Christianity Oasis Forum

[ptroubador]

I know I have worked on many many areas of life that need improvement. I have successfully beat drug addiction. I have successfully served in the service to our country, and have honorable discharge.
I have done what I thought was the right thing to do, after praying and seeing doors opened; whether it was going back to school at 46 to get my 1st degree, which has left me in a financial mess at age 51 and have ran out of finiancial help, and stuck with a huge bill; I have participated in a choir playing percussion for a few years, and then because of some circustance I find myself in (which, God, I will mention next), I took a job, which I travel to different parts of the world and not knowing when I will arrive home, or where I will go next, and God it is good, I am so thankful to you that I have a job, when many people are struggling to find work, and see many parts of the earth you have created and the many different people you have made, God I am forever thankful and grateful for this. I am struggling now, as when I arrive back home, and have not firends I can connect with, it is difficult to maintain a healthy relationship.
God, I was helping out this person, and then I find that she had did me this financial harm, and I am paying for it for over 11 years, which I cannot change jobs or go back to on campus school full time at a non profit, since the court has said if I dont pay I go to jail, and the court takes 65% of my pay, and although I have credit now, God, because of my circumstances, I cannot get a loan for a home, and therefore rent a room.
God, it appears that I am in bondage, to this world system, and I really dont like that at all. I am not free to do whatever it is that you have called me to do. And God, I honestly dont know right now, since I am so far in debt, I travel like carzy everhwere, and now I cannot even finish my college education because of running out of money.

So God, I know you are good. That I am very sure of. I have been searching for what you want me to do, and when I step out in faith, I dont get another direction to go, and then the door slams on what I thought was what you desired for me.
God, Please help me to know what you want me to do with the remaining years of my life. I admit to you that now for sure I have no clue what you want me to do with my life, and I can honestly say, whether it is my prupose on earth, or when I go to mass...."Why am I here......?

I have not been right to people who have tried to help me, and for that I am truly sorry now.

There are things I have done, that I took an oath of silence until death to maintain, all in the name of honor for serving my country. This has been a real problem in many relationships, with sons and daughters too, because I do not allow people to get close to me. You and I both know the honor of the vow, and the consequences of the vow. Please help people to accept me for who I am, without wanting to know all of my background, which I just am not able to divulge.

God, you see there are many things that are on my plate. I know that none are too great for you too handle. Lately God, I have not wanted to be around you, and not praying as I should. can I really tell you I am sorry when I am not believing that in my heart? God, you know my heart, and you know I am angy; I am angry at you because I have been walking in faith, and now I am really at a loss as t what my destiny is with you. I know for sure I cannot live without you, and my life would really be a disaster. I simply dont know why I am where I am today. Did I miss you somewhere? Am I right where I need to be? God, I honestly will tell you tonight that I dont know what you want me to do here on this earth. I thought so, but now I really dont know. DId you allow me to get to this point in my life, and for what? That is why I am angry at you. I cannot pretend towards you, God, because I am sure you see the anger before i even write this in my journal. I await your word God, I will always remain to be your servant, as there is none other like you. Is it too much to ask you why I am in the situation I am in today? What you want me to do with my life? Why I am here on this earth.

Thanks for your time tonight God. I know I am being as honest as I can be with you. I will await your reply, Father.

[momof3]

Hi ptroubador , and welcome to Oasis. God bless you, my brother in Jesus.

You arent here by accident. I find myself typing this so often...and the same is true for you. You are here because the Lord, God led you here. We dont do anything good on our own. Its God's leading that has brought you here to these steps. I believe the Lord has heard every prayer, every thought, was with you through everything...and has led you here for healing. You are angry with the Lord. He understands..He knows. He isnt angry with you. He wants to heal you.

There was a time when I owned my own company, my own house, things I thought I had built on my own, with my own two hands. My accomplishments...you get the point. When I asked the Lord (which He knew I was going to do) to show me what He wanted for my life..what He wanted to do through my life..I lost everything that I had placed my security in....and now, I have everything I need. 7 years ago I would never have dreamed that I would be happy away from those things....

My son is in the military..so, I understand the oath you took. No one here will ask you to expose more than you are able. God knows the things that you hold...have to hold...He knows. You dont have to break your oath, and no one here will judge you.

I guess what Im trying to say is this: You are looking for your purpose. You are asking why you are where you are now. Yes, I believe we make choices..right and wrong...however, He will use all of those choices to bring about something good when we turn in total surrender to Him. Yes, I also believe God allows things to happen in our lives that will cause us to choose to run to Him. I also believe that you are not an accident. He does have a plan for your life. I also believe He has already used you for His purpose in your life and you may not even know it yet. Everything has a season. All of this that you are struggling with at this point is part of a season.

Im praying for you. He does have a plan for your life. He cares. He loves you so much more than you know or understand. He will help you. He has brought you this far and will not leave you. Trust Him. Let Him show you what He wants to do in your heart.

There are so many here at Oasis who will also be praying for you....and will walk with you along this journey the Lord has led you to. Dont give up. I believe He is always on time...and you are here at just the right time.

In Jesus,
luv momo