Bondage
Posted: Thu Jul 01, 2010 12:06 pm
I have been a slave to impurity/self gratification for 15 years now. I've been battling unwanted imaginative thoughts that would lure me into self gratification. It's when I'm at my weakest point when I have these thoughts that Satan would tempt me or my flesh would tempt me knowing in advance that it's an abomination to God. I yield to it not wanting to. It's a habbital sin; an addiction. I often have beaten myself up over it with depression, discouragement, disappointment, anxiety, fear, self condemnation, not forgiving myself and doubt of salvation.
I feel like I'm trampling upon God's grace or that I'm treating his precious grace so carelessly. I love the Lord, but I feel like I have a divided heart; like I'm double minded. All I know is that I don't want to keep putting myself through this. I want to live the victorious life God has called me to live. I pray everyday for God to deliver me from this demonic spirit; the perverse spirit. I pray daily for a clean heart. I feel like I'm causing God pain and like I'm grieving the Holy Spirit every time I fail in this area; every time I give in.
I feel like I'm trampling upon God's grace or that I'm treating his precious grace so carelessly. I love the Lord, but I feel like I have a divided heart; like I'm double minded. All I know is that I don't want to keep putting myself through this. I want to live the victorious life God has called me to live. I pray everyday for God to deliver me from this demonic spirit; the perverse spirit. I pray daily for a clean heart. I feel like I'm causing God pain and like I'm grieving the Holy Spirit every time I fail in this area; every time I give in.