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I am trying to trust God through these trials, it just seems so overwhelming right now! I am trying to really hard to find a job, and feel like a failure that I don't have one at the moment. I am really jealous of other people (friends and family) who seem to have good health and much better finances. I know I'm still young, but I feel like I'm going to be like this the rest of my life. My medical bills are really expensive now that I am on my husband's insurance, but if I don't go to the doctor, well my symptoms get much worse. I have migraines, bipolar disorder, insomnia, severe allergies, neck and back problems.
I am praying for contentment and joy under all circumstances. I feel like I must have done something bad and God must be punishing me. I don't think God works like that, but sometimes I wonder.
I am just so overwhelmed by guilt, and I'm not even sure why I'm guilty. I just feel I should be stronger than my illnesses. I feel like a burden to everyone around me.
I'm sorry if it sounds like I am complaining, not meaning to.

Hello Redbandit (((hugs)))

God bless you this day.

I want you to know that my prayers continue to rise to our Lord in the name of Jesus on your behalf. May God's blessed and perfect will be done.

Redbandit, I'm going to share some thoughts with you that may be way out there, but these are thoughts I've had concerning you for a while now, and I've withheld sharing them with you because I kept thinking "but what if I'm wrong???"
So, I am going to share, and I'll just say it "But, I may be wrong." I pray what I'm about to share will not be harmful to you in any way, but instead, will be a comfort to you. May God's will be done.

I get the overwhelming sense that you are running, running to what seems to be the obvious course of action, yet, in your case the obvious isn't what God wants for you. If my memory is correct, you went to school for Graphic Design, yet most people that are employed in the Graphic Designer field, have to meet constant deadlines, which is laden with lots and lots of stress. This is not what God has in mind for you. The Lord loves you.

Simultaneously, the stress of all the job searches and not fitting into the "norm" mold that you believe that you must fit into, all of it is taking a terrible toll on your physical and mental wellbeing. This is not what God has in mind for you. The Lord loves you.

Redbandit, you have a special gift -- an anointing of compassion. Your heart is large, overflowing with compassion, and in my opinion, have been given an extra dose of compassion. That's a Good and God thing. Hallelujah!!! The problem is...you are so stressed out believing you MUST conform to the world and the degree in Graphic Design, that it is draining the special dispensation of compassion right out of you. Stress will do that, and stress is a killer.

As shocking as it may be for me to type this, I'm gonna type it anyway. Most Christians, now-a-days, have some sort of physical and/or mental or emotional challenge. Because, well...most humans, Christian or non-Christian, have some sort of physical and/or mental or emotional challenge. Our air is toxic, our soil is toxic, and let's not forget that most of us regularly consume processed foods and/or junk food at least once a week -- which is just another form of toxin. Combine all that with stress, worry and fear, and it's a wonder any of us can function. But, God is Good!!! and He has not left us entirely to our own devices or destruction. Thank You Jesus!!!

I know the worry over finances and health and work and, and, and, and, and, and can make us want to run and jump in bed and pull the covers over us. This is not what God has in mind for you. The Lord loves you.

So, what should you do? My advice would be to go volunteer somewhere -- somewhere where you wouldn't mind that type of work. Maybe volunteer at the local hospital to do things like push a wheelchair bound person to the dialysis department when they are dropped off at the front door.??? Or visit a nursing home and just visit some of the patients who never receive visitors. Or check to see if the local library has a program to read the newspaper to the elderly. These are only a few suggestions, but, I encourage you to pray about it and let God open your eyes and ears to some ideas. It just may lead to a part-time job somewhere, and it may be so different from what you thought you would ever do, but once in it, it will fit like a glove. God has a way of doing that.

Redbandit, you do not fit into the mold you are trying to fit into. And, my dear, that is not a bad thing at all. God does have something in mind for you, and you will be happy in it. The Lord loves you. And, once you are on your way -- His way -- you'll find many of the health issues and depression you suffer with will subside, if not healed, completely, because much of the stress will be eliminated. God is Good!!!

God bless and keep you, Redbandit.
Love,
Mack

Thank you, i really appreciate that. My degree is actually Public relations and advertising, but I see what you mean about the stress and me not fitting into that. I have been looking into other fields recently, and have been thinking about volunteering. I feel like God is calling me to make a difference and help others. Maybe thats why He lets us go through trials. How do we know exactly what God wants for our lives? I thought I knew in college, but I see now my plans were probably selfish, and my skills dont lie in those areas.

Redbandit, I know how you feel, I also have problem finding a job. May God bless you with a job soon.

Hello Redbandit (((hugs)))

God bless you this day.

You asked:

How do we know exactly what God wants for our lives?

My answer is this: Keep seeking The Lord in everything you do. God will lead you, if you go to Him in everything. And, stop believing God is out to get you and punish you. God loves you, completely.

We humans tend to operate on auto-pilot by what we've been taught by the world and what is expected of us by the world. It is not that Public Relations and Advertising, as a whole, is wicked or evil, because, that simply is not the case, but, it is not a fit for you right now, because you are so overwhelmed to the point of illness, from trying to conform to the world. Your soul knows, deep down inside, that you are being conformed to God, so there is this constant tug-of-war going on within you. Choose God.

God has given you an enormous gift -- an heart full of compassion, but in most instances in public relations and/or advertising field, that special dispensation of compassion would most likely be put second or third or fourth or at the bottom of the list of talents and skills used. Compassion is Love based and it is applied towards God's living creation, not towards a business, per say. I hope that makes sense.

You said:

...and have been thinking about volunteering. I feel like God is calling me to make a difference and help others.

I ask you, how did you know God was calling you to make a difference and help others? The answer is kind of hard to explain, isn't it? But, my dear Redbandit, that is exactly how we know what God wants for our lives, He places that knowing inside us -- via a feeling, a thought, and/or a knowing. And when we get that feeling, thought and/or knowing, we should talk to Him about it. And, it is so cool, how suddenly a new thought, new feeling and/or a new knowing will come to us. It's all wrapped up in our relationship with The Lord. He desires that we grow ever closer to Him and be dependent upon Him. He loves us so very much and truly wants to guide us, teach us, comfort us, grow us, and use us for His glory and our benefit.

God is so very Good!!!

Prayers continue to rise to our Lord in the name of Jesus on your behalf. May God's blessed will be done.

God bless and keep you, Redbandit.
Love,
Mack

I guess I feel like one of my true gifts is helping others. And I would love to volunteer and/or make a career out of it. I feel like I can't be extremely picky with jobs as I need one really bad. I have learned one thing I can't do sales! It seems wrong to me to try and force others to buy what they can't afford.
Thank you so much for your continued prayers I really need them now!