A lonely place this side of Eden

[mlg]

Aha the revelation is that it truly isn't about us but all about God. Something we all struggle to grasp especially when we are being persecuted by others. It's so easy to turn and look at how we are hurt by something someone said, but if we would instead immediately turn to God and ask Him to find glory in our situation, then we would see that even our trials are about Him.

Glad to see you praising God during your day of toughness

Tomorrow is a new day.

luv ya

[josinella]

I felt like I was losing the battle today. I felt really alone. I don't have many close friendships, the kind that call or come by. I visit others, call when they are sick, I support my friends as best I can, I pray for people. But I don't feel connected. I don't know what it is that I do that people treat me like I am not there. Or is it always me?

The message that I am getting is that it isn't me. People are caught up in life and busy themselves with the things of this world. I got the flu this week and I found out how isolated I am. Somehow I feel this is where God wanted me to be to look at things. There is a real spiritual war going on and it doesn't look anything like I imagined.

I am glad that my kids are all saved and knowing of the Father. I say this because it is one thing to be saved, another to know Him. My kids (the younger ones, 11 & 15) surprised me yesterday. They had a heated discussion in the car on the way home. They are very angry and concerned with the things their friends believe in. They don't get how people can believe in everything (so fleeting) accept God, who is everything (my daughter was yelling). I see the beginnings of the final days, it's not a pretty picture. The demon has no limit on who he picks.

I don't think my loneliness is by my design, it is just how things are starting to measure up, or not. It is all in what we choose to follow. I think that God is really trying hard to keep me from falling too! I'm glad I chose to follow God, and that He is ever present in my life. I'm not perfect but in my sin (like David), I ask God's forgiveness, I praise Him and glorify Him. And He loves me even more, like He draws me nearer.

I get closer to Him with every situation. I have a peace, even when things aren't going the way I would like them to. The peace is in knowing and appreciating that God knows what is best for me, and what I want is sometimes not what is in His will for me. Makes it a lot easier to be faithfully patient. That's my lesson learned this week. I know the enemy is really getting busy because my babies see it, it's not just me. I'm a soldier in training for battle and I can't let the god of this world take me.

Romans 12:2, And be not conformed to this world; but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Proverbs 4:23, Keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life.

[comfy]

Hi, Josinella . . . I'm single, at age 62, and in my church we have a number of married couples; so . . . I do feel connected and with good friendship, but I know they are busy > including they were members before I came along, plus ones have grandkids, even. But in the Holy Spirit I can feel connection with the different people everywhere in the Body of Christ > "in one body," it says in Colossians 3:15. And with not so much activity with ones I get along with, I can appreciate more when we are together, instead of having a lot and taking it for granted or expecting it.

There was a time when I was staying with my mother in this town, and she was possibly trying to keep me from talking with people in this area . . . where she had her reputation. I chose to go along with this, and I could greatly appreciate just opening the post office door and getting a smile; but the good was I was appreciating human contact, instead of expecting and taking it for granted. And I trusted God to have things work the way He saw fit, and I understood that how He knew I really was would have to do with how He saw fit to make things work for me to be sharing with others.

It worked together, that as I became more social and interested in others, to care about them and not just use them for talk and attention, then was when she died and all of a sudden I was loose. But I was ready to be sensitive with each person, not just taking over the person with talk and my way of working a conversation . . . something I need to remember not to do. We can play and work things for what we want, instead of submitting for You, LORD, to have Your way with us and our relating.

Good to see you, Josinella . . . may we do better with the LORD . . .

[mlg]

Reading your post really makes me think tonight. I too sometimes feel alone in the world...because my friends are "busy"...but as I've learned, as long as Jesus is with me...I'm never truly alone. I've learned to lean on Him more and more when I need a friend. He never leaves, He's always there and waiting...He loves it when I turn to Him to talk.

Glad your finding peace in His presence.

luv ya

[josinella]

I know I post a lot of notes only because I feel compelled to by the Holy Spirit. I know that someone could be reading these who is struggling to come to know Christ, so I share my walk that someone else may begin theirs. I grew up church-going and I never really understood Christian development. I thought that once you committed yourself to God, that was it. I always felt that God's foot soldiers

[mlg]

Wow, wow, wow...don't ya love the visits with the Spirit Aww my sister what a wonderful way to awaken, to have a cleansing visit from Him. One that shows you He has known you and everything about you, from before you were formed in the womb.

I think your sharing your thoughts sister is very much what God wants you to do. There are others out there, that are now where you have been. I pray they hear your shared message.

luv ya

[comfy]

That's so beautiful, Josinella . . . thank you . . .

and I can thank God for my busy friends who have families, and enjoy their having families, though I don't > they are giving attention to their families and I can appreciate this loving they are doing and pray for them.

[deetu]

Wow, that was really cool.

josinella, have you been feeling like God wants you to do something with women lately? As I was reading your post, I got the feeling like you were suppose to bring a group of women together... hurt women who didn't trust the church but have been searching for something, not knowing it is God.

[josinella]

Thanks for all your wonderful posts! It was the urging of the Father that I wrote the last post, and the 9 others that are out on Facebook.

Deetu, it is interesting that you asked about the women's group. I just completed 8 weeks of peer counselor's training for a national Christian womens ministry center. I never thought I would see myself doing anything like this, and we have a wonderful group of women that I went through the training with.

I am also a youth leader and I have a group that I work with on Wednesdays. I am also a bus driver and have acquired a group of troubled youth. So, the mission field is wide open, Satan has no limits, especially, no age limits. When we spared the rod, we lift our children vulnerable to the will of Satan. Kids yearn also for direction, structure, love and truth. I am a living example. It took me 53ys to grow up but I am glad I am on the right path with Him. Glory be to God!

[Dora]

I'm glad to Josi

GB

[mlg]

Awww josinella, I just love hearing about the ways God is using you for His ministry. Driving a bus for troubled children...what a way to share Love with them that they are in such need for.

God has gifted you sis...you have compassion for little ones it sounds like. Please keep sharing what God is doing through you. Sure makes me smile.

luv ya

[josinella]

Had a set back last night with the youth at our church, or more appropriately, the adults. The kids were acting up and a few of the leaders lost it. On my way home, I was fighting back tears and I'm still not sure why. Kids today, are not like the kids of yesterday. I know that parents are to blame but when we allowed prayer to be taken out of the schools, spanking to be a crime, we set the stage for a generation of unstructured youth to emerge. They have a void in their belief system and have filled it with anything but the love and wisdom of God (i.e. "The Dark Carnival, et.al.) Because of economic trends, parents are working longer hours to make ends meet which leaves kids at home to fend for themselves and each other.

If we don't try to reach kids today by approaching them in effective ways, our children (saved) will truly be a "peculiar" people living in a heathen society. This is seen repeatedly throughout the old testament. Kids are vulnerable to satan (just as adults), we have left them defenseless against him. I see this so much everyday and I don't get how defensive people can be about reaching out to them. Their souls are worth saving too! I know that everyone is not called to do this. I know that God sent me to this church for a reason but I feel like I am fighting a loosing battle. I know God is there but I felt spent last night. I felt fine before I went to the church but afterwards, I felt like my soul was on fire with emotion at how the kids were acting (bad) and the leadership's response to it (anger). I was restless and fighting back tears most of the evening.

I'm stuck because the kids have unmet need, I feel called to reach out to them and God has given me direction in this, yet I am working with leadership that don't trust to move. They say that they need to pray about them but we were at this point last year. Kids today are different and satan is picking them off early in life. I need to pray about how I am feeling, I'm not sure what it means?

I wrote the pastor and a couple of the leaders about the situation and a growing desire I have to find another church home. I am questioning my membership there. or maybe God is trying to move us and this is His way of getting us to move. Like I said, I am really unsure of where I am at with this. Any suggestions?