Christianity Oasis Forum

[dantyriverside]

My sister is pregnant with twins and it is a high risk pregnancy. So, my mom and I agree not to argue with her , even when she is wrong or hormonal,(she is taking alot of hormones to keep the babies). Anyway, last night she was belittleing my son and keep on and on and I told her "look I am his mom I don't want to hear about y'alls fights." So she quit for a few minutes and starts back and then starts saying he is the problem right, right, just say he is the problem. I told her fine, she is right and whatever she says. She got mad and hung up the phone. My mom just got out of the hospital. She was even in ICU for a few days for bleeding ulcers. Both my mom and I are Christians and my sister is not. Or I should say, I don't think she is right with the lord. I've been praying about it. I just don't know if I should call to apoligise. I don't feel like I did anything wrong. What kind of mother am I, if I let her continue to speak about my child that way. He is 22 and She is 38. I did not want to be put in the middle, yet here I am. I can't tell my mom or my son and I don't want to miss out on my nieces' or nephews' birth.

[TrueAndMagneticNorth]

Hi dantyriverside,

Sorry to hear about the problems you've been having. I have some thoughts on the situation you've outlined. Of course, it's best to let God do the talking, ie. through scripture. But as I can't think of any verses at this point that apply directly to your situation, I can only talk to you, based on life experiences, about what might be the best way to proceed on this.

Obviously, God wants your family to stay close and to overcome the difficulties, complicated as they obviously are. But while He would want you to be sensitive to your sister's difficulties right now (and from what I read, you are indeed being sensitive about this), He would not want you to apologize if there is nothing for you to apologize for.

So, regarding the lack of contact after the 'hang-up' incident, it might be an example of just one of those things that needs to be forgotten, not mentioned again. My suggestion is perhaps just to ring her up some time soon, just to ask her how things are going, or for some other non-related issue. This could be the best way to break the ice in this regard.

Regarding defending your son if he is unfairly criticized, the trick is to defend him while not attacking the one doing the criticizing. I know, this is easier said than done, and something that I do not claim to be so good at myself. But, for example, if an unfair claim is made about him, maybe you could quietly reply with something like, 'Okay, that's your view, but I have another view about my son,' or 'Okay, you've made your view about him very clear to me.'

So maybe in this way you can distance yourself from the unfair criticism while at the same time being sensitive to your sister's issues.

I'll stop it there. Maybe my advice has helped, maybe not, but the important thing to remember is that God does have a solution and the best advice on how to proceed on this. I'll pray for you and for your whole family. Hope if goes forth in a positive manner.

God bless.

[dantyriverside]

I am sorry it took so long to update. I followed your advice and gave my sister some space and she called me. She apologized for being hormonal without me even saying anything. We are all one big happy family again. Thank you for you advice and prayers

[TrueAndMagneticNorth]

Nice to hear back from you, and great to hear that there is harmony in the family again. Praise be to Jesus for this. And may he guide your sister through her pregnancy. I hope it all goes well in this regard, and will pray for this.