Christianity Oasis Forum

[deetu]

The other day in Life Beyond Walls chat, something came up. I felt compelled to write this post.

I cannot begin to understand what has happened to a lot of you that you have built up your walls. The things that happened to me gave me a low self esteem but the walls were made of styrofoam, easily broken.

The question came up of what do you do when you let someone in and they let you down.

When I talk to people, I am careful in what I say and rely on the Holy Spirit for guidance. I know that the first step is trust... for the person to trust me not to judge them, not to let them down. For them to understand that I don't want or need anything from them... just an offer of friendship and help in finding freedom with the Lord.

But because I don't know the person's wounds, I sometimes hit a sore spot that they are not ready to face. And each person has a different trigger.

Now, think of a person who has no idea that you have walls. They don't know that you have sore spots... and if they did by you telling them, they don't understand how much it effects you. Especially if the person is not a Christian.
You draw back behind the safety of your walls and they don't know why. They will try to talk to you but you have already decided they are not worthy... they hurt you or may hurt you, so no matter how hard they try, you don't give. They don't understand, they can't understand because they didn't go through what you did but in most cases, they want to understand if you would give them a chance.

So, the point of this post is please, don't be too quick to judge us and run back behind the wall...keeping us away. We may not realize we hurt you because we have never been there and don't realize. Maybe, before that wall comes back up, you can give the person another chance.

My youngest sister was never close to me. I was excited and happy when I saw her once saying, "My long lost sister". This mortified her and kept her away for years. I had no idea what I said upset her and if given a chance, would have asked for forgiveness. We became closer during my mother's illness and passing but she is keeping me at a distance anew... answering my calls with an e-mail here and there saying she is okay but I know about the walls and mask now. I keep praying for her and planting seeds when I can until the time she knows God's love can set her free.

[Dora]

deetu
You've been such a blessing to me.

For me I think it's not so much someone touching a tender spot anymore as it is being in such a whirlwind of thoughts that I misunderstand and take a defensive stance while the enemy throws his words at me. Mentally exhausted from constantly battling the memories that are triggered through out the day, while dealing with life, then the fears and doubts sneak in and I begin to feel like everyone who reaches out to help me is going to turn on me. Weird. I know! So I snap to protect myself from more pain. I'm learning to notice when I'm beginning to snap at others in my defensive state so to not harm the ones who are trying to help. Like a child who has a sliver and the adult is lovingly trying to remove it but the child is terrified of the one trying to help. Feeling as if they are the one causing all the pain. The child can't see past their pain from the sliver. Afraid of who to trust.

I'm not saying everyone is this way, just sharing how I see myself lately.

I'm sorry to hear about your sister not extending grace.

Love you!