days 4-7
Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 6:21 pm
Because Of You-Kelly Clarkson
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did, You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way to never let it get that far
Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me. Because of you...I am afraid
I lose my way and it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh, everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me. Because of you...I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young-You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else, you just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night for the same thing
Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you
Wow! In reading the last four days of this study I was reminded of this song. The words to it used to reflect the way I truly felt deep down inside my soul, behind the smile. The pain, the fear..all the ingredients that can destroy a marriage before it even begins...if we don't let Him heal us. The Lord has shown me how I have not only let my old marriage effect my life, along with the unforgiveness that went along with it..i also let my parent's marriage-relationship reflect and determine my outlook on marital union. What a burden I placed on them..and on me. How accountable for their mistakes I have held my parents. I expected from them what I could only get from the Lord. What a very sad lonely life this was. This was never God's plan. Part of His plan for my life and for yours is that we know His true unconditional love for us. Forgiveness and healing....only in being re-born in that can we possibly be able to give that to our spouses...the one we become one with.
My soul mate...does he exist? I believe he does. I have always believed he does. I have also believed in the past that I've blown my chances for meeting him by going off in my own direction and missed out on this blessing. I believe now that he is still there. I believe the Lord is preparing him for me, and me for him. I know what I will find on my own and what i dont want....what i wont settle for just because i dont want to be alone. Until the Lord opens that door..and even after and all throughout..He is and will be the One I look to for everything. The One I depend on, the One I will trust. He will be the One I call on to help me love my husband the way He would have me love him. It will be Him in my husband that I will trust. My husband will be as in need of our Saviour every day of his life as I am; just as human and just as forgiven and loved and cherished.
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did, You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way to never let it get that far
Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me. Because of you...I am afraid
I lose my way and it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh, everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me. Because of you...I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young-You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else, you just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night for the same thing
Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you
Wow! In reading the last four days of this study I was reminded of this song. The words to it used to reflect the way I truly felt deep down inside my soul, behind the smile. The pain, the fear..all the ingredients that can destroy a marriage before it even begins...if we don't let Him heal us. The Lord has shown me how I have not only let my old marriage effect my life, along with the unforgiveness that went along with it..i also let my parent's marriage-relationship reflect and determine my outlook on marital union. What a burden I placed on them..and on me. How accountable for their mistakes I have held my parents. I expected from them what I could only get from the Lord. What a very sad lonely life this was. This was never God's plan. Part of His plan for my life and for yours is that we know His true unconditional love for us. Forgiveness and healing....only in being re-born in that can we possibly be able to give that to our spouses...the one we become one with.
My soul mate...does he exist? I believe he does. I have always believed he does. I have also believed in the past that I've blown my chances for meeting him by going off in my own direction and missed out on this blessing. I believe now that he is still there. I believe the Lord is preparing him for me, and me for him. I know what I will find on my own and what i dont want....what i wont settle for just because i dont want to be alone. Until the Lord opens that door..and even after and all throughout..He is and will be the One I look to for everything. The One I depend on, the One I will trust. He will be the One I call on to help me love my husband the way He would have me love him. It will be Him in my husband that I will trust. My husband will be as in need of our Saviour every day of his life as I am; just as human and just as forgiven and loved and cherished.