Pines Pages

[Dora]

A few wonderful things have happened lately.

My aunt had open heart surgery and came through just fine. But is back in with another problem. Through it all she is as chipper as always. I said how wonderful her upbeat spirit is and was told, "Well we gotta bless the Lord in the good times and in the bad don't we." She is such a trouper. Had a very difficult life and still finds joy and peace.

My moms in a terrible place. I have not called because my heart has been so heavy for her. But today her husband went into the hospital so I made myself call. I figured she could use someone to talk to. And I was so glad I did. Talked an hour and a half. Geesh. We never talk for anything less than an hour. Hearing her voice makes my spirit lighter. She was happy. I told her I know things are not looking so good right now. She sighed and said yes but there's good days a'comin. Blessed my heart so. She's such a trouper. Just keeps pluggin away at life.

We're all very concerned over my oldest sis. She's disappeared and homeless in the middle of winter. I shared with my mom how very worried I am over her and she responded that she is in Gods hands. Was a blessing to hear that. I not only worry over my sis but know it must be weighing very heavy on my mom so I worry over moms heavy heart too. To hear her share faith helped lift my burden.

There's a little girl I watch a few days a week who's mom told me she only learns about God here at my house. The mom asked if I would teach her about God because she doesn't know how. Today during lunch I just started praying out loud. I don't think I've ever done that over the children. I've prayed quietly but never out loud. When I finished I looked and this one little girl had her hands folded and her eyes closed. She said, "You forgot to thank God for James." and asked if she could. I said sure. She thanked God for James and for "Mrs.Dora." I was so blessed. Nearly cry every time I think of her sweet little spirit sitting there with her eyes tightly shut thanking God for me.

I talked to my youngest sister on the phone last night. Despite all the struggles in life we just talked about God and the good things He is doing and has done. Was such a blessed time. She shared with me scripture and how it's applying to her life. I could tell how very touched she was over this. She shared with me the amazing things their little country church in the pastors garage is doing. There's just something about that church and those people that blesses me so much. Oh how I wish I was there with them in that little country church.

I was practicing the guitar and I wished the group I meet with to practice together would play the Old Rugged Cross. Then I went to practice and as I walked in they were practicing the Old Rugged Cross. We ran through it together 4 times. That is very rare to run through a song 4 times in one night. They apologized for spending so much time on one song. When I shared with them that that was the song I wanted to learn this week we all just sat for a few seconds with huge smiles on our faces. I'm thinking God worked that all out.

I thank God for all my wonderful blessing this week. I have so much to smile about.

A verse that has been sticking with me is John 20:16 Jesus said, Mary.

[Dora]

Yesterday evening was absolutely amazing! I'm so thrilled with what the good Lord does. It's filled my heart to over flowing so I'll share it here in hopes His goodness will bless you as well.

We had young single adults over Friday for dinner and bible study. Funds are low this month so we had to get creative for making a meal to feel a crew of people. We decided on turkey noodle soup. Since those things were available. Making the soup I found I didn't have enough turkey! So I started adding vegetables. And then I made home made noodles. For some weird reason that wasn't even enough. So I added a bag of store bought noodles. Cubby was a bit sad. Well who wouldn't be. I mean home made is just so much better.

The group came and sat down to eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and we managed to still have a small amount left over. And Everyone raved over the soup! I grinned and thought gee if only they knew this was scraps off of the scraps tossed into a meal. They are always so thrilled to have a home cooked meal no matter what I make.

It is so thrilling to watch them discuss the bible. They have so much energy and enthusiasm and love for God, His Word, and each other. It sets my spirit to dancing. We talked, and laughed and shared.

I showed them the Hawaiian Pidgin bible and they were so thrilled. They looked up their favorite verses and read them out loud and just fell in love with His Word spoken in another language. Gods spirit was definitely here with them.

When I laid my head on my pillow the whispers began. You know the ones. Look at this...look at that...remember this...remember that....UGH! I have faught and faught but they continue constantly. I had enough and just spoke, "Jesus Jesus Jesus!" And the whispers stopped instantly. Then after a few moments like a swarm of gnats coming back the whispers began again. So I continued speaking His precious name and pleading His blood over things. Which I've never done before. It just bubbled out of me in desperation to end this battle. And I fell asleep and slept so gently and peacefully with blessed dreams.

When I woke the whispers were back again nearly instantly. I had remembered the night before. So I began saying His name, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. And pleading His blood. Over everything! I even plead His blood over the dog who is having troubles. At the exact moment she got up off the couch and came stood by my bedroom door.

I have been having some pains in my body. Just different areas would begin to hurt like a sharp knife digging into it. could be an arm, leg, back, neck, shoulder, finger, or even my toe! One area would stop hurting and another would start. My elbow started hurting like this. Real bad pain. And I moaned and yelled, "I plead the blood of Christ." And instantly the pain went away.

My mind was filled with a Jewish song, He sets my feet to dancing. I got the joy I got the joy I got the joy joy joy joy joy Hey! I don't know all the words or even the title. That's the words that kept going through my thoughts.

Today when things would begin to look anything but wonderful I would begin to say the name that makes the demons flee and plead His blood over the situation. And today good news poured in one thing after another where as this past month and longer ever day was bad news one thing after another. I prayed over a friends family and the first thing I found on the internet this morning was a message from this friend that things are better. Woo Hoo. God is good.

I asked the Lord what more He wanted me to pray over and the Oasis came to mind. So I expect more good things to happen here.

He sets my feet to dancing. I got the joy I got the joy I got the joy joy joy joy joy!

[dema]

There is victory in Jesus
My savior forever
He sought me and bought me
with his redeeming blood
He loved me e'er I knew him
And all my love is due him
There's victory, yes victory
In his redeeming blood.

[deetu]

Jewish Medley by Julie Meyers

Love that God multiplied the food. You are such a blessing to them and now praying and teaching the little ones.

Yes, Jesus' name is that powerful. All must bow to His name...

[Dora]

In Pines Life.....

The church we attend has started a new service. They removed all the rows and now for service people can sit at a table like a coffee shop. I found it to be very relaxing. I felt more apart of the congregation and the sermon. The music was focused to entertain the younger crowd as well as the relaxed theme. I loved it!

They asked me to read a bible verse. At first I was excited but as the day grew closer I started dreading my choice. I was determined to show them I was stronger than what I felt inside. When I was reading I began with my focus on God. But then heard whispers of, "They are looking at you" and "They can hear you." I started getting nervous and loosing focus. But managed to continue on. I hope some day to over come this completely. It must sound incredibly pathetic to most that I have such a fear of being heard or seen.

There's a new Sunday school started as well. It is parents and teens together.

I am keeping correspondence with the church in Missouri. I love hearing about what they are doing. Or should I say what God is doing. They are anxious for us to make a trip down again. As we are anxious to visit them again. It is amazing how we can care for each other so much with just meeting for such a short time.

I seem to get very easily blue lately. Or maybe that's just the way I always am. There isn't any pressure right now from the outside world or the family. Or at least not much. Which is really nice. The snow is absolutely beautiful. Colder than it's been in many winters. But I think we're all feeling that. The toddlers are behaving very well and the parents are treating me well. I prayed for God to send me kids that behaved and had parents who treated me well and He was faithful and did just that. Looking back on how life was last winter I don't know how I managed to make it.

I ran into my counselor yesterday. Haven't been to see her in many months. Avoiding her. I am going to go back but only once a month. I think everything is tucked away nicely and really don't want things to come tumbling out. Yet I have had some difficult days and so I don't want to just keep trying to keep everything tucked away nicely. Cause it will tumble out. I have a new celebrate recovery group to attend tonight. If I go it will be going over the program with people who can see me and hear me. I'm not committing to this, but would like to give it a try. It's a good program and would like to become a leader to reach those in my community through it. But first I must attend the full program in person. Much easier to reach someone else than it is to reach for myself. To reach others I have to get over this fear of being seen and heard and be able to share a little about myself so I can be real and lead others to be real so they to can stop hiding the things inside.

[dema]

Pine, it is wonderful that you step out of your comfort zone like you do. Honey, don't push yourself too fast. Make sure that you aren't rushing God's timing. Be kind to you.

Love you.

[Dora]

I prayed for God to reveal to me the battle that wages around me.

At the first meeting on Monday night I sat there in a room, toasty warm from the outside bitterness, with people who radiated the love of Christ. They all knew each other. I was the outsider. My plan and purpose to get over being so shy and so scared so I can reach others in my community who are living in that dark pit I just got out.

Others shared. My turn! I could feel my knees under the table begin to knock together. I could of passed. But I would of left feeling defeated. I took a moment to find my Lord standing next to me. I opened my mouth to speak and I felt on the other side the presence of others who were there to stop me. Not from this realm. I could see them taking turns to toss things at me. Like written notes that spoke fears and doubts into me. I continued sharing despite all they threw at me. Memories of what I went through, memories of failure, memories of who others have said I am, and many what ifs.

After I was done they left me alone. Was as if they were regrouping to decide what to do now.

The group of believers were amazingly accepting and supportive. Even in that I pulled back and felt an anxiety inside. A huge anxiety. Took everything I had to receive this. I searched for a way to turn things around so I could be the giver.

I trembled for two days after sharing. The "Look what you dids" were harsh and unrelenting. Even into my dreams. But God triumphed even over my dreams this week. He's revealed so much to me through them.

I believe seeing this, if I remember what I saw, will help me in future battles.

I was nearly in panic thinking I have to go back to this meeting. Maybe I'll have to share again.

He revealed I don't have to do anything. It is He who will do the work. I am no ones trophy, not even my own to claim. It is all His. His work. His hand. As if He has said, "This one is mine!" Yet even that scares me to think of. I don't know why because I know I can crawl into Him and curl up. My most favorite place to be.

I've always been rather good at self discipline. I can and have kicked any habit when I wanted to. This past month He revealed to me, that that quality isn't even mine. It is Him. He removed His hand from giving me the strength and determination to overcome a habit and I struggled in nearly every area I've ever struggled in. I fell quickly and easily. No will power at all. I couldn't understand how this could be. It was scary and even embarrassing. How far would I fall?! He caught me and placed me back where I was. Able to say no and walk away when I am determined I do not want to give in. I see now, I really never had control. It was His hand of protection all along.

Lessons are hard to learn. Yet the more I learn to give up control the more peace I find. Amazing how much I thought I controlled. Amazing how patient He is as He guides. God is amazingly good.

[dema]

You are an amazing person, Pine. Your ability to trust and to let go is a huge witness.

[ciny]

Hi Pine good to hear your leting go of your fears a nd stepping out of your comfort zone love you today i did some amazing to i steped oy of my comfort zone and went up in front of the church and snhared what God is doing in my life i just had to share that with you keep stepping out sis
i will be praying for you love you(((hugs)))

[Dora]

i steped oy of my comfort zone and went up in front of the church and snhared what God is doing in my life

Wooo HOOO way to go sis!!! Be bold! Be you!

[Dora]

I CAN NOT OVERCOME!

I CAN'T TAKE THE SORROW OR THE PAIN ANY LONGER.

THE ENEMY WON THIS ONE.

God help me.

Judge me for not being able to over come if you wish, but you do not know what it's like.

God help us all.

[Dora]

I apologize for my last entry.

I told God I fold. If there's any hope it has be my partner has a trick up His sleeve.

Everything I say or do I am hit with whispers. I can't make one move with out being bombarded with damaging words.

His theme.... stop listening to the whispers.

Do you know how hard that is when everything they say matches everything I was taught!

I feel like I'm back to square one. What caused it? Many events. Many many incoming events. Some real and true, some lies. Mix with emotional instability and you have a Pine who can no longer stand.

I'm glad I shared instead of just walking away.

I spent some time coloring yesterday. Yes with crayons. I've heard this is good therapy. I was amazed at how even in that God was there showing me things. He must be very frustrated with me. I put the picture on my pantry door. For a reminder. Feels a little silly especially if someone asks what kid colored that one for me. My fridge is covered in pictures colored and given to me by children.

I didn't sleep hardly at all last night. The short time I did sleep I had terrible night mares. As I woke I felt like a million needles poking all over into me.

When I logged in this morning I got a terrible headache. I couldn't even hold my head up.

Last week I large flock of black birds few right up to the window. The looked through the window at me then began as if they were eating something. I wondered what it could be since we hadn't thrown anything out there. I don't feed the birds regularly so I found it weird.

Since they seemed to find something there I threw out some sun flower seeds thinking maybe they'd be back.

they never returned. Yesterday I had a picture of black birds flying around me and at me. They'd take huge hunks out of me as they flew by. Very wicked birds.