Christianity Oasis Forum

[dohdohfruit]

Day 1 on the path- I have had an overall feeling of hopelessness lately and a major lack of faith. I usually experience transitional anxiety but I am really having a hard time with all the changes going on in my life right now. I struggle with anger problems that run in my family and I have been doing so well at keeping anger at bay for the past few months and this morning I just snapped. I lashed out at my husband and my son and I really feel guilty. In retrospect I know I could have handled that better. I feel like God is just showing me a mirror of who I really am through marriage. We have been together 2 years and moved really fast. I feel like as soon as I start thinking I have a handle on things out comes this monster in me. Sometimes I feel like he brings out the worst in me but I know he is God's will for me and I have to make more of a conscience effort to control myself and be patient. It seems so hard cuz I did not grow up with a good example but I feel like the Lord is telling me 'no more excuses its time to start working through your problems.' God has been encouraging me not to give up because honestly it is such the easy way out.... Something in my past keeps coming up as well. I was raped 7 years ago and when it happened my sisters were not supportive and ignored the situation, which made me bury it and I never really confronted this emotionally. It came up a couple of weeks ago and I brought it up with my sister (we reconciled a broken relationship) and she pretty much stayed silent. Myself, I was not completely comfortable talking about it because it felt like I was re-living things. I have never shared this with my husband because some comments he makes from cases on t.v. lets me believe he will not be supportive. I really am just praying for a closer relationship with God and peace of mind. I pray God delivers me from anger and inferiority problems. In Jesus' name. Amen.

[dema]

There are so many layers in what you say.

Your sister being silent - because she doesn't know what to say. Sometimes silence is good - but if she had just said, "I'm so sorry for how you are hurting" it would have helped so much.

I am so sorry for how you are hurting.

Did you get angry because your husband triggered you? Did he do something your angry father did? Do you have fears because of an angry father?

Or was your husband pushing you and out of line?

It is normal for a person in an abusive relationship to blame themselves. And it is normal for a girl with an abusive father to marry a man like him - or opposite from him.

Are the anger issues abuse? Is your husband chronically angry and you feel like if you just did it right that everything would be okay? That doesn't work out. Not without the husband seeking anger counseling.

Most of all, please give it to God. God wants us to depend on him. You can't fix you. And God won't fix you without your participation. Give it to God and be willing to listen.

But, honey, you are not supposed to be the receiver of everybody's anger. That isn't why God created you. If that is what is happening then something must change.

[dohdohfruit]

Thanks for your reply Dema. I did have an abusive father and our relationship has mended since I have become an adult and moved out his home. My husband is not abusive but he was out of line when it happened. I just really am starting to realize my own anger issues and am praying that God delivers me from this. I have been lashing out in anger more since I have been married. I know anger runs in my family and I don't want to ruin my relationships or hurt anyone from being angry.

[dema]

It is important to acknowledge your right to be angry - and that alone can help to prevent lashing out. It is possible to learn to say, "That action angers me. I need a time out." and then take one. Part of anger is a sense of loss of control. Of having boundaries broken.

YOu need your boundaries. You need to feel safe. Developing firm boundaries and ways of feeling safe are important and can help to prevent anger issues.

Hugs.