Hi

[Tam]

mypsbox your dad instilled that seed in you that you would always need/want him as you said earlier. That seed took root in your life and the devil knows just what to do with it. The chains of bondage can be broken sis. You do not have to live with those thoughts everyday. Just because sick things were done to you does not make you a sick person by any means. Truth be know they are the sick one. Abuse is very hard to get over and to get past. But we have a faithful Father who loves us and would never do such things to us. He will see us through if we will allow Him. We have to open up and trust Him for all it is worth. What do we have to lose in trusting him? Gain is all I see.
It is hard facing these things when they start coming up. The triggers sometimes are to much and try to put us over the edge when indeed God wants to heal even the very thoughts that lead us there.
The shame, the walls, the embarrassment are all tricks of the devil that he will use on you all the time if you will let him.
Please believe me when I say that you are among friends here who have been right where you are and they DO NOT place any judgment or anything else on you That is God's job not ours We are here to love you and to help you the best we can. Ultimately your help comes from the Lord, we are all just willing vessels that are called to reach His children and share His love.
You are not alone in this journey so don't keep yourself isolated. We love you here and we will walk with you and not condemn or judge you.
I can tell you from past experience that I have Let Go and Let God in areas I thought I never would and it has been hard but well worth it. I challenge you to begin to Trust in the one who can help you the most.
We are all here for you when you need us .
Love ya!

[Ann_is_Alive]

Thank you guys so much!

I am trying.

I thank God everyday for leading me to this forum.

God always seems to know what I need to hear. I am crying, which is a good thing.

I am going to try and let this sink in.

[Whisperingsprings]

Hi, I'm glad you posted too.

I get it. I understand what you are saying. I wanted the same also.

you did a great job by being honest. It's the secrecy of everything that makes the whole experience demonic. You're doing great .

[Ann_is_Alive]

There is still so much.........



I can say anything here?

[xxJILLxx]

you are amongst friends here sis

Gbu

♥Jill

[Whisperingsprings]

It's probably okay whatever you post. Honestly. I know people who have had children because of the parent child sexual relationship. Does that make sense.

The parent of the child born is also the grandparent. I know of situations where no children were conceived but the adult child was then disguarded as the parent raping moved on to the younger siblings.

I know of situations where the mother present chose not to be "present" and let everything happen, while turning a blind eye to the entire situation.

All these above examples are real people who I personally know: some have been friends, some are still very close friends, and some could not be friends due to the anger that they held so deep within their souls that they were injuring other people.

You are not alone no matter what you went through. I understand your hesistancy and my soul cries for you. In your time and God's time, you can reveal what you want, when you want. It's okay.

[Ann_is_Alive]

my dad told me from the first time he kissed me when i was 8 that i should think of him that i should think of us and then i will have pleasant dreams to this day and im 44 now i cant go to sleep without masturbating while i am fantasizing me and my dad having sex i am physically ill i cant believe that i typed that i cant believe that i do that there is no excuse for me to keep doing that i cant sleep unless i masturbate ive tried and i cant masturbate unless i fantasize about my dad and me ive tried i felt good i feel good and i relax when i do that and that makes me fall asleep then while im sleeping i have nightmares about the very same things that made me feel relaxed and i wake up screaming and crying and not being able to breathe my dad would sometimes wake me up three times a night to rape me and i would relax myself and go back to sleep and keep doing this several times a night after he was done each time he would kiss me and tell me to have pleasant dreams i would be so freaked out by what he just did to me that i had to relax myself before i would be able to sleep i didnt understand why i had to do that but i knew i had to in order to sleep as i got older and to this day i try not to sleep i try and stay awake until i am so tired that i just fall asleep without having to relax myself but that doesnt always work ive tried praying before i go to sleep and listening to christian music but i still have to relax myself before i can sleep im sorry i cant type anymore im sorry i cant stop im sorry please pray for me i dont know if it will help or not im not sure anything will im not sure i even deserve prayer im sorry this probably doesnt make sense im sorry

[mlg]

mypsbox....true relaxation only comes from being in the presence of Jesus....you are seeking temporary pleasures from memories that hurt you continually. In order to be truly free of them, you have to begin replacing your thoughts with Jesus and His healing presence.

Praying for you sis

[Whisperingsprings]

Hi there,

Well, I think that I would see a therapist first off. There are many that can help and charge on a sliding scale fee. This is definitely a place I would begin.

Also, I commend you and being able to be honest about what has been happening. Alot of people masturbate for the same reason - to relax. The tricky part is how Satan used your Dad to twist up your mind. This going to take some counseling and journaling to get through, I think. Please check with the counselors to see what will be most effective.

I would also like to suggest an activity that you may find relaxing that is far removed from any memories of your Dad/past. For example, bike riding, hiking, swimming, aqua aerobics, sewing clubs where there are all women, knitting clubs again where there are all women.

I also suggest volunteering.

I know you are really really hurting. I am trying to think of ways in which you might be able to release good feelings and beauty into your day to day life so that it will help balance out the pain somewhat. Does that make sense?

I hope this helps or gives you other ideas of things that can be done to help you through your journey.

[xxJILLxx]

hello sis

wow the Holy Spirit is working through me tonite so i have some verses that He led me to for u my dear

Romans 12 :1-2 (NLT)
And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice--the kind he will accept. When you think of what he has done for you, is this too much to ask?

Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is.

begin to understand your self worth, yr identity in Christ.. Apart from Him, we arent capable of very much by eternal standards, In Him we are valuable!

God wants us to offer ourselves as living sacrifices (daily laying aside our own flesh to follow Him) putting all our energy and resources at his disposal and trusting him to guide us.

God has good, pleasing, and perfect plans for his children. He wants us to be transformed people with renewed minds, living to honor and obey him. Because He only wants what is best for us and because he gave His son to make our new lives possible.


When u get those thoughts think of good things, think of Jesus

Phl 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.

1 Chron10:13

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

I pray that these verses bring u healing and wisdom, maybe write them down and put them in yr pocket or even by yr bed read them aloud before u go to sleep and ask God to comfort you with His Holy Spirit. He loves u so very much!

Gbu
♥Jill

[Ann_is_Alive]

I just looked at my last post, I really rambled on didn't I? Sorry

Thanks Whispering, I see a therapist.

Thanks mig and JILL, I have asked God to take these thoughts away from me, I don't know what I am doing wrong!?!?

Maybe I just don't deserve it!

I'm sorry, Maybe I am not trying hard enough, I don't know.

[Ann_is_Alive]

I'm sorry.

I can't do this anymore.

I give up!