Christianity Oasis Forum

[Lionhearted]

How do you show your husband that he is a priority? The marriage union is the most important relationship on this earth; yes, sorry kids, even above kids; for it is the foundation upon which the family rests.

The institution of marriage represents Christ's marriage to the church. We need to remember how imparative it is to the mission of Jesus to nuture this most basic and fundamental of all relationships.

Darrell likes food!!

He has a few favourite dishes and because we've been apart for almost 3 months he has not had any of them. So, in the midst of trying to pack up our apt. i'm making him a full turkey dinner and a roast beef dinner to be served at the same time, with the additions of 3 other favourite dishes to enhance the meal. I've been cooking and preparing all week for him, so that everything will be ready the day he arrives (well, we will be actually eating the meal on the following day his plane arrives at 9:30 pm, kinda late to have a full dinner, so we will be having it for lunch on Sunday) The other reason I want to have everything ready is that his secondary love language is the gift of time ... it would be offending to him, to see me in the kitchen for the next 2 or 3 days after he just arrived ... even though I would be cooking for him ... so this way .... he gets to feel a double whammy of how much a priority his is!!

Yes, its very, inconvenient, but it will scream to his heart ... you matter ... you are a priority.

Nurture your marriage today by making your man a priority. Find out what your husband wants ... and give it to him. It's not about whether they deserve it or not; its about honouring the Lord.

[Dora]

Aw Lion that is so cool! Darrell is blessed to have a wife that considers him so valuable that she'd do these things for him.

[Lionhearted]

yeah ... i think so too pinellas ...

however, for most of our 23 years ... i wasn't so "charitable"

the Lord has been very patient with my growth.

[Dora]

uh hu

23 years? wow!

Cubby and I are coming quickly upon our 20th.

I know with children they would ask dad if they could do something or have something, he'd say no so they'd ask me. When I said yes (not knowing they asked dad already) it would cause tension and division.

I learned quickly to ask the kids if they already asked dad. If they had then they would be grounded. Because it would cause division with in the marriage. Even if I didn't agree with Cubby. Sometimes I disagreed strongly but stood beside him anyway. Because if I didn't, I would be trumping him. To many trumps and a man may just give up on being the strong mate they need and desire. Stand behind you man whether you agree with them or not. Unless they are going against the Lord. Then gently lovingly after prayer speak to them in private being cautious to not stir up pride.

Also don't fall into the temptation to go to family and friends to talk about what the other did that offended us. It can give someone an edge to come back and hurt our spouses. I've had people befriend me and try to get me to talk about cubby. With the Holy Spirits guidance I saw they had plans to harm him. Love protects even at the risk of loosing a "friend." Put him before friendship or your own desire to vent. A Godly friend will let you vent and not hold memory of what your spouse did to you for future use to harm your spouse.

Sometimes he can put off doing guy things with the guys because off so much to do here at home. Even though it puts extra pressure on me, it brings me a joy to encourage him to go hang out with the guys. The enemy often uses those times to whisper if I'm certain he's being faithful. I respond, Love always trusts. I make sure he knows he is needed at home and loved and will be missed because it can make him feel like I didn't want him home and those feelings can lead to the enemy whispering to him when/if he's tempted.

Cubby seems to like it when I enter his world. I have a hard time sitting still. So road trips are difficult. He loves to take a drive. One day I asked him if he wanted to go for a drive. He was shocked. We ditched the kids and took off for an hour just driving. He is on the road all the time and sees a lot of things. This gave him the opportunity to show me some of the things he sees.

When he's relaxing on the computer or watching tv sometimes I'll bring him a drink or a snack. Being thoughtful of ways that can show him he's on my mind. If I get a cup of coffee I'll get him a cup of coffee.

He calls me a couple times a day just to see how I'm doing. I don't like to talk on the phone so I never call him back. Then one day I called him just to tell him I was thinking about him. He seemed a bit shocked. Before we hung up I could feel his smile through the phone.

The last year I've tried to make an effort to see what he does for me to show he cares and then do those things for him. He does what he thinks will make me feel loved, so obviously those are the things that make him feel loved.

Those are some things I can think of in putting him first. Nothing like that meal you are working on for you guy. But then cubby and I haven't been apart like you have either.

[Lionhearted]

PINE!!! those are awesome ways to put the cubsters first.

Yes, I'm doing this extravagant priority of dinner for darrell because we've been apart for so long.

You are a superb example of a godly wife who makes her hubby a number one priority, I love to read your posts about "wife-ing" (not sure if thats a word or not) Honestly, I pray that one day the Lord sees fit for us to meet because I would surely love to sit and have a cuppa with you

20 years !!! I'm so happy for the both of you

It is interesting that you started your post with the issue of "kids" ... this was the greatest area of struggle in our marriage; so great, infact, that i was prepared to choose suicide if God didn't make darrell "bend" to my ways of parenting and decisions with the kids. Every decision in our house was wrought with friction and fighting over who's way was right ... and every time i disagreed with darrell it was an assault on his manhood ... thankfully, I learned that it wasn't me who "wore-the-pants" . I believe one of the best ways to give our husbands priority is to let them lead in parenting ... even when we disagree with their decisions. Yes, it does require much prayer and .... more, .... much prayer.

At the risk of sounding too dramatic, I'm going to say this anyway:

Pinella said: Sometimes I disagreed strongly but stood beside him anyway.

This is the quintessential act that a wife can do to make her husband a priority. For the children of our womb are our most prized possessions in the whole world.

Pinella said: Put him before friendship or your own desire to vent.

I learned this the hard way as well ... through peeling strips of skin from my husbands integrity ... one person at a time. Then I wondered why the guy wouldn't listen to me ...

I whole-heartedly agree with ya sis. We must resist when satan temps us to do this. We have to remember that our words are like swords that pierce and that we do have the ability to kill with them.

luvuloads