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Today I have had the vague sensation that things are not right. I got a postcard from a relative who is with my sister and brother-in-law traveling out west for two weeks. They have never been lovey-dovey and even sleep in different beds albeit in the same room. The postcard made note that they were holding hands and calling each other "dearest" etc. The postcard was poking fun, in a good way. But I felt jealous. I haven't been affectionate with my husband in a very long time. I know he would love that. I just don't feel it. I know it is my duty. Saying it that way sounds so cold. Yet at the same time, I want to learn how to love him. It's been so long, it just feels so awkward. At a celebration of the "Feast of Tabernacles" last week, the church gave us each a paper with a crown on one side. We were supposed to write what we give to King Jesus, what we lay down. I wrote giving myself to my husband as I should, but I still haven't yet. I think that is why that postcard irked me so. It brought my vow back smack at me. I've been feeling not myself. Maybe the Lord is making me uncomfortable in my stubbornness and disobedience. I'm angry. I feel obligated. Pushed even. Yet I vowed that to my husband and to the Lord. I ask Lord, that you restore affection for my husband in way I would be delighted to be with him in a physical way. I'm just so far from that feeling right now. Anyway, instead of feeling better along this journey, I'm feeling not so good at this moment.

Hello Dabs

God bless you this day.

I have to commend you on your honesty and earnest desire to get to know The Lord and yourself better, and to receive healing. With every Step within the Counseling Journey, you have not minced words -- but have been open to the process -- sharing what most would consider the good, the bad and the ugly. Dabs, that is truly awesome!!! Woooooohooooo!!! You are doing beautifully, and The Holy Spirit is turning your heart ever closer to God.

Life can throw so much at us, and geez, most of what we were taught by the world and even by family and friends is so out of kilter to what The Bibles teaches, it is a wonder that any of us has survived. But, God has continued to watch over us, and His loving arm has reached and reached and reached for us. Awwwwwww, Thank You Lord.

I understand the struggle. The Apostle Paul even understood the internal struggles as well. Romans Chapter 7 says it the best I've ever seen. To paraphrase...What I want to do, I don't, and what I don't want to do, I do. There is a lot of struggle in giving ourselves fully to God; especially if we haven't been operating that way most of our lives. It can be kinda scary -- not to mention a strain on our desire to be in control.

The enemy of our souls is not about to give up any opportunity to mess with us. And when it comes to married couples, one of satan's favorite target areas is to cause problems in intimacy between the two that are now one in God's eyes.

Dabs, God loves both you and your husband, and He regards sexual intimacy between the two of you as sacred. What God has joined together, let no man put asunder. Place the fear and hesitancy at the feet of Jesus, Dabs. Pray, my dear sister, and know The Holy Spirit is helping you to let go and let God.

I'm lifting you up in prayers to our Lord, in the name of Jesus. God's blessed will be done.

God bless and keep you, Dabs.
Love,
Mack

Hi dabs... I know that I tell alot of people this but there is a book called The Five Love Languages that is amazing. After I read it, I understood why my husband and son don't get along too.

What it's about is that everyone has a love language that makes them feel loved by the other person. Receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch and acts of service.

For me, it is physical touch. When we were dating, my husband always touched me, hugged me, cuddled, etc but after we were married that stopped. See, his is acts of service so he shows his love by doing things. I feel loved when I am touched though so don't feel loved even though he is showing it every day. Make sense? What makes it worse is the only time he shows me that affection is when he wants sex, which turned me off. Telling him hasn't changed that and he noticed when I stopped showing affection to him so he could see...but understanding the reason has changed my reaction to it.
And that was what made a difference.

I see a change in him by my reactions. It is a little at a time but still see a change. I keep praying for him and know that God is changing him for His good.

And yes, like Mack said, the enemy will attack us more as we step out with learning the truth to try to hold us back. Realizing that and renewing your mind helps Ask for forgiveness for judging your friends.
Maybe you and your husband need a vacation too

Keep it up dabs, you are doing great!