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My journal entry #3

Postby Lynnstan » Wed Feb 01, 2012 10:57 pm

I am so thankful I found this sight. The lessons so far are so rich, biblically sound, and exactly what I need. I am so thankful for my friends who are praying for me.

Oh Lord, you know the sorrow that satan has allowed to grow and grow in my garden. I haven't allowed myself to fully accept your gift of grace. While I know grace is a gift, and I need to simply accept your gift, I've spent years trying to earn your forgiveness. Thank you, God, for sending your Son for us sinners. I don't deserve it -- no one does. I've often thought what I'll do when I first see Jesus - I'll collapse to the floor -- not feeling worthy to even be near him. I need to open my hands and accept God's grace and love.

My heart is feeling lighter today. It feels good to have a place to write my true thoughts and emotions. The Lord has blessed me with a giving, listening heart. But, that has made it difficult for me to speak out about my feelings. It's been easier to listen to others and give a kind ear, than dump all the garbage that's going on inside of me onto someone.

I'm ashamed looking back on my pride and selfishness. Sin is such a slippery slope -- it was so easy to pile on sin on top of sin on top of sin, and feel no remorse. Since re-dedicating myself to the Lord about 8 years ago, I've realized how wrong and shameful my past is. And satan sure used that to hold me down. I've thought for the last several years that I'd always feel pain. But I do know that Jesus wants me to live w/ joy.

I'm sure David always mourned the loss of his son (consequences of his sin). And I will mourn what could have been - a functional family unit instead of me marrying/divorcing/marrying/divorcing/ and remarrying this time to a Christian man. Being in a 3rd marriage is not easy, but we are placing Jesus at the center of our marriage and have been talking and working on our issues. I know God hates divorce, and even though this is my 3rd marriage, he wants me to stay married. I pray every day for our marriage.

I am thankful for feeling lighter inside today. My love goes to all -- God is so good . . .
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Lynnstan
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Re: My journal entry #3

Postby Leilove » Thu Feb 02, 2012 12:06 am

Hi Lynn......I know the peaceful feeling yuou are talking about. I started feeling it after I lost my job and started developing a closer relationship with Jesus. Seems like you and I are a lot alike in things we are dealing with. I've found that if Jesus is not first in our lives then nothing will mean anything to us. I now start everyday in time with Jesus and it feels wonderful. I try to turn to Him frequently during my day and I hope as time goes on He will be in my life and thoughts more and more.
WHen you need to talk....remember Jesus is always there to listen....just get away by yourself and talk to Him just as Jesus used to get away to talk to our Father. And if you ever need a earth person to talk to you can alwasy talk with me and I will listen. I know how it feels when you just want to talk to another person here on earth. But always remember we need to talk to God most of all.
God bless and you will remain in my prayers. Karen
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Leilove
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Re: My journal entry #3

Postby Mackenaw » Thu Feb 02, 2012 6:08 pm

Hello Lynnstan :)

God bless you this day.

I just wanted to drop you a quick note to encourage you and to let you know how inspiring it is to read your posts and to witness your praise and worship of our Lord. Awesome!!! Thank You Jesus \o/ \o/ \o/

God bless and keep you.
In Christ Jesus' love,
Sister Mack
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