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Its day 15 & I just finished stepping stone 12. I really needed this one today. Got to sleep around 2am then woke up just before 7am. I’ve been feeling really good, filled with the Spirit then for some reason I woke up depressed with a feeling of defeat. I had something to eat, watched a little TV, & then went back to bed & didn’t wake up until noon. Part of it may be because I stopped smoking (day 3) & I don’t have enough money to keep up with the bills or tithe. Money has been a major problem all my life. It just seems like no matter what I do nothing is ever enough. Then I feel guilty about not tithing & feel as though I’m not trusting God & that’s why I don’t have enough money. Add into the equation that I have low self-esteem, really don’t believe in my own abilities, & that’s why I’m 55 years old & have nothing to show for it. Then I planned on doing some work on the house & if you saw my house you’d understand. It would be easier to burn the place down & start all over again, that’s how bad it is. I don’t do anything because 1. I get little to no help 2. In the past I have cleaned up only to have it wind up worse than before & 3. I fix things (costing money) only for them to be damaged again. I just get so ever whelmed I don’t know where to start; it’s bad, very bad. I know this is just one big pity party I’m throwing here but these are the kind of thoughts that get me into trouble causing me to fall! I’m gonna get out there today & try & do what I can. I have to start somewhere because I just can’t live like this anymore.

Hi JohnR,

Just as I read through what you have shared for your day 15...I immediately think of how the enemy is walking to and fro around you today...trying to devour you...trying to bring your walk with God to a stand still. This fight called "life" is not an easy one...often we are oppressed...often we face trials...often things are thrown in our direction to make us depressed if we allow it...but the key here is..."if we allow it".

What if we were to take a different look at all the things you are going through...you mentioned no one is there to help you...well that isn't true...cuz God is there and He does want to help..so don't believe you are alone...cuz He will never leave you nor forsake you according to His word.

So you've cleaned up only to have everything in disarray and disrepair again...hmmm I wonder if that doesn't sound like a typical Christian life at times...with Jesus looking upon us...He washes us in the blood...and then we fall back and fall down...and get all dirty again...but you know what's really cool? All we have to do is reach out and try to get back up and ask Him to clean us off again through forgiveness and mercy...and He is more than happy to do so...in fact He instantly does so...and so my friend...if what you clean up gets dirty...clean it again...just like Jesus blood does for all Christians.

So finally you are overwhelmed...and don't know where to start...how about begin with not worrying about tomorrow...or what's going to happen even in the next few hours...just set a small goal...what happens in the next few minutes counts...and I hope you will make the most of it...it's not how much you do...but that you do it...God is there cheering you on...you can do this.

Praying God's blessings upon you...

Take care

JohnR wrote: 1. I get little to no help 2. In the past I have cleaned up only to have it wind up worse than before & 3. I fix things (costing money) only for them to be damaged again. I just get so ever whelmed I don’t know where to start; it’s bad, very bad. I know this is just one big pity party I’m throwing here but these are the kind of thoughts that get me into trouble causing me to fall! I’m gonna get out there today & try & do what I can. I have to start somewhere because I just can’t live like this anymore.

You just explained the life once knew and still know to some degree.

Grrrr that can be frustrating to no end! You clean something and they destroy it with out even seeming to notice. Ugh. I gave up too. It made things worse. Then i got so overwhelmed that I couldn't breathe. Depression hit hard. I have lived this and seen others trapped in it as well. It makes every day difficult. Our home was so unfit my babies blanket froze to the wall one winter. I was freaked out at how cold the baby was and would wrap him up close to me so he could live off my body heat during the winter months from then on. It got ruff, but I made it through and things are better. Stay in the battle as the end may be just around the corner.

May I suggest you simplify. Keep your room clean and tidy. Get rid of things you don't use with in 6 months. We tend to have so many clothes and towels that we are over whelmed when it's all dirty. When in reality we only need a few things and one or two towels each. When your personal space is clean and tidy you will have a place that doesn't feel over whelming.

Mostly pray pray pray. Pray for His guidance and comfort during this difficult time. I'm praying for you as well as many others here are. I believe in you John. Mostly I believe in the God that resides with in you.

He loves you and so do i.

VERY COOL!!! God is Awesome! I love God & I love you all my brothers & sisters in Christ. I get cranky sometimes but I don't wallow in it anymore. As a matter of fact I fixed the problem with one of the electrical curcuits yesterday. Little by little I'll (as they say down here) git-r-done.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!!

Doesn't that feel good to get something done.

Remember even small steps are still steps.