forgiveness and forgetting
Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2011 1:13 am
Not even sure what to say....I have read some of the past posts on this forum and I see a lot of myself in them. So many years of working on my own healing and yet, one incident can stir up so many things I thought the Lord had helped me put to rest. Forgiveness? Yes, I have made the choice to forgive those who have abused me, and along with that I have also chosen to forgive myself....but forgetting is a whole other issue. When I read the Word I read about the lives of people like David. All of his sins were forgiven by the Father, but his sins were also recorded in history for all time. I wonder, does God's definition of "forgetting" have a different meaning then what I have come to know? If He forgets the way I define forgetting, then wouldn't the sins of the saints not be recorded in history? I sometimes wonder if possibly forgetting what others have done to me might just mean eventually being able to forget the how much pain their abusive choices brought me, but yet still being able to remember the abusive action so I might possibly someday be able to share with someone else how the Lord brought me through....just a thought. Anyway, I am not at the point of being able to "forget" the "pain" yet, and I still have to remind myself often that I have chosen to forgive. There are so many times I literally feel like punching the you know what out of my abusive ex-husband for all the pain,physically and emotionally, his actions have caused my children and myself. I have to remind myself of the choice I made to forgive him, I even have the date I forgave him written down somewhere, I don't know, I guess having that date as a visual helps to remind me I made that choice. So, I guess I am here venting right now so in my mind I can take off the boxing gloves cuz in my mind right now my ex's hands are tied behind his back so I could get a clean shot if I wanted to! Gotta tell ya, being human and all that clean shot "punch" sure would feel sweet! Guess that's another reason the Lord chose to move me over 1200 miles away from my ex....so it goes!