it's been a long time
Posted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 1:47 pmNot that I joined that long ago, but since last semester i've been quite busy. And since I don't struggle as much with this at school (very rarely), I didn't feel any urge to come to this forum. i'm still at school but just felt like posting.
It's really hard to try to deal with my problem with pornography when I'm at school, since it's not really a problem here. so i assume that i'm doing better and then i come home and fail so quickly. it's so difficult being home because i just end up in the same familiar environments and situations, and i do the same thing i've always done... give in. so i'm quite scared for this summer, seeing as the last one was miserable.
However, on the good side i've installed a free web filter thing. it didn't go too well at first because i have the password and can go in and change the settings... plus honestly i view things from google which doesn't come up as pornography on the web blocker. anyway. i finally just went in and blocked google video. and somehow, by the grace of God, whenever i go on that or any other search engine, i can't switch the preferences from strict to no filtering. believe me i've tried. but i'm ultimately thankful that i can't do that for some reason. and i haven't found myself trying to go in and use my password to change preferences. so somewhat of an improvement.
well what i would really like is for prayer about my relationship with God. i know by far my biggest problem is prayer. i just don't do it. at first it was out of guilt. but now... i don't know. i suppose i'm just lazy. as i've discovered in all areas of my life, i lack self-control and willpower to accomplish my goals, so that's part of it i'm sure. it's like i know i really need God but i just don't pray. i don't understand myself. i feel like i'm just coasting by in life... even when i have fun it's still kind of empty without God. it's also hard because i would really like to pursue leadership in Christian clubs on campus, and lead a worship team, and it's just so hard if i don't have the motivation to pray.
thanks for reading!
It's really hard to try to deal with my problem with pornography when I'm at school, since it's not really a problem here. so i assume that i'm doing better and then i come home and fail so quickly. it's so difficult being home because i just end up in the same familiar environments and situations, and i do the same thing i've always done... give in. so i'm quite scared for this summer, seeing as the last one was miserable.
However, on the good side i've installed a free web filter thing. it didn't go too well at first because i have the password and can go in and change the settings... plus honestly i view things from google which doesn't come up as pornography on the web blocker. anyway. i finally just went in and blocked google video. and somehow, by the grace of God, whenever i go on that or any other search engine, i can't switch the preferences from strict to no filtering. believe me i've tried. but i'm ultimately thankful that i can't do that for some reason. and i haven't found myself trying to go in and use my password to change preferences. so somewhat of an improvement.
well what i would really like is for prayer about my relationship with God. i know by far my biggest problem is prayer. i just don't do it. at first it was out of guilt. but now... i don't know. i suppose i'm just lazy. as i've discovered in all areas of my life, i lack self-control and willpower to accomplish my goals, so that's part of it i'm sure. it's like i know i really need God but i just don't pray. i don't understand myself. i feel like i'm just coasting by in life... even when i have fun it's still kind of empty without God. it's also hard because i would really like to pursue leadership in Christian clubs on campus, and lead a worship team, and it's just so hard if i don't have the motivation to pray.
thanks for reading!
You have been missed. I'm glad that you are doing well in school.
