Hi

[Ann_is_Alive]

I read almost every post in this forum. I thought about this forum for a long time. And I still don't know if I can post in this forum.

I know I need to be here. I was led here.

There is a whole lot of SHAME and I am not sure where to begin.

I did not see any posting mention some of things that I am dealing with and that makes me more hesitant. Just thinking about these things makes me physically ill.

Maybe I will try later to speak of these things.

[xxJILLxx]

hello and welcome to sos!

Here is some TRUTH that has helped me on my journey of breaking chains of shame.
Shame is one of Satan's weapons to keep you hiding from God.

Shame is not the same as guilt. Guilt stems from our own wrong actions. Shame warranted or unwarranted is humiliation we are taught. We perpetuate shame by treating ourselves as unworthy of forgiveness.

Over and over, Satan will whisper, You're no good. Don't even think about talking to God because He won't give someone like you the time of day.

[Guest]

welcome to sos. I think Jill pretty much said it all. It can be hard to talk to others about our problems sometimes, but it really helps . When we keep things bottled up we become exsplosive. Pray about it and when you are ready you will know. THis forum is very private and the folks on here are trust worthy. There is no pressure to write. Just remember that no matter what is going on in your life or what you may have already gone through, God loves you and you are forgiven. If you feel you would like to pm one of us instead of posting here Im sure that will be just fine. Maybe you would feel more comfotable talking to one of the young ladies here. What ever you choose you have help and prayers from all of us.

GBU

B.B.B.

[mlg]

Hi mypsbox, You shared that you didn't see any posts here dealing with issues similiar to yours. My sister I would hope that you would begin to share so that if another comes to this forum, that has issues similiar to yours, they will know they are not alone in this struggle.

luv ya sis

[Whisperingsprings]

Hi Mypsbox,

Please feel free to release what you are able when you can. I get it.

I am pretty big on stuffing the emotion or what not and it helps for a little while. Unfortunately, things "leak out" somewhere in life.

After becoming the only one working, I definitely considered prostituting to supplement my families income. I even have a friend to "help me out" with the clientele.

Thought about cutting and alcoholism but managed to steer clear from that. These 2 were to help me avoid the pain, really.

I have 2 friends that I check in with regularly to be sure that I don't "fall off the earth". And only one of those am I completely honest with because that one has been through alot also.

I understand why you want to hold back and I understand how shameful things can get. However, saying the truth is helpful to release the strangle hold of the shame.

Which is why I decided to come here. I can say what I need to say without over-loading my friends. I am also hoping that most of the people here came here with their own challenges so they can probably handle whatever I write, so far, I think this is the case.

I do hope you decide to release things in smalll increments. It will definitely help. Just be sure you have a counselor and other people to help support you as you go. Meanwhile, also let us know what is happening so that we can keep you covered in prayer. This will help to make the process much easier. Believe me I know. Been through this once before already. If I didn't believe what I am saying, I wouldn't be here, now.

Much love to you,
Whisperingsprings.

[Ann_is_Alive]

My dad told me throughout my childhood sexual abuse, that I would always want him and him me.

Why did he have to be right?

[xxJILLxx]

I agree with skrubby,

they are seeds that are planted at a very vulnerable and impressionable time in your life.


renew your mind by looking to the Word of God for the Truth.

the truth is he shouldnt of done those things to you and the enemy was controlling him. Know that God loves you and i can understand the confusion that goes along with the abuse. Confusion of feelings etc , confusion comes from the enemy. You are not alone in this battle, Jesus got you, cast all your cares upon Him and ask Him to help you sort out the truth from the lies the enemy has fed you.

I hope this helps and you will be in my prayers

Gbu

♥Jill

[Whisperingsprings]

My dad told me throughout my childhood sexual abuse, that I would always want him and him me.

Why did he have to be right?

Parents do plant seeds in hearts young and tender. In sexual situations, I think the seeds are planted oddly. For example, I still seek out the personality types of my offenders as well. Why? I don't know. I don't know what happened to me really. I don't know why I ended up with all this extra stuff . . . I just did.

I can tell you how I slowly worked through some of the pieces, though. It was hard; but it was worth it. It took time too. But I always had peace with each layer coming off.

The first thing I did was buy a book that God led me too. I've noticed it is different for each person. My book was called Door of Hope. I would take my days off and work through it in tiny pieces. Each time, I could feel a bit lighter, like something came off. That is the best way I can describe my experience.

If you have more questions, I can answer them or will try. But please, understand that I am most certainly in my own pickle at this time. Sooo, if you go to my posts reading where I am struggling I hope you will be able to forgive me for my shortcomings and bare with me through my own struggles.

[Ann_is_Alive]

The sexual abuse ended when I was 17.

I am 44 and I still feel.......Wow, I can't believe I am......



I am physically ill. What horrible person wants to have sex with their father?

I can't believe I just typed that.

There are some things that are unforgivable.

I don't know what to do.

[xxJILLxx]

hello sis,

your not a horrible person, you are a woman who was violated by someone who was supposed to care for you and failed to do so.

It is not your fault, and the feelings you are sharing are feelings that are often common with women who were abused. Especially over a long period of time.

And everything is forgiveable with a repentant heart, dont let the enemy try to decieve you that you are not worthy to be forgiven. Jesus died for you and He loves you.

keep sharing sis

your in my prayers
Gbu
♥Jill

[Ann_is_Alive]

How can I not be a horrible person, when I still want him?

I still can't believe that I can type this.

It's been over 25 years since the abuse. My body physically reacts sometimes still when I see him or think about him. I'm sick.

I don't know what to do.

[xxJILLxx]

hi sis,

its important to know the truth:


The abuser will go to any length to shift the responsibility to the defenseless child, often accusing the child of being seductive. We had healthy, natural needs for love, attention and acceptance, and we often paid high prices to get those needs met, but we did not seduce our abuser. Physical coercion is rarely necessary with a child since the child is already intimidated. The more gentle the assault, the more guilt the victim inappropriately feels. We also learn not to accept any responsibility for the abuse, even if they occurred over a prolonged period of time.


It's a miracle that you are here. Each day we accept and deal with the consequences of our incest experience, we become stronger, and we can recognize and identify ourselves as proud survivors. we hope you will feel the love we already have in our hearts for you. We know your pain. We want you to know you are not to blame, and most importantly, you are not alone.

These are emotions you were taught and not by choice . So it is not uncommon to feel this way, you are not alone. You are not horrible. You are very precious to God and he wants to help you through this.

Meditate on the Truth and dont think on the negative thoughts. Choose to not entertain them, as soon as they come into your mind dismiss them and read scripture and meditate on Jesus. This has helped me to overcome incest abuse. It wont happen overnite but u can overcome with Him you can do all things.

Gbu sis

♥Jill