Christianity Oasis Forum

[Dora]

You sound so cheerful. What a breath of fresh air you are.

You can post where ever you feel comfy.

When I first started posting I posted my Many Called Few Chosen in the counseling.

I felt comfy there so I stayed there. You can stay where you wish.

God bless and keep you. Amazing work God is preforming in you.

[mlg]

mypsbox...posting where you feel led is the best place for you to post. Looking forward to hearing how you are growing with this step.

luv ya

[Tam]

myps, you can continue posting here or the counseling blog....it is entirely up to you sis.

[lizzie]

aww mypsy

Im so glad to see u back on this path.

I always thought I was the bad seed

If you could look through the eyes of God, how do you believe He would see you? Know that God sees the real you, the one He created you to be that has been beaten down by the world and the experiences that you have been thru. He sees the precious little girl He loves so much. Not a bad seed... No sister, God formed you with His own hands, every hair on your head was uniquely made. So start casting down that lie in Jesus name.

Keep pushing ahead, cheering for u as u go

Love and blessings to u mypsy

[Ann_is_Alive]

OK I have completed day 4 of the counseling steps.

Now I know why I never got very far after this step!

So, to forgive is to think of things as they were before the offense was committed.....Have you ever done anything that you wish you had never done?......that it would be forgotton totally.....It won't happen unless you forgive others the same way.

Um.....ok......I'm going to have problems with this one.

OK, I'm just come right out and say it.

If I sexually abused my daughter - pretty much - from the time she was born, I would not want to be forgiven. I would not expect to be forgiven. I would not forgive myself. I would feel ashamed for the rest of my life, for doing such horrible things to someone that I was supposed to love and protect.

Let me break it down......

First, I do not know what it was like before the offense was committed, as it was done before an age I can remember.

Second, yes, there are things I have done that I wish I haven't and wanted to be forgiven and it forgotten and I was forgiven and it was forgotten, but not this offense.

Finally, Since I believe I don't deserve forgiveness if I committed this offense, then I believe I don't need to forgive someone who committed this offense.

OK. I understand that I have let what my dad did to me, affect my trust in other people. I need to work on that, I know. I realize that I built my wall to protect me from my dad and other people-the people who have never hurt me. I am starting to tear down that wall one brick at a time and I am doing it without forgiving my dad.

I, also, understand that I have not forgiven myself for my participation in the abuse. I am starting to forgive myself and realize it is not my fault and I am doing it without forgiving my dad.

Finally, I just don't understand how one can forgive someone who does not even acknowledge an offense, let alone ask for forgiveness for that offense.

[Tam]

oh the hard one huh Forgiveness You are not sayin what they did is ok when you forgive them, you are releasing them so that God can do what He needs to do in you and He will give them the justice they deserve. No you didn't deserve this and no they don't deserve forgiveness, but did Jesus deserve to die on the cross. Not at all, He did it out of love. Love for you and me.
You have got to let it go and let forgiveness flow through you. It will eat you up inside.
Keep pressing in sis

[mlg]

Hey mypsbox...your honesty in this step sis is what is needed for you to be able to get past the past. Your dad hurt you in a way that no child should ever be hurt. What he did to you was not right. But....with knowing that you need to work on forgiving him so that you can be free from the hurt and the past. When you hold on to unforgiveness it still allows your dad to have some control over you...but if you forgive him...then that control is given to Jesus to wash away the past instead....once that is done you can be free of the past...free of the hurt...free of the anger you carry...free of the chains that are holding you back. You deserve to be free mypsbox....time to let go and let God. Forgiving doesn't mean that what your dad did was right...nor does it say it's ok for it to ever happen again...it's just allowing those chains that bind you to be loosened so you can fly free like a butterfly...

You can do this sis.

Keep working on the steps. Even if you can't get to the point of forgiving your dad now...keep working on it and keep going on to the next step.

luv ya

[Dora]

Hello Sister

I'm in the same boat.
But I know forgiveness doesn't effect him but it does effect me. So we must seek to forgive those who have hurt us, for our sake, not for theirs.

I can tell you what the Lord has took me through to help me to forgive but I feel you need to have your own personal journey with the Lord to find your freedom.

Forgiving him doesn't mean what he did was ok. It doesn't mean he can continue to hurt you. It just means you lay it down at the cross and allow God to have vengeance. He isn't going to over look what happened to His girl.

May you find freedom through Christ.

God loves you and so do I.

[lizzie]

Finally, Since I believe I don't deserve forgiveness if I committed this offense, then I believe I don't need to forgive someone who committed this offense.

sister mypsy, im going to be VERY honest with you, because i care for you and would want the same done to me.

In not forgiving the person who hurt you , you are in disobedience to JESUS.

So if u dont wanna do it for you, or for them... sister, do it for Jesus cuz He has asked this of you.

Luv u mypsy

[deetu]

hi my
Forgiveness is tough to understand.

I would not expect to be forgiven. I would not forgive myself. I would feel ashamed for the rest of my life, for doing such horrible things to someone that I was supposed to love and protect.

You wouldn't do this, I wouldn't do this but there is an evil that takes a person over where unfortunately, they give in to. These people don't feel shame or remorse for anything other then getting caught.
I am not saying that makes it okay but am saying so that you can understand why you need to be free. To break that bondage.

Finally, Since I believe I don't deserve forgiveness if I committed this offense, then I believe I don't need to forgive someone who committed this offense.

Finally, I just don't understand how one can forgive someone who does not even acknowledge an offense, let alone ask for forgiveness for that offense.

This healing isn't for him, it's for YOU. my, you don't have to tell your Dad that you forgive him. The only one that needs to know is YOU... you and your Heavenly Father. Your dad doesn't care if you forgive him; he can't think that way. The unforgiveness really doesn't effect him but it effects you and how you look at others. It is a burden that you are carrying. Oh it is so heavy. It's like carrying a backpack around, filled with bricks. It gets heavier and heavier as time goes on. Yes, you will get rid of a brick here and there but there is a pile on the bottom that is glued down.

If you can take that leap of faith, that trust in God to let it go, you would not believe the freedom, the lightness you will feel! You will not be saying what he did was okay, you will not be saying that you will not remember it, that it will be wiped from your mind, but simply that you forgive him. You will not need an apology from him to make it right because you forgive him. You will be able to help others who have these same strongholds because you have gone through them. And you will be FREE simply because you forgive him.
Then, you will be able to forgive yourself.

can you imagine a time when the thoughts and memories can come without pain? can you imagine when the flashbacks are no longer real?

again, it's not saying what he did was right, just saying, okay God, I release him and give him to you to deal with.

[Ann_is_Alive]

OK I have completed day 5 of the counseling steps.

I do have anger, revenge, fear, mistrust and hatred issues.

I am sometimes still angry at my dad for what he did. I do sometimes still hate him and hate what he did to me. I do sometimes still want revenge against him for what he did to me.

These are hard like the forgiveness thing.

I have fear and mistrust of other people and that I am working on - the tearing down the wall one brick at a time. I am slowly starting to trust and not fear other people anymore.

The links at the end of day 5 for all those certain problems - what do I do with those? Alot of those things apply to me. Am I supposed to go through those first, before I start day 6?

As far as day 4 and forgiveness, I understand that forgiveness is for me and not for him, I get that.

OK lizzie, my very HONEST wonderful sis, did He not say, forgive as you would want to be forgiven? Did He not say, if you would want to be forgiven for things, then you need to forgive him for things?

Am I wrong, did I get this wrong? I want to be correct on this. I am not trying to be difficult, I just want to make sure I understand. I feel very deeply about this forgiveness thing. I know, you think I'm holding on to something that I should just let go, but I am very serious about this.

To me, with God's help, I know I can work on the anger, hatred and revenge. I do not want to hold any of those feelings against him. To me, forgiveness is different. I'm not sure how to explain it. And maybe I am obsessing too much about this. I don't know.

[Tam]

Hi myps
Day 6 yay! Making progress here. I am so proud of you. The likes at the bottom of the page are further reading for you to do on your own. They are wonderful but not a part of the actually studies is my understanding.

The anger, the hurt, the bitterness. the revenge and the mistrust are all because you are still hurting and carrying some unforgivenenss. I wanted to recently run someone over with my car and leave it sitting on top of them because of something that the did that took the life of my grandmother. However I can not do that. That is God's job and I know that He can do it better than I can!

I said that to say that healing is a step process. It is not going to happen all at once. If it did what would we learn?

The trust will come with time. You are trusting some of us here which is a good start. Eventually you will begin to trust more and more and I think that once we get to that part of trusting more we will know in our knower who can be trusted and who can't. We will know them by their fruits.

You have got to let go of the anger and bitterness sis, It will eat you up inside and besides that it is no fun and you know that. Place it at Jesus feet and ask Him to help you with it.

Keep pressing in sis. You are really doing an awesome job! I believe in you and I know that you can do this.
Luv ya sis
Tam