Christianity Oasis Forum

[akita777]

9 yrs. ago I met a man online of all places. He was on a homeschooling web-site. His ideas were very unorthodox and many people were telling him he was crazy. I took up for him in the name of "love" I told everyone that he was entitled to his opinion even if we did not agree. The short story is, he turned out to be a destructive cult leader and after denying my faith I almost committed suicide. I ended up checking myself into a mental hospital and things have never been the same. Every day I think about him. He had me believing that I blasphemed the Holy Spirit. He also had me say verbally that I would kill myself if I did not move myself and my family to his small cult town in PA.

I was convinced that God would never forgive me. I completely lost my mind and I know without a doubt there was extreme demonic activity going on. This is the short version and this is why I am here today. Everyone I talk to says that I am forgiven because I was a Christian before I met him and that I was just attacked spiritually. I deal with a great amount of shame and guilt. Some days I think about killing myself because I think that satan is just trying to use me to hurt others, making me a true hypocrite. I have a hard time with good things that happen too, because my mind immediately becomes defensive as if satan is trying to do things for me so I will follow him. So I am stuck. I have been on meds. ever since this happened and I pray every day that the Lord Jesus will heal me. Even though when I pray satan invades my prayers and confuses me as to who I am praying to. If this doesn't scare you away, I do need some help....Steve

[phantomfaith]

Hello Steve, Glad you are here and Welcome to the Oasis.

I am saddened to hear what you wnet thru and are still suffering form that time in your past. But you should leave it there in the past and not allow it to oveake you in the here and now. Jesus warned us:

Matthew 24:23 Then if any man shall say unto you, Lo, here is Christ, or there; believe it not.
24 For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very elect.
25 Behold, I have told you before.
26 Wherefore if they shall say unto you, Behold, he is in the desert; go not forth: behold, he is in the secret chambers; believe it not.
27 For as the lightning cometh out of the east, and shineth even unto the west; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.

That cult leader told you that form what I understand you saying, that either you go to his secret place or else you will be damned. That is just ridiculous and as you have already confirmed of demonic influence.

Jesus does not say afterwards that you are to continually think about how you were deceived. If we all thought constantly on how we were deceived or how we sinned and fell we would continue to go backwards in our walk and/or stand still. We need to be shake it off and move forward.

Please try this counseling program here on the site. It will help you as it has helped me and many many others. Keep posting about it as we are all in this together to help one another as brothers and sisters in Christ.

http://www.christianityoasis.com/CCCC/Forum.htm

Blessings to you and prayers going up for you and your family in name.

[deetu]

Hi akita... I am so glad God brought you to this site.
Steve, if you haven't yet, you should rededicate yourself and your life to Jesus. Ask Him to forgive you what happened, that you were mislead and that you are ready to be the person that God needs you to be. Then break the stronghold of the occult off yourself and your family in Jesus' name. Say it out loud. Now that you have Jesus on your side again, you can with all authority do so. Ask Holy Spirit to come and Listen for Holy Spirit to guide you and your words.
Break each vow that misleading spirit told you to make in Jesus' name and ask the Lord to fill that spot with the opposite.
Break off the shame and guilt too in Jesus name. That is not from the Lord and He wouldn't want you to hold on to it.
viewtopic.php?f=125&t=19433

The enemy will try to convince you that you can never have what you had before with Jesus and God, but that is a lie and you will come out stronger. Not only that Steve, God will be able to use this... what happened to you, so that you can save and reach others that have fallen to the same fate. Think of all those others that are being mislead and need someone to help them out. I personally know a woman who also went thru the same type thing you are describing and now she is amazing woman of God and reaches out to others knowing what they are going thru.

There is no reason to fear the demonic because Jesus in you is stronger and all, in heaven and on earth, have to bow down to His name... Jesus. Remember, God made angels in the first place and satan is a fallen angel, not equal to God.
The CCCC study is great akita and will help.
No more being stuck, time to change! No more believing the enemy's lies, you can bind the evil influences in Jesus' name so you can concentrate on your prayers and hearing for Holy Spirit's direction.

Looking forward to watching you grow thru this study

[akita777]

Thank you for your replies. I have renounced all affiliation with this man and any agreements I made with him. I had a lady work with me on this for a few weeks. That was several months back. Still everyday when I wake up I am met with immense shame and guilt and I "hear" his voice in my head. He had 2 books that he wrote that I burned. This was when we were talking 9 yrs. ago. That was when everything changed. Up until that point I really thought I was someone special. I have found that I was really just someone full of pride and ignorance to the wiles of the evil one. I have learned a lot since then. Mostly because the enemy has exposed himself to me in so many areas that I think he is desperate to either have me join him or kill me.

I am learning to fight. I am learning to be strong in the Lord and very courageous as Joshua was told. I must admit I fail every day, though. The enemy lies to me about everything. This makes it hard for me to trust the voices that I hear in my head and it makes it hard for me to trust my judgment of them. I'm not crazy, I know that. I did not have these tormenting thoughts before I met him.

You are right there are many out there that are suffering because of this. Christians are under attack as never before. I guess the enemy knows his time is shorter and shorter each moment. I pray for all the people that have met that man. I pray for their protection and I pray that they will have the discernment to flee evil at all cost.

Thank you for your support, I will be going through the counseling program on this site. Any support would be great!

[deetu]

know that if the voices and thoughts get stronger, it's because it's worried because you are moving away from it. It tries harder to keep you but you know the difference and need to remember that it is not as strong as you are because of Jesus.
It is only as strong as you believe it is so don't allow it to be stronger.

[akita777]

Thanks for the support! I just finished my day 2 of counseling. I am exited..

[momof3]

HI akita and welcome to Oasis. I cant add much to whats already been said here other than this....if you were lost to the Lord, if you had actually committed the unpardinable sin, you would not be here at Oasis. Yes, i believe that the enemy is and will attack you but remember, satan cannot hear your silent prayers to the Lord, nor is he omnipotent and ever-present. he has his underlings, for lack of a better term, do alot of whispering. Grab your bible, my brother. Use God's truth in His words to replace the lies the enemy is whispering to you. God's word is a powerful two-edged sword and His truth will set you free. Drink in His truths, my brother. Saturate your heart, body and soul with them and music that blesses the Lord. You are His and His grace is sufficient for you. Remember that Saul led many Christians to their deaths and God still used is him as a mighty man of God who led many many Gentiles to the Lord...until the ends of the world. Your life is not your own, my brother. God breathed your life into you and will take it back to Himself one day...you are His..and every single time you have fallen, every mistake you have made, every thought you have had....is all covered by the grace and love of Christ's blood. It was enough. Let go of all the past. Walk anew in His gift of free Grace.

Im looking forward to seeing what the Lord is going to do in you through these steps. Remember, greater is He in me than he who is in the world. You are not alone

In Jesus,
praying for you.
Luv momo

[mlg]

Hi akita, welcome! As I read through your shared words...I thought to myself about how you are having a hard time accepting Jesus forgiveness. I wonder if you truly know that Jesus loves you...and that if you have talked with Him with a repentent heart and asked Him for forgiveness then you are forgiven of the past...and you must believe that as well as only you can do. Jesus will never force you to accept His forgiveness...He just offers it...but the enemy will do anything and everything to get you to deny Jesus and His forgiveness. This is why we have to replace all the lies and whispers of the enemy with truth...

My prayers are with you.

Take care and God Bless

[akita777]

Thank you guys so much for the support. When it comes to the ideas and lies that I believed I have truly repented of them. Meaning, I no longer think that what that man was teaching was right. I no longer believe what he taught and I KNOW it is all lies. The problem I have is that even though I battled through this time I really came out the loser. I knew I was in trouble, not because of what he said or taught so much as what was happening to me spiritually. I became paranoid, fearful, I had delusions. The reason I ended up in the hospital at the point of suicide was because of all the voices or thoughts I was having about me turning into anti-christ.

I have repented and asked the Lord to forgive me 9 yrs. ago when this happened. But, all I can say is that there seems to be a block now that won't allow me to accept that forgiveness. It's like something has a hold of me and won't let go. That's why all the thoughts are there about blaspheming the Holy Spirit. Also, because that guy put into my head that he would show me what it was to blaspheme the Holy Spirit. Ever since then I have been fearful of that. Often times I can't read my bible because every verse is twisted in my mind and somehow the positive ones don't apply to me but the negative ones do.

This is truly frightening for me. I can't understand why after 9 yrs. if the Lord has forgiven me I can't move on and get past this. It's very frustrating. Some days are better than others. Today has actually been good. But, it is a minute by minute thing for me.

The verses in Hebrews about not being able to repent(Esau) worry me too. Could it be that I crossed a line with God and he no longer hears me or even though I professed to be a Christian when I met this man and I actively lived a Christian life. (Not without sin of course) I was not really born again? I have all of these questions and to be honest I have sought help so many places that I feel like giving up some days.....

[mlg]

Do you know what blasphemy of the Holy Spirit is? It's to turn away from Christ and NEVER return...never in all your life to believe in Him or His love and forgiveness...even the prodigal son came home hun...it's when you don't come home that you are blasphemying Him...you my dear are not blasphemying God...in fact you ARE turning to Him now...and you are believing that He can heal you...and that He can forgive you...now you have to just accept it...and move forward walking hand in hand with Jesus.

Hope what I've shared helps some.

[momof3]

also, my brother, taking our thoughts captive isnt an easy thing to do. casting down imaginations....Paul makes it clear that it would be a battle by mentioning our need to do so. The battle is in our minds..the renewal of our minds comes from reading what God says..and telling yourself that it DOES apply to you. Bro..its not about where you have been or what youve done. You didnt catch God by surprise in any way, shape or form. He knew you before you were born and knew what you were going to do each and every step of your life...and He still loves us..unconditionally. So....if its not about us..it IS about Him.....and the sacrifice He made on the cross for us...its about His attoning blood and His unconditional love for us...He loved us yet while we were dead. My brother, as much as you tell yourself you cant be forgiven nor can you forgive yourself...tell yourself more what God says. It IS YOU Jesus died for..and His grace is complete. No amount of beating yourself up or letting the enemy hold you under a mountain of guilt will change the past...but God....my brother..God can and will use this in your life to reach out to someone else who is walking in that same darkness...CHOOSE to believe Him when the enemy throws his darts at you. Remember, there is now, no condemnation. CHOOSE to believe. Dare to Hope and Choose to trust Him at His word.

God bless you and know that there are many praying for you. Keep goin. you arent alone. There are others here who have walked in your shoes and live and love and reach and teach...for God's glory..and through His love and mercy and Grace.

in Jesus,
love momo

[Dora]

Hello Steve
Glad to see you are doing the study and glad God brought you here. You are doing well.

I just wanted to share I can relate to the feelings of suicide and mentally loosing your mind. I'm working through some past experiences with demonic rituals and it has brought on a terrible battle. Glad you have made it through that. It can be overwhelming and incredibly terrifying. Stay strong in Him. I can't wait to see what the rest of the steps brings you. You're doing great! Here if you need someone to talk to.

God bless.