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Im not entirely sure what happened to my sanity today, but if you didnt go to youth group with me tonight you missed my fantastically hysterical breakdown. seriously, I cried for no reason for about an hour and a half possibly more. which is extraordinarily strange for me because I never cry and I'm still not really sure why but hopefully while I go on this rant Ill figure it out and let you know.
I don't really know whether its the current situations Ive found myself in or whether or not my breakdown was because I let satan get to me and whisper his ugly lies in my ear or if it was God delivering the final punch or maybe even that I just needed to breakdown and cry and let things out before I could move on with my life and get back on track.
Im pretty sure its a combination of all of the above though, maybe God used satans lies to hit me with a nice big brick. maybe he threw it at me because he wanted to break me one more time so that he can pick up the pieces of the pieces I had from the last time he broke me and re mold them into what He wants me to be.
if thats true then I have to do my part and pick myself up, dry my tears, and put on my armor of faith so that I can rise to His plans for me. I dont know what he wants me to do yet, but I feel like he's been tapping on my shoulder and calling me to start a ministry at my church for cutters and people that self harm...what the heck am I supposed to do with that?! I dont know. But I feel like maybe thats what god is leading me to do and maybe thats why he chucked a really big brick at me today.
maybe he just wanted to break me so I ended up in that place where I could say enough is enough I cant do life on my own and I need God to mold me into what he wants me to be and not what other people want me to be.
so here I am..nice and broken, waiting to be re molded.

My dear Rain...God loves you and has you on the potters wheel, and He knows what He is doing with your life. you just have to to do the trusting and love Him ..you are a willing vessel i see that, no matter why you cry,God uses everything for good, to those who love and serve Him...so we are winners, just keep being pliable in His hands and His truth and purpose for you will come to light..in the mean time, just worship Him, read His word..and talk to Him daily...and begin to reach out to others and show them that thru His life and power,they too can be healed and have a life free from bondage.

God bless you and remember there is always someone here to help or pray with you..