Christianity Oasis Forum

[modelbuilder]

If I am going to be honest in this journal I have to start with this; I am not one hundred percent convinced that this is going to work. I am in my early fifties and nothing has ever gotten my heart free to feel with any lasting effect. I was raised in such a fashion as to not show any emotions, to not feel anything and any display of emotions was ridiculed soundly. Between that and some very unpleasant things that happened to me at a young age I walled my heart off, it was the only way for me to survive, and survived I have. I have trooped through this life like a Marine going through the Pacific Island warfare of World War Two. I am able to deal with difficult situation as that is what I do, I survive, but letting anyone close to my heart, the lady I love my beautiful wife, is something that I do not know how to do. I am on this website as an emotional corpse with said emotions buried, layered over in concrete and re-bar, think of the German U-boat pens in Brest, France - direct bomb hits would not break them. Love is not an emotion, it is a commitment, that is the way I see it.
All that said to say this. I scraped up what faith I have in regards to something in the way of being set free to try this. I hope it is enough.