't make myself accept God's grace. Faith and grace are truly a gift and for whatever reason there is something in me that is telling me that the gift is not for me. In my head I think I know this is a lie, but I have fought so long trying to convince myself that I am saved but I don't have that inner sensing that the Lord is with me. I am very confused about who I am. When the cult guy lead me away from my faith it was as if I was judged guilty and God will not take me back. I have spent the last 9 yrs. in counseling on medication for severe depression and anxiety, ocd like symptoms ect ect. It all stems from that time when I believed lies about who God is and was told that I blasphemed the Holy Spirit and more. The whole time this was going on I continued to search the scriptures and pray for the Lord to help me. One night I got down on my knees and prayed: When I said father...Satan answered me with a resounding yes. It scared me to death. I still have these thoughts. Almost every time I pray I have to shake my head to make sure that I am praying to God and not the devil. Could God have given me over never to return?

If he did then there is no hope for me. I will continue to get worse and worse eventually killing myself because Jesus said it would be better for someone to have a millstone around his neck and cast into the sea then for that person to hurt any of his little ones. I think of this often, because the enemy keeps telling me that I am going to be used to hurt other people the way I was deceived.

Thanks again for your e-mail but at this point I don't know if there is any hope left for me.....

[Mackenaw]

Hello Akita,

God bless you this day.

You said:

...Jesus said it would be better for someone to have a millstone around his neck and cast into the sea then for that person to hurt any of his little ones.

Steve, you are one of God's little ones. Please know that and believe it.

Ephesians 1:13 In Whom (Jesus) ye also trusted, after that ye heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation: in Whom also after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that holy Spirit of promise, (14) Which is the earnest of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, unto the praise of His glory.

Steve, God's Word is Jesus, and Jesus is Lord. And upon receiving Christ Jesus as Saviour, you were sealed with The Holy Spirit.

Dear brother in Christ. For each lie the enemy speaks, you need to speak The Word of God. Stop repeating what the enemy says, and instead, speak what our Lord says. Jesus Christ is the Word of God.

John 1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

John 1:12 But as many as received Him, (Jesus) to them gave He power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on His name.

Prayers continue to rise to The Lord in the name of Jesus, on your behalf. May God's blessed and perfect will be done.

God bless and keep you, Steve.
In Christ Jesus' love,
Sister Mack

[vahn]

Hello Akita

There was a time in my life where , I too turned away from God , I can't remember whether it was willingly , defiantly , or plain rebelliousness but , turn away I did . The turning back to God , was another story . Once I realized what had happened , I was so full of fear (though I didn't know it at the time) that I used defiance and self-rightousness as a deffense mechanism , all the while , deep inside I was being tormented by guilt and remorse n and , like you , I was being pulled down deeper and deeper in dispair to the point of giving it all up altogether (my life that is) .

Here's what happened to me . I started hating myself , to the point of actually hurting myself intentionally through drugs and alcohol abuse , hoping with each hit or sip I'd never wake up again but ... needless to say , I did ! Till one day (or night , I can't remember) I woke up to the tune of , " If there is a God , whoever You Are , I can't live like this any more , and obviously You don't want me dead either so , whatever the ... you want me to do just let me know and help me do it , or else just let me be "

That was sometime in May 1999 , today , I'm typing this to you . lsten carefully if you would .

SATAN HAS ABSOLUTELY NO POWER OVER YOU EXCEPT THE POWER YOU GIVE IT !


In Christ , our Lord
vahn

[momof3]

Hi Steve,

I just wanna add here that Peter lived with, loved, walked with, ate with Jesus. When given the chance to stand up for his faith Peter denied Jesus 3 times. There have been many times Ive walked away from the Lord as well...but each and every time I did He called me back. He continuously calls me back, just as He is doing with you. Satan cannot hear your silent prayers to the Lord. God said whatever you have done, ask for forgiveness through Jesus and He is faithful to forgive.

I was talking with my sister tonight. She had been given an opportunity to share Jesus with a friend of hers who does not believe Christ died for her sins. She believes she, in her own right, is a good person and can earn her way to heaven through her own actions and how good of a person she is. What would you say to this person? Can she make it on her own? If she went to Him and asked Him for forgiveness with a true heart of repentance and asked Him into her life..what would He say? You are doing the opposite here..you are hanging on to a sinful past (as we all have and battle every day) that has been forgotten by the Lord.

Is it all about Christ's love and sacrifice? Was His sacrifice enough? Is His grace enough? Every person has sinned and fallen short. There is no degree of sin to our Holy God. If you have sinned once, you have sinned period. If God has bridged that gap between Him and us through the blood of Jesus...how is it only good enough for some who repent? My brother, you do have a choice. Satan has studied you. He knows how to push your buttons and try to keep you locked up in the shame and guilt of your past...but Jesus says...there is now NO condemnation...and that He remembers your sins no more...and that as far as the east is from the west...thats how far your sins have been removed from you. Do you believe Him?

I heard this song again tonight and it reminded me of you. I pray for you, my brother, that you will find the peace God has for you.

till next time...

In Jesus,
love momo

here's the link...

[akita777]

Wow! What a great song... It sure does speak to me and where I am at. Thank all of you so much for caring for me. To be honest I don't know how to accept love very well. This is a lot of the reason why it is so hard for me to believe that God loves and forgives me. I have never felt loved. Not because people never loved me, but just because sometime in my life it was drilled into me that I was not worthy to be loved. So, I guess I have hardened my heart. I have being praying for the Lord to soften my heart toward him and accept his grace and forgiveness. I do believe his grace is sufficient for me and that he loves me. He is working on me to really accept that into my heart and then I think all of this will be gone. No reason to struggle no reason to fight for his love and approval, no reason for me to show God that I am ok when I really am not. Oh Lord Jesus, help me receive your healing and your love. I love you so much and all my life all I have ever wanted was to be lovable in your eyes. Please help me believe this. Remove this heart of stone for good.....Steve

[momof3]

Oh, my brother in Jesus, HE thought and still thinks you are so worth loving. He died for you, He loves you so much. He never wanted to be separated from you. Our earthly parents....some dont know how to love very well..and thats what we learn. But, His love is neverending and unconditional. None of us truly grasps the depths and width of it. But, one day at a time, from one glory to another, He instills His kind of love in us. Just keep running to Him and leave every mistake at the foot of the cross. When the enemy whispers something to you...remind your soul and spirit that Jesus died for that...once and for all. Once was and is good and complete. In the bible, as far as Ive read, every time Jesus healed someone He told them to arise and take up their bed..or arise and go here or there. He was telling them to get up. He had healed them and they were to move out from the place they had been. Moving isnt always that easy cuz we are used to the comfort zone we are in. Dare to believe, Steve. Faith is the substance of things hoped for..and I see alot of hope in your heart for the Lord. He is with you even when your emotions tell you He isnt. He does hear you. He does love you.

Remember too, that He created you. He knows every single thing about you. We cant hide from Him and we cant earn His love and acceptance. He already freely gives it. The bible says we are His passion. Imagine that...YOU are His passion. You were created by Him, for Him..and for His glory. We love Him because He first loved us.

God bless you, my brother.

in Jesus,
love momo

[mlg]

Just stopping by to let you know my prayers for you continue.

God Bless

[akita777]

Thank you for praying for me....I look around and I see all of God's people trying to help me. Loving me, praying for me and encouraging me and I want to be able to receive it. I just had a long time customer come in and encourage me. After almost 20 yrs. of knowing me she had no idea of what happened 9 yrs. ago. She encouraged me.

Oh Lord, help my broken heart. I give you all of me. Every wound, every mistake, every good and bad thing that I have done and I ask for you to use for your glory. Lord, I don't know why all this happened to me 9 yrs. ago. I don't understand why I met that man. I don't understand why I would have denied you and believed false doctrine, but Lord I did. I know I was wrong and you know that I have asked for your forgiveness for my sin. Lord Jesus, please help me get past this awful thing that happened. Lord you know how much I want to be used in your service but as long as I am like this, I feel like I am useless to you and my testimony is hindered. I love you Lord.....In Christ's name Amen

[mlg]

Amen and Amen...God's will be done for you.

[akita777]

I have been back on the medication that I was on when I left the hospital 9yrs. ago and am feeling much better. Praise God! The thoughts are still there but are not causing great anxiety and depression. Thank you for your help and prayers guys. Love ya guys

In Christ,
Steve