Christianity Oasis Forum

[splash]

One day my brother and I were playing in a house that was under construction in my neighborhood, and he called me to come see something he'd discovered. He was so excited, I followed his voice and found him in the garage. Excitedly, he pointed to a tiny little door in the wall... what could this be? To my child's mind it probably led to a hidden treasure or a secret room or even another land like in Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe. He opened the door, and motioned for me to climb in first. It was the "crawlspace" under the living room. The house being built on a hill it started off about 2 1/2 feet high at the door and quickly dimenished to two feet then one foot of space. I heard him laugh and the door slam shut and then the sound of the lock sliding into place. Light filtered in from someplace I wasn't totally in the dark, not at first. I was very brave, this wasn't a place for chickens and sissies. Not a place for crybabies either. This was the kind of place where the weak and fearful get left behind and only the strong survive. And that's what happened, I left her there that day. The fearful little girl. The one whose voice cried out hopelessly to be heard but who may as well have been mute. There were times when I resurrected her, but never to include her as part of me but to bring her out and examine her and acknowledge that she had been weak, pitiful, unlovable and a thing to be discarded. There was a day I had a memorial for her, travelling back in my mind to the crawlspace, carrying a bunch of flowers under one arm and gripping a candle tightly in my fist. I'd determined the best way to deal with this errant unlovable child was to bury her once and for all and that I didl. Leaving flowers behind in the crawlspace and determining in my mind that she was not to influence my future I buried myself in the present and began to dream big dreams for the future. But there was part of me missing I never felt complete. I tried so many different things. One man told me that the answer was to forgive my brother and offered himself as a proxy so that I could (in chat) express all the feelings and emotions I"d experienced from his abuse. That may have been effective had he not taken the proxy too far and seduced me into cybersex leading me into still a deeper pit of despair. Finally, a friend talked to me about the little girl I'd buried, convincing me somehow that instead of trying to ignore her and pretend she didn't exist I needed to love her and acknowledge her. He taught me to speak words of love to "her", to buy her little gifts. I still buy her flowers from time to time because she is a good little girl and I love her. She's still got her own personality but daily she and I become more in tune to one another. I'm becoming whole and complete. No longer do I lock one part of me away and pull out the other depending on the situation at hand. Together we're able to face reality and no longer do I turn to fantasy to avoid emotions and decisions. I enjoyed this study. I realize that I have been through a process of many years to reach the place where I am today. I don't know if I would have resurrected my inner child years earier if i'd read this before. My prayer is that each person going through this study will be able to speak love into their inner child and love themselves as unconditionally as Jesus loves them.

[mlg]

Jesus loves the little children,
All the Children of the World,
Red and Yellow, Black and White,
They are Precious in His site,
Jesus loves the little children of the World.

My sister, you are included in those children He loves, and You know this. Glad to see you beginning to bring out the inner child, to cherish her, and to take care of her. She is loveable, and she is Precious. I know you've faced much in the past, and this child has been supressed for so long, and I am sorry others used this to their advantage to hurt you again, BUT God has delivered you from all these trials, and now my sister He is using you to help Him bring other suppressed children into His kingdom. He is smiling on you my sister.

luv ya lots

[ChildsCry]

good job splish