Christianity Oasis Forum

[LeeAnn]

Writing in a Journal: Wow I have to be honest, as I was not sure how I felt, to do this in such an open manner. I do keep a personal journal but this is so different. I will say that after reading the first Stepping Stone: The Healing Path, I felt very encouraged and this encouragement lasted through the remaining of my day.

MY THOUGHTS, CONCERNS, TRIALS,

What I hope to get out of this is to find peace, rest for my soul. So many times I slip back into that old mind thought that people, things, situations define who I am. I know that it is God who defines me, but to get that from my head to my heart and act accordingly is a hard step for me. I know I need God to do this for me so that is just one of the reasons I am here.

My life has become a mess although to be someone who is on the outside looking in they would not think so. I have a ministry as I lead a Christian Women s Group. I am a Published Author of one Christian book, and I am working on another. I also write Devotions and short Christian stories. I am married to a wonderful Christian man, who loves me very much ( 40 yrs ). I have 4 children. 3 of them are grown and have their own families. Our little girl whom we adopted has special needs is 12yrs old. She is currently in a Treatment Home 89 miles away from us. This of itself has caused a lot of heart ache having her gone. God has been faithful every step of the way though and we are working with her very hard to have be able to be returned home to us. ( she struggles with social skills and handling emotions) We are working with her to help her in all these areas. Our goal is to have her home by April.

Next I struggle with Arthritis in my ankles, knees and hips. I have Hypothyroidism (low thyroid), Lymphoma Edema in the lower part of my legs and feet. ( swelling of the legs, retaining water ) . So here is the vicious circle.... It is hard to exercise because of the pain from the arthritis, which in turns cause the edema to flair up. Then I suffer from deep depression at times from the low thyroid. It seems to be such a vicious cycle that keeps going on and on. All of this has caused me to gain so much weight that I am now considered Obese on all my Doctors Records. Which in itself is a struggle... At times the simple things like taking a shower can be so difficult because standing hurts, sitting hurts laying down hurts.

Now I am not one to go around and feel sorry for myself so I hold my head up high and seem to plow right through things until I can do it no more then I am down...really down, in spirit and soul. It is times like these that I feel my life is nothing, that I just so want to go home and be with the Lord. It is time like these that I wonder why the Lord still has me here. At times the depression is so bad that I have thoughts of taking my own life, I have even gone as far as to write letters to all of my loved ones.

We chose to live in a big home with our daughter and son in law and granddaughter so I could get the help when needed. I feel so much of the time a burden, even when my needs are not being met and I am helping others instead. I so often feel that expectations are to high for me here in this home and so often would love to move away and it just be my husband and myself but finances will not allow this while our little girl is in treatment. I love my oldest daughter very much , but just like all of us we to can fall into that trap of what about me !!! and that is so often where she is at. So I try not to rely on her very much anymore.

I am hoping and praying God will see me though these trial and tribulations and I will grow closer to Him and find that peace and rest.

[Mackenaw]

Hello LeeAnn

God bless you this day.

I'm so glad you returned, and that you have chosen to read the 14 Day COOL Confidential Christian Counseling (CCCC) Study. The study is such a blessing, and it has helped many souls, myself included, to grow in our knowledge of God and His Word, and how to apply it to our every day lives. I'm so excited for you.

If you have any questions regarding the topics covered within each of the stepping stones (daily readings), please do not hesitate to post your questions within your journal posts, and I and others will attempt to answer your questions, with the help of The Holy Spirit.

Prayers are rising to our Lord in the name of Jesus on your behalf. God's will be done.

God bless and keep you, LeeAnn.
In Christ Jesus' love,
Sister Mack

[dema]

God bless you in your journey.

[LeeAnn]

Thank you both for such encouraging words. I have to say it was super hard not to go back and delete some of what I wrote as I do not handle Vulnerability very well. Feeling exposed but relying on Truth, Trust, Faith, Hope.

[Dora]

This is a good place to share stuff. You're safe here from judgement. This is a place you are loved and accepted.