Christianity Oasis Forum

[Amaia]

It's silly how one can learn in only one year, well, maybe not learning but at least realize the things I've been doing wrong. It is going to be two years that I am married, and I know, it sounds silly that one can have problems in such a small amount of time. We should be still deeply in love... I think we are, but we have never learnt how to be married. Now I see it. How important is to learn those things or having a good example. I never had. My parents are divorced and I have learnt that I've been trying to behave like my mum, always on my own. Complaining about everything and my husband. Until God told me He wasn't interested in my husband but in me. And in the last two years we have been hurting each other, being selfish and proud. I couldn't see it at first, but now, with all the pain behind is easy to see.
I struggle as God wants me to change and look into myself, not into my husband.
At the same time, our pastor died last year, and we're going through a restoration process with the help of another church. This is touching me a lot, as I need restoration too. Before getting married Jesus was mostly the center of my life but after the wedding I've been looking at my husband more than Jesus and I need to focus more in Jesus.
I need His strenght today.
By the way, my husband is not working right now and I've been working full time, apart from studying, serving in church and I have been feeling overwhelmed in the last few weeks. While he was studying for getting a job. Many times I have desired to quit everything but I know that God is teaching me through all this, and He knows what is best for me.

[Dora]

I am glad to hear that God is so close to you that you can here Him speaking.

There is often a lot of trouble in the first years. Spouses are separating from their parents ways and their own ways to become one. It's a difficult process.

God bless you along this path. I am certain you will find Him walking with you every step of the way

[Amaia]

Thank you very much Pine!

[Amaia]

I have been reading the day 2 page and it has been really interesting. I know most of the verses from the Bible, but sometimes we need to remember God's word and 2 Co. 4:16 and Philip. 3:13-16 has given me strength. I really need God's word. I have been reading the "renew your mind" study and the project about the charts sounds a bit silly for me, however I have always wanted to give more time to God cuz I feel I am really wasting my time so many times... I really want to get closer to God.
Meanwhile, my husband applied for a job, but he didn't passed the exam to be a policeman. Yesterday, it was painful, but God really gave me the love I needed to show to my husband. I was sad, but with good feelings and proud of my husband. I know that was from God. I don't know if we're going on holidays for a week but now holidays doesn't look so appealing, God looks more interesting now. I wonder if God wants us to go on holidays but I want to obey my husband.
Thank God for all His patience...

P.S: My English is my second language so I might not write correctly.

[Dora]

It's ok Amaia English is my first language and I don't write so well.

I am sorry for the disappointment your spouse must feel. It may take some time to recover from this. Knowing The Lord can help us to overcome disappointment. I hope spouse knows Jesus.

The charts in the study may sound elementary or silly but the really do help us take steps closer to reaching the goals we feel God is calling us to. Maybe you are familiar with setting a goal and steps on how to reach that goal with dates as to when you expect to reach each step. This is similar where it is set up to give you 30 days (a month) to reach each portion of a goal. It's a daily reminder of what you need to do each day.

Keep up the good work here.

[Amaia]

God's forgiveness... so amazing, big and so difficult to understand... Today I think I am learning to forgive my husband and myself as I struggle taking the right decissions. I find it so difficult... I want to do the right things but many times I do the contrary... Paul wrote about this. I feel it every day. I guess, God wants me to see how much I need him every day, because by myself I do things really wrong and how much I need his forgiveness and forgive others. Why does it seem so difficult?
I still need to learn a lot.

I am very busy these days, I have to finish a translation and study for an exam apart from working and the house is a mess. I only want to do the translation and the exam as the deadline are close and I don't understand why I feel soooo lazy. It will finish soon, I hope.
I would love to start with the goals sheet but I feel too stressed right now with the rest of the stuff, at least I am reading my devotional every day and the book "Women of the Bible" which I find sooo inspiring.

Thanks Pine for your comment and encouragement, my fear is to do the goals and feel too "religious" about it, my husband is Christian, but he is still newbie. We are both newbies haha I've been only Christian for 5 years now...

P.S: I think this forum should have a orthography corrector hahaha
God bless you all!

[Dora]

Can you do a portion of the exam and translation each day? It's probably the fear of failure that gives you that "lazy" feeling.

[Amaia]

I'm really tired today but... it has worth reading the study. I must say, I really needed it. God has talked to me a lot through his Word. I knew it already but... I need to feel it. To understand it. I feel really thankful with God . I have started writing some of the verses on a notepad so I can remember them. And I have seen I need a big work to do with forgiveness, starting with my husband. I have seen myself in those "forgiveness levels", I do it . I thought I didn't but it's true.
And I have been like that child, even though God forgives me, I still carry round the guilt and pity and sadness... God loves me so much, I feel I have been hurting Him.

Today I have finished the translation exam, God has helped me a lot, as the text seemed a bit crazy. I have set the French exam for next week, so I just need to start studying and I know that I will feel more interested in my studies, and I might be able to have 5 days free of work to be with my hubby and God .

Thanks Pine for your suggestions, I am working full time at my mum's shop and on the other hand, a translations company has contacted me to work for them as an interpreter and I need to get ready for all that. I am asking God where He wants me to work (apart from my main ministry at home) now and I feel a bit confused, but the company seems to be happy with me so far while I don't feel the best one for them) But you're right, I am afraid of failing my exam and translation as it has been a year now I don't speak French. At the end, I just need to trust God, He knows.

God bless you all and be the Holy Spirit leads you.

[Dora]

I feel confused too as to where I am to work at times too. Praying for a clear guidance.

[Amaia]

Humm I am selfish... It is something that God showed me just few months ago, so I am a bit new with the idea... So many years thinking I wasn't so bad, so wrong... Before being a Christian I thought I was a good person, nothing bad. After that, I knew I wasn't so good, I knew I had sinned against God... but after all, I wasn't so bad... And months ago, since my church started with the "restoration" process I saw I was more sinner than good, that deep inside me there wasn't any good thing and only the good things are from God. Big change of mind. I am still getting used to it. And now, I feel I don't deserve anything from God. I think God is treating my selfiness and pride. It is being very painful, every time I see moving forward I fall again. And I have seen that my main problem is at home. At work I am patience, kind, humble... (at least more than at home) and at home I am like a crazy woman, the worst of me. Really, I don't like that at all. I feel more Christian outside my house than inside and this shouldn't be this way. Poor hubby, he is seeing the worst of me. Weeks ago God showed it to me with Hebrews 13:4, not only "bed" must be pure in a marriage, He was talking to me about my home. So far, we have been living similar to "the world" at home.
And I fall into sadness, self-pity, blaming my husband... . I know only God can change my heart and help me. I really need to reread the previous steps and truly believe God. Cuz, right now it's really difficult for me to trust my husband . He also needs God.

Thank God, the company which wanted me as an interpreter has seen how busy I am and I am not sure when I am going to do the French exam... But it's a relief. We're busy at work and things are a bit messy now so I won't have holidays, maybe some Saturdays. (I said sth about that in a previous post, but I just wanted time to be with God ). God knows what He is going to do.

I really feel these Path is written for me haha, as the devotional and everything I read from God.

[Amaia]

It is going to be a week now... Wow, it doesn't seems so long but I have read a lot and I have more hope in God that when I started. Still I find difficult to trust HIM completely or to trust God's Word. I would love to but I guess I really need to change my mind and my thoughts. I don't serve God with my mind. The Miracle Grow project looks, really big but appealing at the same time. I know it is going to be difficult, and my flesh is going to be in the middle, but I really want to move forward and please God. I need to have that in mind every day. Maybe... a miracle is coming and my faith is step by step... growing.

Unexpectedly, my mum needs my husband to work at her shop with me! I am completely amazed and surprised. I think this must be from God (or I hope so, I've been praying for my mum so she can take better decisions). My husband is not so surprised (I can't see how he can't see it) but God knows. I'll have to teach my husband to work at the shop and to treat him better. Yeap, I remember my last post, I've been thinking about it a lot. I know God wants me to treat him better, does it mean this is the way to learn? I`ll need God's help to deal with this, cuz I am confused, excited and nervous about it.

God is amazing and moves in mysterious ways. In a week, we'll have a huge evangelism in the street. I don't feel the best to share about God but I am curious about what God wants to do in my city. And I'll be there in case I can serve as an instrument.

God bless you all, keep praying and praising.

[Amaia]

Today God has talked to us a lot (my husband and me) and I've been tempted to telling him what I thought it was better for us but I have decided to be silent and let God do his job. My husband has shared few thoughts about the preaching so I'm very glad for that and I have seen a small change in his behaviour... Still, it is difficult to trust but I thank God for that.

I have learnt a lot today with the study. I knew Jesus was the Truth but now I understand it better, it is amazing... how things are starting to connect with each other in my mind. The Enemy has been setting lies in my mind for months (and into my husband's mind) so that's why we have been going so bad... Yesterday, again I let my mind and heart follow those lies and I started to act crazy, thank God I could stop when my husband told me to do it. I knew we were in war but now I understand many things more and I really need to learn to use God's tools for me.

See you tomorrow. We have an amazing God.