Christianity Oasis Forum

[wonder777]

I like the summary of Step #3. All saints are sinners who fell and got back up. About forgiving myself, I can't understand that concept. After all these years, what happened before still affects me on some level. The atrocities of one man altered everything for me. If it wasn't for him, I would have had a chance to marry, even kids by my age now. Because of my autism, I used to go to sleep and pray to God I would wake up normal. I've always felt like an alien sent to earth to observe the natives. I'm around at everyone in school and wonder, how can kids treat each other like they do? I know there was more abuse than I remember, but by God's grace He erased those memories so I can stay sane. Could anyone help me understand the concept of forgiving myself? Thank you, Wonder

[mlg]

Hey there wonder...step 3 yay! So you are working on forgiving yourself.....well the first step to forgiving yourself begins with repenting of your sins to God and accepting His forgiveness for your sins. Then forgiving yourself comes by knowing that God has forgiven you and to hold on to any unforgiveness towards yourself comes from Satan planting weeds in your garden...and you have to get hold of those weeds and pull them out. Often unforgiveness comes from reliving past sins...but you don't need to live in the past....the past can't hurt you anymore...so don't let it....just know you are truly loved by Jesus and He has already paid the price for your sins....so you don't have to....your debt is paid in full...so begin working on building your future with the loving presence of God leading your path. You are doing great with the steps...keep pushing through...

Take Care

[momof3]

Hi Wonder, I just wanted to add to what MLG said....my sister in Jesus, forgiving ourselves is one of the toughest things we try to do. What helps me is asking myself if Christ's sacrifice...what He did for us on the cross is enough. Is it enough or was only done half way...when I think of it that way, I have to answer...it is enough. The enemy will bring up all the stuff weve ever done if he thinks it will cause a gap between us and Jesus...and tell us that Christ's sacrifice is enough for everyone else but ___________ (your name there).....He didnt do it halfway. His grace is freely given out of His total, pure, true, unconditional love for us...a love we can't fully understand without first understanding how unconditional it really is.

As for the man who hurt you......I wonder what, in his life, caused him to be the way he is. Something, someone...somewhere.....hurt him, too. Forgiving him is gonna be tough. Start with deciding that he is human...he is a sinner too....and decide that you are going to forgive him. That doesnt make what he did right...it removes your noose from his neck and frees you....and pray for him....that God would reach him...that God will help you forgive. And each time the memories come back, decide again.

We live in an ugly world...with some ugly people...all of whom the enemy of our souls is chasing after...and we all need Him and His forgiveness. I know you can do this with the Holy Spirit's help...that's His promise. Keep on keeping on. Ill be praying for you along with many other prayer warriors here. God bless you and don't give up...you arent alone.

in Jesus,
love momo

[dema]

You were created in God's spiritual image. You are precious and valuable to him. Because there is sin in the world, and free will, you have been damaged. But spiritually, Jesus died so that you have no penalty for anything that YOU have done no matter what. Provided, and only provided, that you accept his sacrifice.

When you accept his sacrifice, you are accepting that Jesus is Lord. Boss. And that he has the right to punish for sins and you don't. At the same time that you are accepting his full forgiveness for YOUR sins, you are also accepting that it is HIS right, and not yours, to punish the sins of anybody else. You have no blame on you. But you have no right to blame others either.

In the process of working through the injury - of setting the bone on the emotional injury - it is necessary to realize how hurt you were. That you were innocent, that you lost potential, that you have been damaged for years. And to weep over those losses. But then, you need to let it go. To recognize God's total Sovereignty - his Kingly power - and to release to him the pain and the anger. You should also realize the specifics of what happens when you experience shame. You may need help to release those things.

Shame frequently prevents people from feeling worthy of looking others in the eyes - you are washed clean through the blood of Christ. You can look them in the eye.

Shame can make you want the pity of others - you have given it to Jesus - you walk forth as though you were free of the past and most of the time you will be. Not all the time.

The past may cause fear - probably does - take precautions. Listen to your instincts. Be safe. But within that framework, God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Notice your posture - you may need to work on getting shoulders back and head up.

Dress attractively. Wear clothes that are appropriate for the situation and that fit you. Don't hide behind layers and layers of unattractive baggy clothes.

It is work to go out and face the world. Much easier to hide behind anger. Anger feels safe. Letting it go feels scary. But you have to let the anger go.

When you keep the anger after years and years, there are two ways to look at it. One is that you are giving that creep the right to take your whole life. Is that what you want? The other is that it isn't him taking it at this point, it is your remaining in anger instead of letting the anger go. Even worse.

You have to let the anger go. It has a place - anger isn't all bad. But you cannot keep it. And from what you have written, I believe you have lived in a place of anger for many years.

How do you let the anger go? You give it to God. Over and over. Twenty times a day. When you realize you are angry, you say a prayer, put your fists out in front of you, turn your hands over, open them up and shake them out. Twenty times a day if you need to.

Forgiving yourself? God forgives, and he has forgiven. Are you bigger than God? God says that you are forgiven.

When you let the anger go, you will need something else to think about. Find things. Verses, songs, puzzles, find things to think about. Otherwise the thoughts will pop right back.

[Mackenaw]

Hello Wonder

God bless you this day.

You have received some wonderful advice with detailed explanations. God is Good!!!

By the way, your last post was posted upon completion of Stepping Stone #3. Stepping Stone #4 addresses the topic of forgiving yourself, so I hope you'll read it and that you'll also read all the Stepping Stones of the CCCC Study, unto completion. It is a true blessing.

God bless and keep you.
In Christ Jesus' love,
Sister Mack

[Dora]

I like the summary of Step #3. All saints are sinners who fell and got back up. About forgiving myself, I can't understand that concept. After all these years, what happened before still affects me on some level. The atrocities of one man altered everything for me. If it wasn't for him, I would have had a chance to marry, even kids by my age now. Because of my autism, I used to go to sleep and pray to God I would wake up normal. I've always felt like an alien sent to earth to observe the natives. I'm around at everyone in school and wonder, how can kids treat each other like they do? I know there was more abuse than I remember, but by God's grace He erased those memories so I can stay sane. Could anyone help me understand the concept of forgiving myself? Thank you, Wonder

I'm so glad you are doing the CCCC study and so glad to have a family in Christ willing to walk with you through this.

Sis you mentioned you were abused. They say I'm a survivor as well. And I know forgiving self for what they did, let me say that again, forgiving SELF for what THEY did, is hard.

I just want to make sure you aren't carrying guilt and shame because of what was done to you. We survivors usually do. I still don't consider myself clean though I know Christ has made me clean. It just hangs on sometimes ya know.

I sure wouldn't ask you to confess what they did to you. But perhaps you need to share what they did so you make sure it's your sin and not their sins you are not forgiving yourself for.

I want you to know, you are loved. Just as you are. By us but yet more importantly by God. No matter what you have done, no matter what they have done you are loved.