Psalm 121/ I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills..........
Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 1:46 amPsalm 121:
I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.
He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is thy keeper; the Lord is thy shade upon thy right hand.
The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.
The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.
"As a Child I was a victim, As a young adult I was a surivior, As a Christian I am an Overcomer"
In my earlier testimony I spoke of my husband.
In the last year of our marriage there were many changes taking place inside me.The Holy Spirit was moving in my life. When you first experience the infilling of the Holy Spirit it like becoming aware of life its self. Every thing is new, and there are things that happen, your eyes are opened for the first time to a spiritual realm, your ears hear and understand things never before heard. There is such love and awesomeness that seems to surround you. Your like a little child who has yet experienced life. There is such an inncentence to it. You think nothing bad will ever happen again. You are this great warrior and ready for any battle any time any where! You have this invinible feeling. And your dreams are to go out in to the world and save it single handedly!!!!
but, like any child growing up there are my falls, many mistakes, many wounds, alot of I knows when you don't know a thing.I think it's most when we are like Peter. We run before we look, we open our mouths and it can only be from the Holy Spirit that we spoke and then in the next sentence Jesus has to rebuke us back into realty. (If you know what I mean) We are so in love with Jesus and ready to go, inexperinced into battle. So many times Jesus had to rescue me from running ahead of him and not listening to everything he was saying. But, that is a kid for you!
My spiritual life was growing in leaps and bounds, but my home life was dying at a very alarming rate. I could not reason or commucate with my husband.
i had a vision, I don't like sharing my visions because..... well I just really don't know why? I just never have.
But, as I told a friend tonight the Lord is moving me or should I say turning me into the path that has always been mine to walk I was just always to afraid to walk it in the physical realm. And this is really why I am sharing my testimony because I was told to by the Holy Spirit.
So this is the vision:
I was sitting by a river. The water is calm and I can see to the other side of that river to the other bank. There is a forest on this side of the bank where i am sitting. And when i look at the forest I can see many paths running through this forest. It is very peaceful here, like there is no evil or darkness. Just peace. As i sat there looking out across the river i saw a figure moving across the water. His feet were not touch the water yet he walked as if he was walking on the water.
As the figure became clearer, I realize it was Jesus. I know that some people see a face and make out detail. This is the weird part. Some will understand and some will not. Just go along with me for a minute. I did not see his face or how tall he was, or what colour his eyes and hair were. It was more of a sence he was there, there were not real words spoke, but more like just understanding. I felt his expression, I felt his love invelop me. It is something I will never be able to explain. This touch when in his presence is tangable, it swrils and wraps around you.
This my friend is pure, complete unconditional love. There is so much wrap up in it. I know you have heard the prophets speak of being taken out in the spirit, well I think this love that is expreinced is so powerful that it lifts you out of the fleshly sense and takes you to a whole new level.
At first it took my breath away, I could feel his arms wrap around me, i could feel his smile, his emotions.
It is so powerful I do not know how I did not die where I stood! I was so over whelm by his emotions toward me.
I knew he held me in his lap and cradled me like a new born babe, I lay in his arms crying, i was just so over whelm. To feel someone love me that much. It was as if i needed so much to understand love, to be loved. And that is what he gave me. I was 27 years old. I was no child but i felt like one. I was cleansed, there was not badness, hate, unforgiveness, hurt, or pain. No confusion, or condemnation. No words of disappointment in me. Just love.
Jesus, gave me all the time I needed to come to grips with this new emotion within me. And when i was ready, he then spoke of his love for me, that he had always been here with me, I just could not overcome my fear to look and see.
He told me he would not all ways show himself to me like this, but that I must remember these moments. For there would be many who would come into my life physical and spiritually to try to destroy me, because I was his. i told him, I would never be destroyed because I have him, and I know he loved me. i would be a great warrior and would not let him down. Or give him up for any reason! he gave me a hug and he smiled
and he said again remember no matter what I love you. Even when you fall. Even when you go astray, even when you think you do not love me any more...
He took me by the hand and led me into the water and said I have a lesson for you to learn.
We were about knee high in the water, by the way the water was not cold nor hot. It had no under currents or waves that splash over you.
The water was so clear you could see clear to the bottom.
I just looked up at him. do you ever remember looking at your daddy or mom with so much love for them wanting only to do whatever it was they wanted you to do. Wanting so much to please them. Well it's how I felt at that moment.
Jesus reach his hands down into the water and as I watched fish began to swim around him and one fish swam into his hands and he lifted the fish up to me and showed me the fish. with a really big smile on his face.
I that this was really cool and awesome!
And then he told me to do the same,
So I placed my hands into the water and the fish began to swim around me and one swam into my hands, there was such excitment my heart was beating so fast and I sqeezed the fish really tight in my hands so as not to lose it. I brought my hands up and as I was lifting them up to show Jesus, The fish began to struggle against me holding it. It was slippery and i lost my grip on it and it fall back in the water and swam away! And all the other fish swam away with it. They acted like any other fish. They stayed out of reach. And I could not catch another one or even get close enough to grap one.
My heart sank, my first lesson and I had failed! I wanted to cry again.
but. Jesus was not mad at me and he laughed and was smileing at me.
Still standing in the water he asked me if I knew what I had done wrong?
I just shook my head no,
He told me i scared the fish, and fish or like any living thing that can have the emotion of fear, if it is afraid it will try to get away, hide, ran away from what has cause it to fear.
he told me try again, but this time do not sqeeze the fish relax and just hold it.
So I did as i was told and the fish came back and swam around me, I did not have the excitment about catching a fish this time that i had had the first time, because, I did not have the confidence to catch the fish anymore. Sometimes we think we can do something because Jesus did it. But without waiting on his instruction we can not do what he has done.
So anyway, a fish swam into my hand and i did as i was told to do i did not sqeeze the fish i just lifted from the water. Oh the joy! It stayed in my hand and I raised it out of the water and I showed it to Jesus and I started jumping up and down in the water because I did it!
And the fish once again jumped out of my hand.
Again that feeling of disappointment came over me.
Jesus picked me up and took me to the bank and we sat down together.
And he said to me you have done well, I am proud of you.
OK I lost the fish twice! That did not seem like I did well to me?
He said listen to what I tell you and remember it.
You will be a fisher of men. But, you will not fish in the waters that others fish in. You will fish where the fish have already been caught, and learned to fear man. To fear the touch of man.
you will go to those that once cryed out to me. But, were hurt by the people that have called themselves christians. Hurt by the church that is not of mine.
I miss my children, and when they have been hurt and hide from me. I hurt because my people will not leave their pews, they stay in their comfort zone. And will not leave and go in serach of my lost children.
i will send you out to find them and when you find them you will know this is one, for I will tell you. Because of their fear they must be handled gently, you much hold them lightly, you must be patient with them, let them swim into your hands, you are a fisher my wounded children.
He was so soldem when he told me this, I could feel his sorrow.
And then he looked at me and asked will you do this for me?
There was nothing Jesus could ask me to do that I would not do, nothing!
I wanted to hug him which I did, I thought to comfort him, and he hugged really tight and smiled again.
He said you have done so well, and i am proud of you.
You must remember what we have spoke of and what you have learned.
There would be many more times that i spend by that river with Jesus. He taught me many thing there. but most of all he taught of him self.
I would never forget this lesson. It is why when I am in church or around others. I am usually quite, or I should say I once was. i listen for the Holy Spirit to tell me if there is anyone there that I am to help? Jesus told me he would tell me who and I always waited. I learned alot about people by listening. I was not called to debate or stand in the lime light. I am a silent wittiness waited for the fish to swam into my hands. There are those that are bold reaching out and casting their nets and gathering many to the kingdom. But I usually catch one at a time. I am gentle with them and patent. Because that is what Jesus asked of me.
This was not where i thought I was going to night. I had planned on something different and my Bible verse does not conincide with this.
Let, me say this:
Some how I have forgotten to remember, what my calling was. I hated that I could not be bold and aggresive as i thought I should be.
I wanted to fill the nets with overflowing for the kingdom of God.
But, I forgot it was not what he asked me to do.
Now I understand, what has been nagging at me. Please forgive me... I needed to talk this out. I am shaken in my spirit. I do not know how I forgot?
Thank you Jesus, I praise you!
I forgot how it felt to be in his presentence. I can not stop the tears of emotions that are washing over me right now. How does one forget once being in Jesus presentence?
Oh Lord, I praise you, for bringing me back! I praise you!
I had to get up for a few minutes. I needed to shout his praises!
The devil has kept me so busy with one tragdied after other that I have been oppressed. I have not been able to think clearly in more than 20 years since I left my husband. I did not know it had been that long? I have struggled trying to hold on to my faith. Sometimes i have done very well other times I could not hold on to it. I behaved at times as if I had never been a christian. And at other times you could not pull me out of God's word. Jesus was always in my heart and not far from my mind. But I can not say I was a commited christian, I could not understand why I did not have visions any more or dreams, why I could not return to that place by the river with Jesus. I felt abandoned. But, it was not him who abandoned me,
There is a verse, "I would rather you be hot or cold." Well I tried to be lurkwarm. there is no middle, no inbetween. Be a christian when it suits me and when it doesn't well...
I see Jesus in that river waiting on me, holding his hands out in the water waiting for me to swim into his hands.
OK I'm about to start shouting again! Glory, Glory!
I see something else:
you know when Adam and Eve sinned, they did not die at once, the world did not grow evil all at once. Over time the darkness creeped in. That is why when I first moved to Texas there was still movement in my life. But over the years darkness creeped in. And I began to die spiritually.
That is why I am telling you my story. To remember.
To tell anyone else out there who is facing the moment of truth. Be honest with them selves. To let it come out so that they can be set free, of the fear of what we know about our selves.
Bring it out in the open, Jesus is waiting, with his hands streached out.
Let's do this! Let's be done with it and get back home, home where we belong in the love and presence of Jesus. Remember.
I am sorry, that I did not tell what i had came here to write, I hope there is understanding and you guys will let me slide on this one.
I will finish me testimony. But I need to go. I need to pray, and get before Jesus.
I love you guys,
sandrad
I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.
He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is thy keeper; the Lord is thy shade upon thy right hand.
The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.
The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.
"As a Child I was a victim, As a young adult I was a surivior, As a Christian I am an Overcomer"
In my earlier testimony I spoke of my husband.
In the last year of our marriage there were many changes taking place inside me.The Holy Spirit was moving in my life. When you first experience the infilling of the Holy Spirit it like becoming aware of life its self. Every thing is new, and there are things that happen, your eyes are opened for the first time to a spiritual realm, your ears hear and understand things never before heard. There is such love and awesomeness that seems to surround you. Your like a little child who has yet experienced life. There is such an inncentence to it. You think nothing bad will ever happen again. You are this great warrior and ready for any battle any time any where! You have this invinible feeling. And your dreams are to go out in to the world and save it single handedly!!!!
but, like any child growing up there are my falls, many mistakes, many wounds, alot of I knows when you don't know a thing.I think it's most when we are like Peter. We run before we look, we open our mouths and it can only be from the Holy Spirit that we spoke and then in the next sentence Jesus has to rebuke us back into realty. (If you know what I mean) We are so in love with Jesus and ready to go, inexperinced into battle. So many times Jesus had to rescue me from running ahead of him and not listening to everything he was saying. But, that is a kid for you!
My spiritual life was growing in leaps and bounds, but my home life was dying at a very alarming rate. I could not reason or commucate with my husband.
i had a vision, I don't like sharing my visions because..... well I just really don't know why? I just never have.
But, as I told a friend tonight the Lord is moving me or should I say turning me into the path that has always been mine to walk I was just always to afraid to walk it in the physical realm. And this is really why I am sharing my testimony because I was told to by the Holy Spirit.
So this is the vision:
I was sitting by a river. The water is calm and I can see to the other side of that river to the other bank. There is a forest on this side of the bank where i am sitting. And when i look at the forest I can see many paths running through this forest. It is very peaceful here, like there is no evil or darkness. Just peace. As i sat there looking out across the river i saw a figure moving across the water. His feet were not touch the water yet he walked as if he was walking on the water.
As the figure became clearer, I realize it was Jesus. I know that some people see a face and make out detail. This is the weird part. Some will understand and some will not. Just go along with me for a minute. I did not see his face or how tall he was, or what colour his eyes and hair were. It was more of a sence he was there, there were not real words spoke, but more like just understanding. I felt his expression, I felt his love invelop me. It is something I will never be able to explain. This touch when in his presence is tangable, it swrils and wraps around you.
This my friend is pure, complete unconditional love. There is so much wrap up in it. I know you have heard the prophets speak of being taken out in the spirit, well I think this love that is expreinced is so powerful that it lifts you out of the fleshly sense and takes you to a whole new level.
At first it took my breath away, I could feel his arms wrap around me, i could feel his smile, his emotions.
It is so powerful I do not know how I did not die where I stood! I was so over whelm by his emotions toward me.
I knew he held me in his lap and cradled me like a new born babe, I lay in his arms crying, i was just so over whelm. To feel someone love me that much. It was as if i needed so much to understand love, to be loved. And that is what he gave me. I was 27 years old. I was no child but i felt like one. I was cleansed, there was not badness, hate, unforgiveness, hurt, or pain. No confusion, or condemnation. No words of disappointment in me. Just love.
Jesus, gave me all the time I needed to come to grips with this new emotion within me. And when i was ready, he then spoke of his love for me, that he had always been here with me, I just could not overcome my fear to look and see.
He told me he would not all ways show himself to me like this, but that I must remember these moments. For there would be many who would come into my life physical and spiritually to try to destroy me, because I was his. i told him, I would never be destroyed because I have him, and I know he loved me. i would be a great warrior and would not let him down. Or give him up for any reason! he gave me a hug and he smiled
and he said again remember no matter what I love you. Even when you fall. Even when you go astray, even when you think you do not love me any more...
He took me by the hand and led me into the water and said I have a lesson for you to learn.
We were about knee high in the water, by the way the water was not cold nor hot. It had no under currents or waves that splash over you.
The water was so clear you could see clear to the bottom.
I just looked up at him. do you ever remember looking at your daddy or mom with so much love for them wanting only to do whatever it was they wanted you to do. Wanting so much to please them. Well it's how I felt at that moment.
Jesus reach his hands down into the water and as I watched fish began to swim around him and one fish swam into his hands and he lifted the fish up to me and showed me the fish. with a really big smile on his face.
I that this was really cool and awesome!
And then he told me to do the same,
So I placed my hands into the water and the fish began to swim around me and one swam into my hands, there was such excitment my heart was beating so fast and I sqeezed the fish really tight in my hands so as not to lose it. I brought my hands up and as I was lifting them up to show Jesus, The fish began to struggle against me holding it. It was slippery and i lost my grip on it and it fall back in the water and swam away! And all the other fish swam away with it. They acted like any other fish. They stayed out of reach. And I could not catch another one or even get close enough to grap one.
My heart sank, my first lesson and I had failed! I wanted to cry again.
but. Jesus was not mad at me and he laughed and was smileing at me.
Still standing in the water he asked me if I knew what I had done wrong?
I just shook my head no,
He told me i scared the fish, and fish or like any living thing that can have the emotion of fear, if it is afraid it will try to get away, hide, ran away from what has cause it to fear.
he told me try again, but this time do not sqeeze the fish relax and just hold it.
So I did as i was told and the fish came back and swam around me, I did not have the excitment about catching a fish this time that i had had the first time, because, I did not have the confidence to catch the fish anymore. Sometimes we think we can do something because Jesus did it. But without waiting on his instruction we can not do what he has done.
So anyway, a fish swam into my hand and i did as i was told to do i did not sqeeze the fish i just lifted from the water. Oh the joy! It stayed in my hand and I raised it out of the water and I showed it to Jesus and I started jumping up and down in the water because I did it!
And the fish once again jumped out of my hand.
Again that feeling of disappointment came over me.
Jesus picked me up and took me to the bank and we sat down together.
And he said to me you have done well, I am proud of you.
OK I lost the fish twice! That did not seem like I did well to me?
He said listen to what I tell you and remember it.
You will be a fisher of men. But, you will not fish in the waters that others fish in. You will fish where the fish have already been caught, and learned to fear man. To fear the touch of man.
you will go to those that once cryed out to me. But, were hurt by the people that have called themselves christians. Hurt by the church that is not of mine.
I miss my children, and when they have been hurt and hide from me. I hurt because my people will not leave their pews, they stay in their comfort zone. And will not leave and go in serach of my lost children.
i will send you out to find them and when you find them you will know this is one, for I will tell you. Because of their fear they must be handled gently, you much hold them lightly, you must be patient with them, let them swim into your hands, you are a fisher my wounded children.
He was so soldem when he told me this, I could feel his sorrow.
And then he looked at me and asked will you do this for me?
There was nothing Jesus could ask me to do that I would not do, nothing!
I wanted to hug him which I did, I thought to comfort him, and he hugged really tight and smiled again.
He said you have done so well, and i am proud of you.
You must remember what we have spoke of and what you have learned.
There would be many more times that i spend by that river with Jesus. He taught me many thing there. but most of all he taught of him self.
I would never forget this lesson. It is why when I am in church or around others. I am usually quite, or I should say I once was. i listen for the Holy Spirit to tell me if there is anyone there that I am to help? Jesus told me he would tell me who and I always waited. I learned alot about people by listening. I was not called to debate or stand in the lime light. I am a silent wittiness waited for the fish to swam into my hands. There are those that are bold reaching out and casting their nets and gathering many to the kingdom. But I usually catch one at a time. I am gentle with them and patent. Because that is what Jesus asked of me.
This was not where i thought I was going to night. I had planned on something different and my Bible verse does not conincide with this.
Let, me say this:
Some how I have forgotten to remember, what my calling was. I hated that I could not be bold and aggresive as i thought I should be.
I wanted to fill the nets with overflowing for the kingdom of God.
But, I forgot it was not what he asked me to do.
Now I understand, what has been nagging at me. Please forgive me... I needed to talk this out. I am shaken in my spirit. I do not know how I forgot?
Thank you Jesus, I praise you!
I forgot how it felt to be in his presentence. I can not stop the tears of emotions that are washing over me right now. How does one forget once being in Jesus presentence?
Oh Lord, I praise you, for bringing me back! I praise you!
I had to get up for a few minutes. I needed to shout his praises!
The devil has kept me so busy with one tragdied after other that I have been oppressed. I have not been able to think clearly in more than 20 years since I left my husband. I did not know it had been that long? I have struggled trying to hold on to my faith. Sometimes i have done very well other times I could not hold on to it. I behaved at times as if I had never been a christian. And at other times you could not pull me out of God's word. Jesus was always in my heart and not far from my mind. But I can not say I was a commited christian, I could not understand why I did not have visions any more or dreams, why I could not return to that place by the river with Jesus. I felt abandoned. But, it was not him who abandoned me,
There is a verse, "I would rather you be hot or cold." Well I tried to be lurkwarm. there is no middle, no inbetween. Be a christian when it suits me and when it doesn't well...
I see Jesus in that river waiting on me, holding his hands out in the water waiting for me to swim into his hands.
OK I'm about to start shouting again! Glory, Glory!
I see something else:
you know when Adam and Eve sinned, they did not die at once, the world did not grow evil all at once. Over time the darkness creeped in. That is why when I first moved to Texas there was still movement in my life. But over the years darkness creeped in. And I began to die spiritually.
That is why I am telling you my story. To remember.
To tell anyone else out there who is facing the moment of truth. Be honest with them selves. To let it come out so that they can be set free, of the fear of what we know about our selves.
Bring it out in the open, Jesus is waiting, with his hands streached out.
Let's do this! Let's be done with it and get back home, home where we belong in the love and presence of Jesus. Remember.
I am sorry, that I did not tell what i had came here to write, I hope there is understanding and you guys will let me slide on this one.
I will finish me testimony. But I need to go. I need to pray, and get before Jesus.
I love you guys,
sandrad
