Christianity Oasis Forum

[Deelegros]

We were at the table having dinner tonight (my husband, 2 kids and myself). My husband was texting HER. IN between texts he held the phone in his hand and had it pointing towards me. I of course saw her name on the top. It was like he was trying to throw it in my face. How hurtful!! I checked the history on our lap top (our daughter uses it for homework) and saw he was looking up apartment rentals.
I never thought I would be were I am right now. Feeling this way about this man that I love so much. When we were happy......My goodness, we were HAPPY. I mean it was amazing for such a long time. We are soul mates. We dreamed about owning our house and we did. We dreamed about having a child and we had two. We dreamed about growing old together..........and here we are.
I became so negative and so scared, I didn't allow the happiness in anymore. He tried and tried and I always found fault in something. I see things so clearly now. I know it was not all my fault. His repeated actions over time caused terrible reactions on my part. I feel like I'm way up high looking down at the destruction. Looking down at what I had become. I don't want to be that person. I am NOT that person. I'm ready to be happy again. I am ready to receive happiness. I am ready to make my husband happy. Why am I not being given that opportunity?!

[mlg]

Hi deelegros,

I am so very sorry you are having to go through all of this. Sometimes God allows things to happen in our lives, and we don't understand why. Well I've always found, that when things are going on in my life it's often because God is trying to get my attention. It is during these times that I realize that I may not have been putting God first in my life. God has to be first. Seek God diligently deelegros. He loves you and He will be there for you.

Deelegros there are 2 programs here that I believe would be helpful for you during this time. One is the counseling program and you can find the link to this program here: http://www.christianityoasis.com/CCCC/Forum.htm
and the other is the Marriage study which you can find the link here: http://www.christianityoasis.com/TilDea ... /Forum.htm

Don't give up deelegros. Work on you first! You can't change the way your husband is acting, but you can change how you are reacting. Be the best wife you can be deelegros. Do good things for your husband, despite what he may be doing. Be the best mom you can be. Sometimes that means cooking dinner, washing clothes, cleaning house, making coffee and lunches all while you'd rather be crying in a corner. You have to keep pushing through. A wise friend once told me....fake it til you make it....that means smile when you don't feel like it, say nice things when you don't want to. Keep trying...it's not over til it's over. Fight the good fight of faith and trust that no matter what God is in control,

Take care

[dema]

I've seen a lot of marriages turn around here on Oasis - even sometimes after he left for the other woman - apartment and the whole thing.

Couples annoy each other. It is a lot of constant work to get along. We aren't taught that. I learned a lot of it in management classes on how to get along with your employees. Five compliments for every criticism. Pick your battles. Show appreciation.

I read a story about appreciation - a true one. A couple had become bitter enemies but they loved their children and couldn't afford to get a divorce. One day he came home and told her that he really appreciated the way she always had dinner ready for him when he got in. He knew that took a lot of work. She was stunned. The next day she told him that she really appreciated the way he went to work every day and kept a steady job. She was surprised at his reaction. Pretty soon they were exchanging appreciative comments regularly and soon the marriage was restored and they were in love again. The woman wrote the article for Reader's Digest. She has no idea why he appreciated her that first time - but it turned hell into heaven for that marriage.

When you look for way to compliment, you see wonderful things that you may have overlooked.

I was a boss and I had my employees write a paragraph of what they did at the end of the day. Checking up on them? A little, but mostly it was because if you walk into a beautifully cleaned room and there is cat vomit on the floor - all you see is the cat vomit. You don't see what somebody worked very hard to do for you. A boss sometimes sees nothing but the cat vomit all day long. I would wonder what an employee did all day, and it turned out that she had been dealing with a difficult customer in a difficult situation all day and the situation was handled appropriately and I never had to touch it.

Sometimes criticism comes easy and appreciation comes hard. But appreciation changes the world. Criticism, not so much. And maybe not in the way you want.