Christianity Oasis Forum

[lyl1114]

inner struggles
I am an introvert and I have social anxiety. I have low self esteem, which throughout my teenager to twenties, masked with alcohol. Many things I have done now I regret. But somehow God helped me meet my soulmate and now have two beautiful daughters. However, I deal with mild depression...which I diagnosed myself. As a christian korean american, depression is really not viewed as a disease but as .my husband would call it, laziness and a self pity party....whom I grew to despise regarding this topic. Some days I am full of energy and can deal with the world. But then the very next day, I just can't function. I have two children to take care of and husband to attend to but cannot get myself to snap out if it. I become very angry and I lash out at my family. I think I need anger management.
My problem probably is deep rooted in my family problem, I have a father who is a dreamer....for the last 25 years, he thinks he is gonna "hit it big". My mother and younger sister left him and now he is homeless. He did so much damage to us. He put us in such a deep hole, we cannot come out of it. He says that God will help him with his business so he can serve God. I am so ashamed to say that he is also an elder (his late father was a pastor). He no longer serves or attends a church. He did so much harm to so many people in our lives. I continually ask God how my father can be such a crazy and detrimental man.. We have tried talking to him but he is so stubborn and set in his ways, he rather be homeless and leeching of others than give up his business. I really despise him but I don't know what to do because he is still my father. My family and I are going through our own financial difficulties at the moment (how are we going to make ends meet?) and I am very stressed out as is, worries about him put me into a deep dark place where I feel stuck.
everyday I think about running away. My husband too is under so much stress he tells me I should be glad he hasn't killed himself yet. . I am a bad mother, bad wife, bad daughter...I feel like I am good at nothing. Helpless...
I know this is my journal with my thoughts but sorry for being so long.

[Dora]

lyl it was so nice to meet you in the chat room tonight.

I suffer from depression as well so I do understand. It sounds like your spouse may be as well if he's saying things like you should be glad he hasn't killed himself yet. There are so many different reasons for depression. Some can be medical and some from our struggles in life right now as well as some from abuse, past or present.

It sounds like you're at the end of your rope and really need some help up. I think this study will help you. It will not fix your financial problems or marriage problems, nor will it give you a break from your 2 and 4 year old children. BUT it will help you to find peace in the midst of the storm.

Praying for you.

[Debbie]

I am so sorry to hear of your struggle lyl1114! I can identify with much of your challenges, but I am blessed to be retired and to have an increasingly supportive husband. I've only begun this journey in Oasis. I pray God will do a miraculous work in both our hearts and lives. God be with you!

[xxJILLxx]

Hello Lyl,

I am sorry for everything you are going through right now.

I have clinical depression as well as an anxiety disorder, but I am not my disorders. I only suffer from the symptoms of my disorders. Likewise you are not your depression. We have good days and bad days, dont we? One day at a time and with His help we get through it.

In regards to your father, i will be praying that he stay safe and warm and His care. We cant control what others do and their choices that they make but we CAN offer our unconditional love towards them despite of what they choose to do with their lives.

I hope you continue on this healing path that He led you on and continue your journey here.

God bless you and your family

♥Jill

[lyl1114]

Thank you, my fellow cool christians. Your words of undrstanding and encouragement mean a lot to me. my struggles are usually inside my head and don't really have an outlet but coming here and sharing makes me feel better. I pray that we all can overcome our struggles with the help if our loving Father. Thank God and thank all of you!! :''')

P.s. to jill....your words regarding my father has brought tears to my eyes because the advice i get is that i should abandon him for what he has done to me. This is another struggle because i love my dad because he is my dad....his actions shouldn't always equate to the love he has for me. Thank you! I really pray God will help him and take care of him because it worries me so much...

[xxJILLxx]

Lyl,


I would not advise you to abandon your father, love Him... unconditionally as our Father loves us. Try to find compassion and understanding towards your father's situation and his mental state as well. LOVE NEVER FAILS . but we fail at loving sometimes because of our imperfect human nature, its a given. We all have made our share of mistakes we learn to forgive by practicing His teachings within ourselves first and to those around us and in our lives.

Praying for your family
♥Jill

[lyl1114]

Sorry jill....i meant to say you gave a totally opposite advice from what i normally get. Yes, God forgave me and puts up with my mistakes so I should do the same. I guess forgiveness is next on my journey to step 3...forgive myself and those who hurt me....
Thanks, Jill!

[xxJILLxx]

gotcha

Keep up the good work!

God bless
♥Jill