Christianity Oasis Forum

[wonder777]

I have read about forgiving myself. In my time in therapy, this NEVER came up. At 11, I was placed in foster care and within months was put up in a psych ward for teens because I was acting out so badly. Even after returning to my family at 13, I resumed. My stepfather raped me twice within a week of me coming back. I told him to stop and he did but he moved on to my little sisters, his children with my mom. I vowed that if I found out he did to them what he did to me, he would have been dead. The main thing with me was that I kept silent about what this monster did to me for so long. At 17 I had enough and told my mom. Then my best adult friend God ever gave me. She went through some of what I did when she was a kid and I knew it. Later she told me that she knew something wasn't right but not sure what it was. For me it was about the emotions that came afterwards. The burden was off but the emotional tsunami was almost too much for me. I physically could feel the burden in my shoulders to where they ached. I wondered things like, "what if I had spoke up earlier?" or "What did I do to deserve this?". I know what happened wasn't my fault by any means, but it's so much more complex. Things I learned about God's love and all that I knew it in my head, but never allowed it to seep into my heart. Somehow, I made it to age 37 and now I'm pondering these things. I tended to take all the bad emotions and turn it into myself. Hoping to self destruct, even feeble attempts at suicide.

[Jamie808]

Hey Wonder,
It's amazing and unbelievable the events the Lord somehow allows us to experience in our lives. I am so sorry for all that you've been through. I'm new here to this site but have found that many in the chat room have also had horrendous expereiences that the Lord is healing us from. It just helps to talk sometimes, doesn't it ?

God Bless You
Jamie

[Mackenaw]

Hello Wonder777

God bless you this day.

You said:

Things I learned about God's love and all that I knew it in my head, but never allowed it to seep into my heart. Somehow, I made it to age 37 and now I'm pondering these things.

It is awesome that you are thinking about the Truth -- God's blessed Word, and that you are applying His Word to your current life. Your present and future belong to God, so focus on Him. If you find yourself dwelling on the past, The Holy Spirit will give you a blessed nudge, because He desires that you stay in the present with Him.

The Word of God is nourishment to your soul. Your heart now has a true craving for The Word of God, so eat up. Abide in Him...make Him your dwelling place.


John 15:1-17

King James Version (KJV)


15 I am the true vine, and my Father is the husbandman.

2 Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit.

3 Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you.

4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.

5 I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.

6 If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are burned.

7 If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.

8 Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples.

9 As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love.

10 If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love.

11 These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full.

12 This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.

13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

14 Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.

15 Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.

16 Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.

17 These things I command you, that ye love one another.

Prayers are rising to our Lord in the name of Jesus on your behalf. May God's blessed will be done.

God bless and keep you,
In Christ Jesus' love,
Sister Mack