So much Grace , not enough time to share
Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 8:28 pmToday was "supposed" to be my day off , and at this moment I'm not saying that in a "whining" manner , though earlier at more than one occasion I found myself griping about it .
Had a lot to reflect on even though I didnt realize it until making it an effort to do so , and one thing led to another till finally I found myself being overwhelmed by my own thinking , remedy ? Take a stroll . While walking by the bay I realized how much of "life" I had been missing while I was going everywhere driving . I mean I get to see people and things in slo-mo.
Anyway , along the way I ran into some drunks , and street people and the more I saw the more my heavier my heart felt . Then I "woke" up ! Its my AA anniversary month next month , and every year for the past 10 yrs (minus 1) around this time , at my sponsor's suggestion 10 years ago , I was to go to my old haunts "just to remember when" , and I'd been doing that religously ever since , I'd go down to the park where without me knowing ,I took my what would be last drink , after crying out to the God of then my missundersting , to "Either take my life or do SOMETHING!! " . Well, He did both !! He took my old life and gave me a new one . In order to keep it that way I have to give it back to the next suffering soul I "chance" to meet . Buuut , I could never under stand why ? All I know is that I try my best to do so and it works and gave it no more thought .
Today was different , I "found" the answer to why God Graced me with His gift of sobriety that ultimately led me to establish an intimate relationship with Him.
See I always thought I received the Grace 'cause I was "special" or something , or that He didnt have anything else to do , and that it was His nature to be generous.
Today , as I passed the the last drunk , I just got tired of feeling sad , and heavy-hearted , I yanked a 10 dollar bill from my pocket and I asked the guy " How much booze will this buy you ? " to my surprize he said " vahn why do you want to do that ?" (told me he knew my name from AA) , so I yank another 10 and said "twenty minutes of your time , that's a dollar a minute , when was the last time you worked for sixty bucks an hour ? "
Took him to meeting (which by the way I havent been to one a long while myself) after he agreed to go to detox unit and while he was being admitted I called a half way house for a bed , and he agered to go for a screening after discharge .
I left the hospital 45 mins ago , it is now 9:19 pm , I met him at 8 this morning .
God just got tired of being hurt everytime he saw me in that miserable state I was in , that's why he Graced with His gift , not because I "deserved" it .
The best I can do today , is not hurt Him anymore by first staying sober , and help another soul that's causing God to hurt , and coming here to share that with you all .
Had a lot to reflect on even though I didnt realize it until making it an effort to do so , and one thing led to another till finally I found myself being overwhelmed by my own thinking , remedy ? Take a stroll . While walking by the bay I realized how much of "life" I had been missing while I was going everywhere driving . I mean I get to see people and things in slo-mo.
Anyway , along the way I ran into some drunks , and street people and the more I saw the more my heavier my heart felt . Then I "woke" up ! Its my AA anniversary month next month , and every year for the past 10 yrs (minus 1) around this time , at my sponsor's suggestion 10 years ago , I was to go to my old haunts "just to remember when" , and I'd been doing that religously ever since , I'd go down to the park where without me knowing ,I took my what would be last drink , after crying out to the God of then my missundersting , to "Either take my life or do SOMETHING!! " . Well, He did both !! He took my old life and gave me a new one . In order to keep it that way I have to give it back to the next suffering soul I "chance" to meet . Buuut , I could never under stand why ? All I know is that I try my best to do so and it works and gave it no more thought .
Today was different , I "found" the answer to why God Graced me with His gift of sobriety that ultimately led me to establish an intimate relationship with Him.
See I always thought I received the Grace 'cause I was "special" or something , or that He didnt have anything else to do , and that it was His nature to be generous.
Today , as I passed the the last drunk , I just got tired of feeling sad , and heavy-hearted , I yanked a 10 dollar bill from my pocket and I asked the guy " How much booze will this buy you ? " to my surprize he said " vahn why do you want to do that ?" (told me he knew my name from AA) , so I yank another 10 and said "twenty minutes of your time , that's a dollar a minute , when was the last time you worked for sixty bucks an hour ? "
Took him to meeting (which by the way I havent been to one a long while myself) after he agreed to go to detox unit and while he was being admitted I called a half way house for a bed , and he agered to go for a screening after discharge .
I left the hospital 45 mins ago , it is now 9:19 pm , I met him at 8 this morning .
God just got tired of being hurt everytime he saw me in that miserable state I was in , that's why he Graced with His gift , not because I "deserved" it .
The best I can do today , is not hurt Him anymore by first staying sober , and help another soul that's causing God to hurt , and coming here to share that with you all .
