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I'm surrounded by Christians and yet I never really felt like I was part of them. I went to a heavily religious school, and had the Bible shoved down my throat so much that I didn't actually want anything to do with Religion. But now for a reason that I'm not actually sure of something's changed. All my Christian friends and my in-laws (who are also heavily religious) talk about this feeling that you get when you're a christian. This one that apparently changes everything.

That's what I want. I want that feeling.

I've gone through Christian 'stages' in the past and I've never felt that feeling.

But something happened last night. I was writing a pray letter and I as I was writing down these questions for God, it was as though he was talking to me. Answering me. It was incredible. I started crying and I knew what I had to do.

I knew that God didn't want me to find a religion, he didn't need me to go to Church every Sunday, he just needed me to learn to love Him, and learn to love his son.

This is going to sound crazy.. But I swear God told me that the reason I'm getting married to young, the reason I've found my soul mate and fallen deeply and crazily in love at only 19 is so that I know what love is. And I know the strength of the love God wants me to feel for him.

I don't want to go to Church. I've never felt like I belong there, I don't think going to church makes you any more of a Christian then standing in a garage makes you a car. But last night God sent me here. I'm sure of it. This isn't the normal place that I would end up (no offense meant).

So here I am, trying to learn to Love Jesus.

Take it easy on me guys, I'm one of those people that like to be talked to normally and not in Bible versus, talk to me in Bible versus and in riddles (or something like that) and I'm just going to get overwhelmed and confused.

But in saying that... I need somewhere to start. Coz I don't really know where to start. I need someone that can help me. Who will be my 'buddy' so to speak, someone that will help me travel the path to Jesus and someone that can keep me accountable.

So if you think you have the patience, have a sense of humor and will be nice to me then let me know somehow.

Please Thank you - p.s. Sorry if that post made like no sense at all :-/

Hey I am a christian and i am 19 years old, I want to help you, to my best ability I will do my best to help you, here is my email, GodSurferGirl@gmail.com email me if you want to talk. ooh Congrats on the wedding wish you guys the best.

Hi alimacknz,

Your story is soooooo similar to mine, I'd always been through stages of Christianity but never really 'connected' properly. I went to loads of different types of Churches but never really felt very comfortable in any of them. But, when I spoke to the people at the Churches, many always told me of this feeling that changes everything. And I SO wanted that feeling but didn't get it. I always depserately wanted to be like the people who hold their hands up when they sing and pray but couldn't bring myself to do it. I was also very wary of people who kept quoting Bible verses and, as you say, spoke in riddles... it kinda put me off. But, I still kept on persevering. This went on for years and years.

Then, back in June of last year, a friend of mine gave me a book which I put on the bookshelf and it sat there for about two months. When I went on vacation, I packed it in my case as I'd have time to read it on the beach. It's by a very popular American Christian pastor/writer and, as I found out, was aimed at people like me!

It explained everything. It explained that:

Jesus loves you JUST as you are. He wants you. But He doesn't want to leave you with all the problems and things that life throws at us which leave us bogged-down and, ultimately, causes us to be 'not great' people. He wants you to change for the better AND be truly happy.

The other amazing thing, which quite frankly I never really understood, is that He took a bullet for us all. He came here to give His life for all the bad things we have ever done - and all the bad things we're still doing and all the bad things we're going to do in the future. He did this BECAUSE He loves us - you - so very very much. And it built for us a 'bridge' back to God. (Before that, we were all so unfit to get into Heaven) So, God sent His Son here to pay the ultimate sacrifice for us. He loves you THAT much. So, yup, the reason you have found your sould mate and fallen so deeply and crazily in love at 19 IS so that you know what love is! And that is amazing! So... you know just HOW crazily and deeply you love your fiance??? God loves you EVEN more than that. So, yeah, God wants you to know just how much He loves you and why Jesus came here to take a bullet for you.

I have to say, when I realised all this, I started to get 'that' feeling. I've read a couple of other book since, books written in plain English - no riddles - and that feeling has grown. I never thought I would have got to where I am now, not in six months anyway!

So what do we have to do in return for this unbelievable sacrifice Jesus made for us? Follow Him, be sorry for all the things that you've ever done wrong. (Before, I always thought I was a 'good' person with a few tiny flaws but REALLY I cheated, I lied, I gossiped, I wouldn't forgive people if they wronged me - I was DEFINITELY no angel). And if you are truly sorry for things you have done wrong and ask Him to forgive you... He forgives you, gives you a clean sheet to start again. What an amazing gift. This is God's Grace.

And He says also to obey his commandments. 1, Love God. 2, Love the people. These are pretty good commandments! And they have allowed me to learn how to forgive people, which is soooooooooooo freeing.

And all the yukky things that I used to do? I stopped doing them, not because I thought I SHOULD stop, but because I wanted to stop. I stopped doing it out of love - Love for God and love for the people.

And OH I feel so much better.

And now, instead of going to Church now because I felt I HAD to, I go when I WANT to. As it happens I want to go every week now

I got that feeling. At long last. Haven't put my hands up in Church yet when I sing, but that's only because I'm a very typical Brit .

Don't get bogged down with all the riddles.

There is a really good website which has the Bible written in plain English - here is the link:

http://nlt.scripturetext.com/john/1.htm

I SOOOOO hope this helps. I realise that I have gone on and on for about ten pages, sorry! But it's worth it! YOU are worth it.

SOOOOO pleased to hear about the wedding too!!!

If there is anything else you need to know, please let me know!

May God Bless you and your fiance

Simon

HI,
Well, I know what the feeling is, and it is like no other. But a feeling you probably aren't thinking of. I actuall felt God standing next to me in person. I couldn' t see Him, but I just knew He was there. GOd has worked wonders through me since that day. I don't think that is silly to know that God said that. In fact, He once said, "That's My girl" to me. I have put my hands up while singing once, and I didnt care what other people thought. It was just so powerful. I have never felt truly welcomed at a church before. So, I use this site more often than not. I would write more, but I am tired and need to go to bed... I will send you a PM if you don't mind. Send me a PM if you ever need anything at all!
GBU!