life's struggles
Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2009 11:44 pmSo I've never actually told my entire testimony...and don't know if I will even get to all of it this time.
I've was raised in church my whole life. I've been in and out of church as well. Not really having a relationship, a true relationship with God. But only knowing that it was the right thing to do. I have struggled with being angry at God for the things that have come in my life. I have since learned that it doesn't help (at all), and it is just a tool that Satan uses to pull God's chosen away. I am just now realizing the true relationship that God wants and deserves.
ok now to really start.
My dad left when I was little. I still to this day struggle with this. Wanting to find him and tell him I forgive him. But I know if I do my family would disown me for the things he did.
My mom was sick for many years, I was very angry at God, why did he allow such pain and suffering. My mom died soon after I was married. I later found out that she had asked God to live long enough so that she could see her children get married. Talk about Satan using that as a tool for guilt. I also married someone that none of my family liked and certainly didn't approve of. Of course he wasn't a christian, but he told me he believed in God(I later found out he lied and he was an atheist) --and of course this was the time in my life when I wasn't going to church and I was angry with God and wanting things my way. (FYI --when you want something that doesn't line up with God it isn't worth it---AT ALL)
Well, nearly 4 years of fighting HELL in my house, my then husband told me to choose between God and Atheism. During this time I grew closer and stronger to God and was able to take a stand for God. Something I never thought I would have the strength to do (however it is in this time that it wasn't my strength but God's) So he left. I became alone, a single mother, no job, no home, absolutely nothing. If it wasn't for God and my family I wouldn't be here today. I feel completely blessed in that area. God has provided so much.
I decided to look for someone to fill the emptiness and loneliness. That only led to more struggles with Satan almost winning. I had to come to the place where it wasn't worth it; nothing this life has to offer is worth loosing out on God and on Heaven. So I have chosen to wait on God until that right person comes, if he does come; but even if he doesn't my relationship with God is more important and it is Him that my focus should truly be on.
I still struggle with loneliness, bitterness, guilt, emptiness, depression, and much more. But I know where my strength lies and continue to place my trust in God that he will supply my need and He will fill me with His love, mercy, and grace; and that I will find that peace, joy, and life again in Him.
God has really dealt with me and has given me once last chance to serve Him. I can't play the religious game I played; and that so many play today. I know that God is real and he has delivered me out of many situations and helped me climb up mountain tops, and has carried me through the valleys, even when I felt all alone. I am nothing without Him.
I continue to struggle and overcome as everyone does. I just hope and pray that I will set a good example for my child. That he will serve God with all his heart and will not stumble and fall as I have.
Again, I know that this is just a glimpse and I really didn't get into all the struggles and trials that I have faced. Maybe in time it will come. But for now I hope that this helps someone that is struggling.
God Bless
I've was raised in church my whole life. I've been in and out of church as well. Not really having a relationship, a true relationship with God. But only knowing that it was the right thing to do. I have struggled with being angry at God for the things that have come in my life. I have since learned that it doesn't help (at all), and it is just a tool that Satan uses to pull God's chosen away. I am just now realizing the true relationship that God wants and deserves.
ok now to really start.
My dad left when I was little. I still to this day struggle with this. Wanting to find him and tell him I forgive him. But I know if I do my family would disown me for the things he did.
My mom was sick for many years, I was very angry at God, why did he allow such pain and suffering. My mom died soon after I was married. I later found out that she had asked God to live long enough so that she could see her children get married. Talk about Satan using that as a tool for guilt. I also married someone that none of my family liked and certainly didn't approve of. Of course he wasn't a christian, but he told me he believed in God(I later found out he lied and he was an atheist) --and of course this was the time in my life when I wasn't going to church and I was angry with God and wanting things my way. (FYI --when you want something that doesn't line up with God it isn't worth it---AT ALL)
Well, nearly 4 years of fighting HELL in my house, my then husband told me to choose between God and Atheism. During this time I grew closer and stronger to God and was able to take a stand for God. Something I never thought I would have the strength to do (however it is in this time that it wasn't my strength but God's) So he left. I became alone, a single mother, no job, no home, absolutely nothing. If it wasn't for God and my family I wouldn't be here today. I feel completely blessed in that area. God has provided so much.
I decided to look for someone to fill the emptiness and loneliness. That only led to more struggles with Satan almost winning. I had to come to the place where it wasn't worth it; nothing this life has to offer is worth loosing out on God and on Heaven. So I have chosen to wait on God until that right person comes, if he does come; but even if he doesn't my relationship with God is more important and it is Him that my focus should truly be on.
I still struggle with loneliness, bitterness, guilt, emptiness, depression, and much more. But I know where my strength lies and continue to place my trust in God that he will supply my need and He will fill me with His love, mercy, and grace; and that I will find that peace, joy, and life again in Him.
God has really dealt with me and has given me once last chance to serve Him. I can't play the religious game I played; and that so many play today. I know that God is real and he has delivered me out of many situations and helped me climb up mountain tops, and has carried me through the valleys, even when I felt all alone. I am nothing without Him.
I continue to struggle and overcome as everyone does. I just hope and pray that I will set a good example for my child. That he will serve God with all his heart and will not stumble and fall as I have.
Again, I know that this is just a glimpse and I really didn't get into all the struggles and trials that I have faced. Maybe in time it will come. But for now I hope that this helps someone that is struggling.
God Bless
Lani