Just dealing with some stuff
Posted: Mon Apr 05, 2010 6:53 pmI'm going to say i'm sorry now if none of this makes any since to anyone cause i'm just going through some stuff right now that i have to get out.
Last week I had to go through hostage negotiate training for work. I work for the department of corrections. It was a lot of useful information that we can use both in everyday life and also in case of a situation. But it really got me thinking about my job.
Why did i pick to work in the department of corrections? was it cause i thought that i could control things? even thought if something was to happen i know that i would have no control at all. was it so i could keep people that did thing to others away so they couldn't hurt anyone again.
I can not answer that question.
i know that in my marriage i always feel that i have to have the control on everything it is almost like i am scared if i don't have control i'm going to get hurt. so i become vary defensive and i don't know if it is because of where i work that i just bring that home with me or if it is because if my past.
then today my husband and i got into it again. it is almost becoming an every other day thing. i am so tired of fighting. i told him today that i am over it and i'm ready for a divorce. or that if we live together we will be staying in different rooms until one of us moves out. i just don't know what to do. he tells me that he loves me but i don't even think i know what that word means. to me it is just another word it has no meaning at all.
i don't know what to do at this point i'm sorry if none of this makes any since.
Last week I had to go through hostage negotiate training for work. I work for the department of corrections. It was a lot of useful information that we can use both in everyday life and also in case of a situation. But it really got me thinking about my job.
Why did i pick to work in the department of corrections? was it cause i thought that i could control things? even thought if something was to happen i know that i would have no control at all. was it so i could keep people that did thing to others away so they couldn't hurt anyone again.
I can not answer that question.
i know that in my marriage i always feel that i have to have the control on everything it is almost like i am scared if i don't have control i'm going to get hurt. so i become vary defensive and i don't know if it is because of where i work that i just bring that home with me or if it is because if my past.
then today my husband and i got into it again. it is almost becoming an every other day thing. i am so tired of fighting. i told him today that i am over it and i'm ready for a divorce. or that if we live together we will be staying in different rooms until one of us moves out. i just don't know what to do. he tells me that he loves me but i don't even think i know what that word means. to me it is just another word it has no meaning at all.
i don't know what to do at this point i'm sorry if none of this makes any since.