Christianity Oasis Forum

[xxJILLxx]

Things have been a bit peaceful around here as of late... feels kind of strange but very nice!. To just sit back and exhale and look at all the thngs God has brought us through thus far. What an amazing God we have. Then when i think i am being pulled down He lifts me back up again. Nothing can pluck me out of His hands. He's got me! And i am so very thankful for that!

I realy enjoyed spending more time on Oasis this weekend! Hope i can spend more time here. The church that we were helping out in the city has been established and i feel my work is done there now. I dont feel that urging calling there. I know i dont want to go back to the other church either, at least not at this moment. so i feel kinda lost right now, but i can plug in some time here hopefully.

Love ya all
♥Jill

[xxJILLxx]

I hardely ever finish things that i set out to do.

The steps i got stumped on step 4, the book i start to read i read a chapter or two sometimes 5 or 6 depending and i lose interest. I start drawing again and in spare time i do it and crocheting still only have 6 granny squares made. The yarn is there. the books are there, the steps are there, I would just love to finsish something without being distracted by my mind on other things.

I sat down to crochet, and ended up pulling it out and now i am sitting on here, at least i know i will finish my journal entry.

Hard on myself? A bit... but only because I am so tired of living so scattered... start many things. The apartment is gettng cluttered again... i got time to do some things around here, but not time to finish. So then i give up and say oh well... maybe another day.

I picked up all this extra time at work private duty cash paid but is it worth it? cant back out now i already signed up for it. Running myself ragged. Then wonder why i dont want to get out of the bed in the am. why i want to "laze out"

I dont know what i am doing anymore... crocheting, drawing, building more brain cells ( a book im reading, that i have not finished) Finding everything including helping others to replace doing the 4th step? It has been so long i probably would have to start them over again, i cant pick up in the middle. I dont want to start over. Frustration sets in. Snapping at people, coworkers getting on my last nerves.

Just blahhhhhhhhhhhhh

I woke up negative this morning. ssssssssstilllllllllllllllllllll stuck there. why?

maybe because i dint give my life and my will over to Him today. Why am i fighting it? Am i fighting it?

Went out to buy shoes this morning for work because my feet been bothering me being on them so long. I said ok God i will give u 5 minutes today i read the Word with no heart, just to say that i did it and get it out of the way. But even doing it even when i dont feel it, that is part of a relationship right? But not lovingly tho...

ok thats enuff of my whining but had to get it out.

God bless
♥JIll

[Dora]

I love you Jillie just the way you are.

I've got my own clutter. I have my own unfinished projects. After all we need to have at least a few of those sitting around. Put the book away and start one you enjoy reading or better yet, grab a journal and write your own. "Laze out" in your favorite spot with the Lord. Share with Him your heart.

[mlg]

Oh jill...I've got a granny square blanket I've been working on for 20 years...did you hear that sis 20 years...never finished it...I pick up books and read 2 chapters and don't pick them up again for months...I usually have good intentions...but then something comes up and I have to put it aside...but I think that what really matters is the time we take to refresh and sit in the Lord.

I've been sitting for about a week now...since 3 friends suggested I do so...and I must say I feel so much better emotionally and spiritually...now my body is very tired and I'm not feeling too good physically at the moment...but I'm happy...and it's all because of Jesus I'm alive Maybe it's time for you to do some sitting as well instead of so much doing. It's ok to say no.

Praying for you.

luv ya

[xxJILLxx]

I had a two wonderful days off this weekend. Been a bit overworked and that makes me grumpy, to say the least. So the rest was well needed.

Thank u mlg and pine appreciate your support and encouragement always! Love u guys very much.
xoxoxo

I feel my relationship with the Lord is getting back on track. Business, resentment, worry, insecurities, and selfishness has been the culprit. All which are a result of MY actions, not HIs.

Had a wonderful walk under the stars with my hunny on saturday.. it was beautiful. Such peace... walking hand in hand with my answered prayer and My God.

Thank you Lord, Thank u Father, Thank you precious Holy Spirit.

The wind may blow but He shelters me and peace flows, when i let Him.

God bless
♥Jill

[xxJILLxx]

We went to the museum yesterday. They had a small display set up for 9/11.

I think back to that moment, the first images i saw on tv. People jumping out of the towers to their deaths.

I think about how sacred that time was they spent with our Father. I imagine all kinds of thoughts going through their mind at a million miles a minute. God,Loved ones, God, survival, God, coworkers stuck,God, shock, God, panic, God, peace.....

They knew they would not survive if they stayed in the building. In their last hope they jumped hoping that somehow, someone below might have one of those balloon things set up for them when they arrived. They couldnt see the ground with all of that smoke. They must of felt free falling through the air. Letting go of all that was behind them. The fire they were in. The smoke choking their lungs. All they knew was they had to get out of that burning building. I know our Daddy was right there with them, comforting them, letting them know that no matter what, in that very moment ... He had them! I imagine hosts of angels that Daddy sent out to help His people. Racing to them on His request so that nobody would feel a void of Heaven surrounding them. Making sure that they were not afraid. Armies and Michael the arch angel himself. Comforting, consoling...

They would be in paradise with Him. I imagine they didnt have time to "do business" with God... Just simply gave it over to Him. Letting GO! Jumping off! Leaving all behind... Stepping off the edge. Trusting that no matter where they ended up it was better than where they were in that trapped in that building. Total FAITH. No time to think otherwise.

Not to Minimize those who jumped out of that burning building... But how many souls are still trapped in those "burning building" Smoke is billowing all around them, time is running out... they dont know the way out of their spiritual burning buildings, some are trapped under rubbage, calling out for help.... Daddy save us! Some who are in the building turning tohelp those who are trapped, but know that they will not make it out themselves if they turn around... some turn around to help, they see a glimpse of Light... Some are letting go and beginning to take that first step out of that building. Free from the smoke, free from the fire.. i imagine they feel nothing but freedom when they jump out of their spiritual "burning buildings" I know how free i felt when i jumped out of mine. To see colors that i thought i would never see again. Experience God in all His creation. Such freedom!

Anyway.. im rambling..

Have a wonderful day in Him
Love you all very much
♥Jill

[xxJILLxx]

Still stuck on the thought of spiritual "burning buildings"

Step off the edge.

Ever done that? Leave it all behind?

To do so is so freeing.

Thoughts of Filomena race through my mind... Munja, Munja (sp?) Italian for Eat, Eat.

She didnt want to be apart of this world any longer.. she was "standing at the edge" and she would not eat, for she knew if she ate what this world gave her it would be as turning back into that building. She wanted OUT! She wanted to go home, it was time. The last breath she took looked painful at first but then the tear in her eye and the peace on her face. She had arrived, to the soft pillow at the bottom of her free fall. Daddy's arms.


God bless
♥Jill

[xxJILLxx]

Happiness is a state of mind, not a goal. The life you want is here, now, waiting for you to grab it. Too many of us spend our lives planning and hoping and dreaming about how wonderful life would be, if only .

Focus on the present. Don't spend your time brooding over the past or counting on the future to provide satisfaction.

[xxJILLxx]

Being content... still on my thoughts and heart.


What it means to seek His face has been on my heart lately too.

I asked Him

Is it to look for the God in everyone... The Jesus?

Is it to meditate and think on WHO He is?

Is it to look towards Him in every situation and to humbly ask Him for His guidance?

Is it a never ending search for Him around us through His creation?

Is it to know more about Him intimately?

To say that i know about God is a correct statement, but to KNOW God is a different and never ending journey. For how could we possibly know everything about Him? And to think we can does nothing but put limits on who He is, doesn't it?

When meditating He gave me this spiritual vision. A maiden who is blind. She comes into friendship with this Man. They talk back and forth and soon she trusts Him enough to pour out her heart to Him. He was always there to listen, comfort and guide her.. although He was a very busy Man and hard at work, He always made time for her.

Her affections grew for Him and she wanted to be there for Him also. Her thoughts became consumed with Him." what can I do to make Him smile?" Little subtle acts of Love became her focus.

Both eagerly anticipating the time they will spend with one another... one problem (to her that is) She was blind. She couldn't see the one she had fallen for. She desired to look at His face and see the character in His eyes. She had pictured Him in her mind. She was shy but one day when they were alone sharing with each other, He saw her desire to see Him. And He knew she could not see Him, so this grieved Him, Out of compassion He grabbed her hand without any words. He knew what she was thinking. He put her hand upon His face, she started to cry. In amazement and joy she hurried her fingers about His face. He cried too, as he seen the love she had for Him. She didn't know that His locks of hair had such Wisdom. Oh and the deep lines of Love . The joy she saw in His face around the laugh lines of His mouth. The tear she felt falling from His eye showed her His compassion. The rough beard that protects the softness of His face. The wrinkle on His forehead that was there from all the loving thoughtfulness He is made up of...

Yet still she could not "see" His face, she had a better idea in her mind of who He is. But He said one day my dear you will see Me, for all who I am . I will not keep hidden any part of Me. She nodded her head speechless and embraced Him so tight, she never wanted to let go. And He her as well.

Each day He would let her touch His face, and each day she found a new appreciation for who He was and built up what He looks like in her mind and heart.



God bless
♥Jill

[xxJILLxx]

I dont like people to burst my "bubble". I dont like to feel uncomfortable and i absolutely hate conflict!

I dont like to deal with complaints, or gripes. I'd rather shoo them off. Going back into my "bubble" where everything is nice and cozy. I dont like chaos and strife. I dont like negativity and criticism, i just dont. It ruins my whole day and i get resentful and i dont like feeling that way either.

I just dont... thats me.

[xxJILLxx]

I have decided (finally) to let God help me wean myself off of some "things". i know i cannot do it on my own.

Well, for quite sometime i had been on antianxiety medication. Far too long. I had weaned myself off of the medication before only by the fervent help of seeking God through it all and trusting Him to pull me through. I held my ground for 6 months. But dealing with all the stress i was under from the events of my last employer, i couldnt take it anymore and had the dr. put me back on them. It is not recommended you be on this medication for more than 2 weeks until things get settled down and you regain focus.

Today i got the sweating, headache, and my hands were shaking. I had decided that when these symptoms come on that i would do a good deed in place of them. So each time i focused on something else my mind was walked away from the withdrawals symptoms.

Anyways with all of this i get a bit of "how the heck am i going to fall asleep" syndrome. I am wide awake! No sedative... And a bit of frustration.

so thats where i am at lately. Been working like crazy! But making the best of it. Getting back into the purpose of why He sent me there, which is to minister and show love to those who are starved of it. Feels good to get back into the groove and not be so consumed with the pressure of bills and "gimmees" and all the other things that goes along with having teenagers and a 9 year old. I thank God for sending Vahn, Lord knows i wouldnt of been able to do it physically on my own.

well thats it for now.

God bless
♥Jill

[xxJILLxx]

I dont like people to burst my "bubble". I dont like to feel uncomfortable and i absolutely hate conflict!

I dont like to deal with complaints, or gripes. I'd rather shoo them off. Going back into my "bubble" where everything is nice and cozy. I dont like chaos and strife. I dont like negativity and criticism, i just dont. It ruins my whole day and i get resentful and i dont like feeling that way either.

I just dont... thats me.

Hmmm looking back on this i must say that is definately NOT the attitude i need to have, in fact that is an attitude of "just give me my means of coping, whether it be a pill, a drink, sleeping, working too much etc." Escapism... which is exactly why i am trying to wean myself off of some things.. I dont like this kind of thinking or attitude and I want Him to help me change it and be more Christ like.

I have to learn to deal with "problems" head on and not want to run or make them disappear by my "means" I realise they are still there and even more they need to be dealt with more urgency, once i have "escaped"

This is day three of weaning process. I give u this day Lord, Give me the strength and courage to push through.

God bless