Christianity Oasis Forum

[lynn46]

my duaghter recently told me she is bi-sexual and in a gay relationship what to do

[vahn]

Hello Lynn , welcome aboard .

In the past (recent one at that as well) , whenever I found myself faced with a disturbing "news" , situation , or some action(s) taken by others that I found disturbing , my first , and immediate reaction was to jump in and "fix" as quickly and discretely as I possibly could -- because of my fear of soemone else "finding out"-- and because of my action/re-action was based on fear more than anything else , I can safely say , I was not acting to the best of my potential , and so , my efforts were always unsatisfactory as well , which , in turn , led to frustration > anger > resentment(s) , and so forth (in that order) . Life , at that bracket of time became unmanagable ... to me .

But for the Grace of our Lord , who saw it fit to bestow me with a sponsor/mentor/spiritual advisor (without my permission ) , who changed my entire outlook upon life , and was litarally responsible for a phsychic change to take place deep in my soul , put it this way .

"No matter what happens in this God given life of ours , is God's business , and , whatever happens in OUR lives , especially when it is the "disturbing" variety , we instantly make it OUR business ... and THAT is where we go "wrong" " .

Of course I did not understand a word he said at that time , but I found out later (and put to action ) the theory that , whenever something happens , or people do/don't do , some fact of our life not going the way we like it to go , I , am the one being disturbed , and nothing else , bad , or otherwise (peace of mind) could come out of my disturbance , without first , finding out the exact reason of my disturbance , (fear , anger , resentment .... which , in turn , is a cause of ouf our separation from God [our business] )

How about we first , put our minds at peace (through the process of inventory offered here at the Oasis , CCCC forum) , and then , we will find ourselves more equipped with tackeling the issue . In the meanwhile , keep loving your daughter as you never loved her before .

P.S. ... My reply to your post is ONLY a reflection of my experience , other opinions and ways of solutions DO exist . There will be others who will come in and offer more to you ....(that is what we do ) and my hope is , that , by your overcoming of this situation will lead you to pass on to others what fruits you may produce .

Luv ya
In Christ , our Lord
vahn

[lynn46]

thank you for the reply i am not vey good at navigating chat rooms never done this before not to mention dealing with this news my daughter shared with me .we told her that we love her and always will that will never change.she is a great girl funny, smart, caring ,giving and also a christian but i do not know how to deal with this and the situations that more than likely will arise in the future such as her wanting to introduce us to who she is seeing,and family get togethers or family reactions.... she knows we do not condone the way she is living and i do not want to help or aide the relationship but we love her and want to keep the close relationship her and be in her life but i do not want to do anything that will compromise my feelings and values . i know her sin is no greater than anyother because sin is sin in the eyes of the +LORD and he does not use a 0-10 scale sis is sin just looking for help and gudience

[vahn]

My dear sister in Christ

Of the three "issues" that I noticed , 1 , (the easiest for me of course) , chat room navigation , on the top most bar , next to "home" , is the chat room button , click and presto , you're there , whoever happened to be there at that time will be more than willing to "show" you around ... by the way , which brings to mind , we do have an S.O.S. chat program as well as the forums ... how do we get there ? .... once we get to chat-room , or next to the chat "box/button" you will see another , it says chat calendar and events .

Now , all this "getting there" statements I just typed , brings us to issue # 2 , Projection - worry about how we going to be able to deal with "things" to come , explanations and all ... we deal with those as they come , THEN . Script : worry not what you shall say , for Holy Spirit will let you know what to say .. THEN "

Yes , of course sin is sin , but sin , and I speak for myself only on this matter , is not for me to "deal" with , dealing with sin is God's business , not mine . I don't have to like someone's life-style to be able to forgive and treat them as children of God ... for they too , are potential Christians as well .

There is nothing you should feel any guilt , or any of the other negative thoughts that are usually connected with the situation you found yourself in .

You are in the right place , keep up the good work .



In Christ , our Lord

[lynn46]

thank you so much i feel like i am floundering so talking to someone i hope will help me and the family.god bless

[dantyriverside]

hi lynn I know you are in a difficult place but be proud that your daughter had a close enough relationship to come out to you. My son just buried his classmate because he was gay and did not know how to come out to his parents.(or at least that is what everyone thinks). All of his classmates knew he was gay and even his twin brother knew but I guess the pressure was to much. So at 21 his parents found him dead in his bed one morning. Obviously the bond you have with your daughter is strong and you should be commended for that it must not have been easy for her to tell you. As vahn said just remember that no matter what she is still the little girl you raised and loved.The fact that she said she was bisexual means to me personally she is still a little confused herself. As vahn also said take things as they come and remember that God is with you always. Dont worry about what others think because as my mom maw always said "They dont pay your bills" in other words you dont really need them but your daughter needs you. People may talk at first but once they see you support your daughter and love her there will be no need for talk. And continue to invite your daughter to church and show her Gods love thats what she'll be looking for. When the whole world is against you, you should be able to come home to God and moma for serinity. I hope this helps. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Loves danty

[lynn46]

hi danty thank you so much for the kind words and advice it means sooo much to me i do not worry so much about what others say or think of me i have tough skin i just wish i could protect her the hurt she will encounter i hurt so much for her but i keep telling her that we will get through this as a family and that she is not alone in this .i pray all the time for strength for all of us and guidence and i have faith one of my favorite things to say is +"+Grater is +HE that is in me than you and all the world+!+"

[dantyriverside]

hi Lynn I know that phrase well and there are days when I have felt like I have been chanting it I have said it so much. I guess as moms we wish we could put our kids in a bubble and keep them from anything bad. I take it that your daughter is an only child. The reason I say that is because I have three sons and I would like to bubble wrap each of them so you are not alone in feeling that way. Unfortunately your daughter will face harsher criticism than say my son who is over weight or my son who has ADHD. But if this is the lifestyle she has chosen she will have to endure such things but I am sure knowing she has your love and support will make it better. How blessed you both are to have each other and to have God in your life as well WOW how awesome is that. Keep the faith.

Loves danty