Christianity Oasis Forum

[xxJILLxx]

When dealing with self pity (feeling sorry for yourself), think about these 10 key lessons from Guy Finley:

1.The only thing feeling sorry for yourself changes about your life is that it makes it worse.

2.No matter how you look at it, you involve yourself with whatever you resist.

3.Being wrapped up in self-pity completely spoils any chance of being able to see new possibilities as they appear. Besides, no one likes sour milk!

4.The only thing that grows from cultivating any dark seed of sorrow is more bitter fruit.

5.Feeling sorry for those who want you to feel sorry for them is like giving an alcoholic a gift certificate to a liquor store.

6.Your thoughts can no more tell you what is true about your possibilities than a set of streamside boulders can know the nature of the waters that rush by them.

7.Feeling sorry for yourself is a slow-acting poison. First it corrupts, then it consumes your heart, choking it with dark and useless emotions.

8.You cannot separate the reasons you have for feeling sorry for yourself from the sorry way you feel.

9.The heart watered by tears of self-pity soon turns to stone; it is incapable of compassion.

10.When you agree to live with sad regrets, you ensure they'll still be with you tomorrow.

Those are all interesting right? But they're still just words on this web page how do we put these things into practice? The answer is one step at a time you can climb mountains one step at a time. The first step of change is usually the hardest.

Just remember that most things worth doing are not hard, they're just uncomfortable. There is a difference!

Moving out of self-pity and low self-esteem takes small actions that create a sense of love for self over time.
You get self-esteem by doing Esteemable Acts

[mlg]

Hi Jill

I think we all can have moments of self pity...some choose to make it a life long project...whereas others choose to only allow the action of self pity last a day or a week...in small amounts....

Emotions is often what drives self pity...our spirit gets low...we begin feeling like no one cares...and then the ill thoughts move in.

It is a choice...but when we loose focus on the Light...this is when the choice to step out of the self pity becomes difficult.

It is at this time we need God and other Christians the most...to help push us out of this dark tunnel and forward back into the sunlight.

luv ya sis

[xxJILLxx]

Hello mlg,

I got to make this quick because i am running out the door for work.

I think we all can have moments of self pity...some choose to make it a life long project...whereas others choose to only allow the action of self pity last a day or a week...in small amounts....

Indeed sister, i was the queen of self pity, woes me, my life is terrible etc etc. And in fact when i was in those moments i had no body there to let me know i was wallowing in self pity and moreso how to get out of it. I didnt realise that i was in it.

Emotions is often what drives self pity...our spirit gets low...we begin feeling like no one cares...and then the ill thoughts move in.

The key is realising that we have to stop it before the the ill thoughts take root. Because then it gets firmly rooted in concrete. And harder to deal with as you have stated.

This post is intended to self reflect and see where we can grow... ppsssttt... me included!

Love ya lots sis
God bless
♥Jill
[/quote]

[Mackenaw]

Hello Jilly

God bless you this day.

Good message you brought with ya today. ty and Thank You Holy Spirit.

Quote (Mlg said)
I think we all can have moments of self pity...some choose to make it a life long project...whereas others choose to only allow the action of self pity last a day or a week...in small amounts....

(Jill said)
Indeed sister, i was the queen of self pity, woes me, my life is terrible etc etc. And in fact when i was in those moments i had no body there to let me know i was wallowing in self pity and moreso how to get out of it. I didnt realise that i was in it.

Very good points made by both you and Mlg.

Jill, when I read what you wrote ..."I had no body there to let me know I was wallowing in self pity..." I paused for a moment, because a blessed thought came into my mind.

Oftentimes we do have others, just not in the capacity that we want, and those others are shining His light on our situations through the words they share with us; however, we don't receive their words, nor His message, because we object to their interference: object and reject. We don't want them, we merely want what they have, allowing jealousy to have it's way in us. However, if another person comes along, whom we love and adore and we want them in our lives -- if they then share the same revelation, we receive it because we hang on their every word.

Is it that we are respecters of persons -- preferring one over another? Or is it that we blind ours eyes and plug our ears by dwelling on what we do not have?

Interesting!

God bless and keep you, Jilly

Love,
Mack

[mlg]

Is it that we are respecters of persons -- preferring one over another? Or is it that we blind ours eyes and plug our ears by dwelling on what we do not have?

OOOOhhh! Mackenaw! What a nice perspective sis! I think it can be a bit of both...sometimes going one way and sometimes going another....often self pity is based on selfishness....we want what we want when we want it and no other way of looking at it...therefore when say we are a respector of persons...in no way will we hear what someone we don't like has to say...or when we want to just have our way no matter who it is sharing with us...we plug our ears...because we want them to tickle our ears instead of telling us the truth.

luv ya

[xxJILLxx]

Alot of Truth has been spoken here!

When i was wallowing in self pity, i must admit that i said to myself

"these people just don't understand do they? My life is realy bad, i have no person to love me, my kids treat me like the child and everything is out of control and i dont know how to change it"

Then, a person comes along who i adore and says... " Hey look lady, u dont have to feel that way.." etc etc. And others whom told me the same thing could tell me that til they were blue in the face! I just didnt "seem" to get it.

Why?

easy, right?

Low self esteem, i wanted to be esteemed by another. To feel like i have some worth, and not yesterdays garbage. Someone to love me as much as i love them.

And Truth is He was always there for me and i had many moments with Him, and grew with Him.... but still didnt realise i was in so deep til another came along and told me so and showed me the way out of it.

That is where us sisters and brothers come into the picture, but all the while through the process those seeds that the others planted, re affirmed themselves when the other came along ,whom carried the same message about selfpity and low self esteem, still budded but never grew til then.

make sense?

Now i realise when i am goint into self pity and i try my best to stop it before it starts . plus i have a constant reminder who keeps me on my toes.

And we all need that.

So yes, reach and teach and love, not to tickle ears but to bring Truth.. because the Truth will set them free and they will be free indeed. And this is where tough love comes in. We have to pry and poke around so they get to realise on their "own" searching of themselves that they dont have to be this way or that way.

Love the responses!


God bless
♥Jill

[Mackenaw]

I love the inSight shared here. Woooooohooooooo!!!

Love you, ladies, and I love The Holy Spirit.

God bless and keep you.
Love,
Mack

[xxJILLxx]

Amen mack,

digging deep here, hu? Could be a sore spot for many but one we must poke and pry, so we can grow. Like pruning a rose bush.

Self-pity means a self-indulgent dwelling on one's own sorrows or misfortunes, according to the dictionary. Sorrow on the other hand is mental suffering or pain caused by injury, loss, or despair.

I have learned that in order to have a healthy Self Esteem I have to know the difference between sorrow and self-pity. If you want to get out of the victim trap you must be aware of this differences.

With self pity you live paralyzed , it keeps you in a helpless situation. You are not responsible for your life. You believe that you are a victim of events and you deserve condolence. It is a negative emotion that prevent anyone to deal with adverse situations. Self-pity becomes a form of manipulation that you might use to get things from other people.

We cannot cope with life if we are feeling sorry for ourselves and not taking responsibility. The key word is dwelling. If we learn to feel our pain, understand it and learn from it, we will be in a better position to cope with life events. If we keep dwelling on self-pity we will disempower ourselves, living in constant denial .

God bless
♥Jill