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by mlg » Wed Jul 28, 2010 9:39 pm
arken, one thing I've learned over time is that we can't change the actions of others, but what we can do is change our reaction to others and how what they do effects us. You know think of the times that Jesus walked here and there and saw so many people in sin...and how He must have hurt to see what they were doing...but instead of running away Jesus loved them and continued to Light the righteous path for them in hopes that they would turn from their ways...we too need to continue on the righteous path despite what others do...we can't let their ways be our excuse for our ways.
Praying for you.
luv ya
Praying for you.
luv ya
Do you know my Jesus? Do you know my friend? Have you heard He loves you? If not, I'd like to introduce you.
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mlg 
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by deetu » Wed Jul 28, 2010 10:16 pm
arken1 wrote:deetu wrote:The child of the people teaching the study was sexually molested as a child and suppressed it. As he got older, he showed homosexual tendencies because of this attack. He was able to be delivered and healed once they realized. He is now married and has children of his own..
I appreciate this story. However, I feel that "tendencies" is too weak for the feelings I have felt in my life. I really haven't had any of the "classic" traps that lead one to believe he/she is homosexual. I have honestly felt that I was born this way. That's one thing that has always scared me: People announce they have walked away from homosexuality, but were they "really" homosexual, or were they just scared so badly, that they "made themselves" think they were homosexual. Then again, and when I actually say it out loud, is there any difference? Satan doesn't say "I am telling you you're homosexual", because no one listens to him speak. Instead, he says "you know that you're homosexual, because this and this. And you'll never have a woman because of this and this". He makes it seem real.
I was being polite by saying tendencies... thought it was a touchy subject that the possibility should be mentioned.
glad you had a good day today
Have you tried to tell the thoughts to leave you in Jesus' name? When the lies come, tell them to leave in Jesus' name. You may have to do it for a while but they start to come less often.
It is better to light a candle then curse the darkness 
No fear... just freedom
No fear... just freedom
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deetu - Posts: 937
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Day 4
by arken1 » Thu Jul 29, 2010 6:36 pm
So far so good. Some temptation, but nothing I couldn't handle. Actually this is feeling way too easy, and it has me a little anxious. I know tests are coming.
One thing I had always looked at was that I have certain traits that are part of a stereotypical homosexual. Never really been interested in sports that much, although once in a blue moon I will watch some kind of sport on TV. That's not a typical masculine trait, but as I have gained wisdom throughout the years, I see clearly that what someone likes/doesn't like does not allow you to judge them. Satan was trying to tell me that there was some coordination between my disinterest in something like this which is "manly", and my feeling that I was homosexual. How smart of him! He had me going for many years until I slowly let God explain it to me. As he explained, he lead me here, and I feel like a paper bag has been lifted off of my head; I can see where the enemy attacked me.
I am not "homosexual". Not because I do or don't worship sports, not because the way I talk, not because of anything that has to do with my personality; Because God didn't design me that way. That is the reason. He did, however, design my personality, and I love it. I have many other wonderful hobbies and interests that God gave me, and quite frankly, they are masculine.
In fact, there's no such thing, is there? No one is actually "homosexual" in all sense of the word? From webster: "characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward another of the same sex". (Note: I'm sure there are other definitions, but I'll run with this one). So, a "tendency to direct"? Actually, that's a really good description of me. I have had a tendency in my life to direct desire toward other men, and not women. But this was the definition that was in my head: "someone who is internally wired to be attracted to men, and not women". That's a strong difference. The key phrases: "a tendency", which means pursuaded. Pursuaded by what? Satan and sin (lust). From my definition, "internally wired". Internally wired by whom? God. So since I could not have been internally wired by God, since it is against his design, the "tendency/Satan/sin" seems to fit me well.
I will finish today's journal with an explanation that was given at my church a few months back. When I first heard this, I thought "oh, so I really was born this way and I have to deal with it and just keep asking for forgiveness. Bummer." But, now my interpretation is that ALL sin is washable by Christ. Not SOME sin. Not everybody else's sin. But my worst sin that I thought was permanent...
Topic: "Is a homosexual born that way?"
Answer: "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" - Romans 3:23 (NIV).
The pastor explained that, we are BORN into sin. From the moment we are born, we are sinners/have sin within us.
So yes, I may have been born in some state of mind that other men are attractive to me, but it's no different than any other sin. Maybe homosexuals don't choose this sin, as a thief chooses to steal, but they can still conquer it.
One thing I had always looked at was that I have certain traits that are part of a stereotypical homosexual. Never really been interested in sports that much, although once in a blue moon I will watch some kind of sport on TV. That's not a typical masculine trait, but as I have gained wisdom throughout the years, I see clearly that what someone likes/doesn't like does not allow you to judge them. Satan was trying to tell me that there was some coordination between my disinterest in something like this which is "manly", and my feeling that I was homosexual. How smart of him! He had me going for many years until I slowly let God explain it to me. As he explained, he lead me here, and I feel like a paper bag has been lifted off of my head; I can see where the enemy attacked me.
I am not "homosexual". Not because I do or don't worship sports, not because the way I talk, not because of anything that has to do with my personality; Because God didn't design me that way. That is the reason. He did, however, design my personality, and I love it. I have many other wonderful hobbies and interests that God gave me, and quite frankly, they are masculine.
In fact, there's no such thing, is there? No one is actually "homosexual" in all sense of the word? From webster: "characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward another of the same sex". (Note: I'm sure there are other definitions, but I'll run with this one). So, a "tendency to direct"? Actually, that's a really good description of me. I have had a tendency in my life to direct desire toward other men, and not women. But this was the definition that was in my head: "someone who is internally wired to be attracted to men, and not women". That's a strong difference. The key phrases: "a tendency", which means pursuaded. Pursuaded by what? Satan and sin (lust). From my definition, "internally wired". Internally wired by whom? God. So since I could not have been internally wired by God, since it is against his design, the "tendency/Satan/sin" seems to fit me well.
I will finish today's journal with an explanation that was given at my church a few months back. When I first heard this, I thought "oh, so I really was born this way and I have to deal with it and just keep asking for forgiveness. Bummer." But, now my interpretation is that ALL sin is washable by Christ. Not SOME sin. Not everybody else's sin. But my worst sin that I thought was permanent...
Topic: "Is a homosexual born that way?"
Answer: "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" - Romans 3:23 (NIV).
The pastor explained that, we are BORN into sin. From the moment we are born, we are sinners/have sin within us.
So yes, I may have been born in some state of mind that other men are attractive to me, but it's no different than any other sin. Maybe homosexuals don't choose this sin, as a thief chooses to steal, but they can still conquer it.
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arken1 
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by arken1 » Thu Jul 29, 2010 6:42 pm
deetu wrote:I was being polite by saying tendencies... thought it was a touchy subject that the possibility should be mentioned.
And I appreciate that. I guess my worst fear is that, I don't have something sitting around that a psychologist can pull out and say "look, here's why you think you're gay. Just go to counseling for a while and it'll be overwith". That's the kind of stories you hear about. I don't have one.
deetu wrote:Have you tried to tell the thoughts to leave you in Jesus' name? When the lies come, tell them to leave in Jesus' name. You may have to do it for a while but they start to come less often.
I have prayed for them to leave, but I will use this approach next time as a new weapon!
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arken1 - Posts: 45
by mlg » Thu Jul 29, 2010 7:27 pm
Amen, you know as I read your post...I think of how we are all born into sin...and as that result we all have something that we are tempted by...and we must all fight the good fight and resist the temptations the enemy throws our direction.
Arken...yes there will come a time when tests will come...but think of this time as preparation for those times ahead.
luv ya
Arken...yes there will come a time when tests will come...but think of this time as preparation for those times ahead.
luv ya
Do you know my Jesus? Do you know my friend? Have you heard He loves you? If not, I'd like to introduce you.
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mlg - Posts: 4428
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Day 5
by arken1 » Fri Jul 30, 2010 8:33 pm
Today wasn't crystal clear, but still not bad. It started with a dream I had last night which was of homosexual nature. It didn't last very long, and was ended abruptly with my alarm going off. I have also actually felt urges today, although they still seem very distant and vague. I don't feel a rush of hormones anymore. My mind doesn't fantasize about things like it has been even just prior to a week ago.
Another problem today was this feeling that it is impossible to change my sexual orientation. To make it worse, I happened to click a friend's friend's profile on Facebook and saw that he was gay. This reminded me of my previous view that there's no way to "become heterosexual". I didn't give in to these feelings as I usually do, which lead me right back to porn and becoming somewhat depressed.
There are so many people in this world who claim to be homosexual and go on living that lifestyle. There are celebrities, strangers, and probably people you know who are "homosexual". But why does that mean it's a real phenomenon? There are thieves and murderers all over the world too, but we don't say that they were born that way, and can't change it. The Virginia Tech shooter wasn't born knowing/wanting to kill college students when he grew up; He allowed himself to be driven into darkness by bullies and eventually hated his generation because of their sin** to the point where he didn't want them or himself to live anymore. God, thank you for not letting me get that far. I know by being saved, that God won't let me stray that far. God intervened at the right time and brought me here. I was feeling worse than ever about "being homosexual", and started envisioning the rest of my life alone and with no ability to joy the gift of sex.
Now a final topic: I have heard/read that somewhere in the Bible it states that someone who is homosexual actually must just remain celibate for the entire lives. This is a bit contrary from what I understand from some of the scriptures I have read lately. While I appreciate this view, and it is probably the track my life was on before taking the plunge into Christianity Oasis, I see it as a very weak solution. It totally forfeits God's plan for a relationship, family, eternal partner, and sex. Wow, that's a lot. But on the other hand, I vaguely remember a scripture that says something like this. It could have just been some website misquoting a verse, I'm not sure. Of course, there are sites I have read that actually claim that there are NO MENTIONS of homosexuality being a sin in the bible. I have honestly read articles that claim twist a verse into saying that Jesus had sexual relations with a man. You're talking about some down-right evil coming from Satan to make people actually twist what God's word. So, as usual, we must take what we read on the Internet with a tablespoon of salt.
**This is a paraphrase/interpretation by me. I am recalling news coverage indicating that the man loathed promiscuity of college-aged girls because that was on the note he left behind before his rampage.
Another problem today was this feeling that it is impossible to change my sexual orientation. To make it worse, I happened to click a friend's friend's profile on Facebook and saw that he was gay. This reminded me of my previous view that there's no way to "become heterosexual". I didn't give in to these feelings as I usually do, which lead me right back to porn and becoming somewhat depressed.
There are so many people in this world who claim to be homosexual and go on living that lifestyle. There are celebrities, strangers, and probably people you know who are "homosexual". But why does that mean it's a real phenomenon? There are thieves and murderers all over the world too, but we don't say that they were born that way, and can't change it. The Virginia Tech shooter wasn't born knowing/wanting to kill college students when he grew up; He allowed himself to be driven into darkness by bullies and eventually hated his generation because of their sin** to the point where he didn't want them or himself to live anymore. God, thank you for not letting me get that far. I know by being saved, that God won't let me stray that far. God intervened at the right time and brought me here. I was feeling worse than ever about "being homosexual", and started envisioning the rest of my life alone and with no ability to joy the gift of sex.
Now a final topic: I have heard/read that somewhere in the Bible it states that someone who is homosexual actually must just remain celibate for the entire lives. This is a bit contrary from what I understand from some of the scriptures I have read lately. While I appreciate this view, and it is probably the track my life was on before taking the plunge into Christianity Oasis, I see it as a very weak solution. It totally forfeits God's plan for a relationship, family, eternal partner, and sex. Wow, that's a lot. But on the other hand, I vaguely remember a scripture that says something like this. It could have just been some website misquoting a verse, I'm not sure. Of course, there are sites I have read that actually claim that there are NO MENTIONS of homosexuality being a sin in the bible. I have honestly read articles that claim twist a verse into saying that Jesus had sexual relations with a man. You're talking about some down-right evil coming from Satan to make people actually twist what God's word. So, as usual, we must take what we read on the Internet with a tablespoon of salt.
**This is a paraphrase/interpretation by me. I am recalling news coverage indicating that the man loathed promiscuity of college-aged girls because that was on the note he left behind before his rampage.
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arken1 - Posts: 45
by mlg » Fri Jul 30, 2010 9:01 pm
Hi arken, I want to share a couple of Bible verses with you regarding homosexuality...and then let you pray and meditate on the Word.
Leviticus 20:13
If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
Now this first verse is in the Old Testament...before Jesus and grace. Remember God forgives sin and sinners through the blood of Jesus...and if one believes upon Him and loves Him they shall be saved...and God also wants the sinner to repent and turn from their sins....but in this verse people were living under the law...and the law said death was the only way out of a sin of this nature...but remember again this is before Jesus...now Jesus came to fulfill the law...which means the law didn't go away...but that grace is now available to those who sin.
This next part is kind of long but all goes together...I will highlight the part that speaks of homosexuality:
Romans 1:24-32
24 Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:
25 Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.
26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:
27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.
28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;
29 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,
30 Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,
31 Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:
32 Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.
Now with that being said...all sin is seen equally in the eyes of the Lord...none greater than another because sin is sin...and again all sin can be forgiven through the blood of Jesus Christ and if one repents, and believes in Jesus then they will be saved.
Keep seeking the answers you seek my friend...the Bible is the best place to read...check it out for yourself.
luv ya
Leviticus 20:13
If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
Now this first verse is in the Old Testament...before Jesus and grace. Remember God forgives sin and sinners through the blood of Jesus...and if one believes upon Him and loves Him they shall be saved...and God also wants the sinner to repent and turn from their sins....but in this verse people were living under the law...and the law said death was the only way out of a sin of this nature...but remember again this is before Jesus...now Jesus came to fulfill the law...which means the law didn't go away...but that grace is now available to those who sin.
This next part is kind of long but all goes together...I will highlight the part that speaks of homosexuality:
Romans 1:24-32
24 Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:
25 Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.
26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:
27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.
28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;
29 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,
30 Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,
31 Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:
32 Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.
Now with that being said...all sin is seen equally in the eyes of the Lord...none greater than another because sin is sin...and again all sin can be forgiven through the blood of Jesus Christ and if one repents, and believes in Jesus then they will be saved.
Keep seeking the answers you seek my friend...the Bible is the best place to read...check it out for yourself.
luv ya
Do you know my Jesus? Do you know my friend? Have you heard He loves you? If not, I'd like to introduce you.
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mlg - Posts: 4428
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by arken1 » Fri Jul 30, 2010 9:21 pm
mlg wrote:24 Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:
27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.
My understanding of this verse, and I have seen it before but am re-reading it now, is that sexual sin is caused by God's wrath. That's very different from my understanding that sexual sin comes from Satan. Maybe I don't know the context of this verse very well.
Anyway, I was just skimming through Romans 2 and Romans 2:13 says, "For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God's sight, but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous." I guess you could say, well, God created Satan, so he technically did create sexual (and all) sin, but he just doesn't want us to choose it. Yes, any sin we may commit is paid for; however, you can't fool God by sinning/repenting without an honest heart. And, he will do so much more through us and use us for His purpose if we turn away from the sin altogether. Basically, we can pursue sexual sin, but our lives won't be as fulfilling as God wants them to be for us.
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arken1 - Posts: 45
by mlg » Fri Jul 30, 2010 9:57 pm
Hi arken,
I'm gonna pull out this first part of the verse so we can kind of see more...
Romans 1:24-26
24 Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:
25 Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.
26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:
Notice in verse 24 God gives them up because of their sin of lust in their hearts that dishonour their body...and with God doing so it was because they served the enemy more than they did God(verse 25) and that is when God allowed them to continue in their vile affections(verse 26) one being homosexuality....
We choose to sin...and we choose not to sin...and you are right...God wants us to choose not to sin...and not to use His grace as an excuse to sin.
luv ya
I'm gonna pull out this first part of the verse so we can kind of see more...
Romans 1:24-26
24 Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:
25 Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.
26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:
Notice in verse 24 God gives them up because of their sin of lust in their hearts that dishonour their body...and with God doing so it was because they served the enemy more than they did God(verse 25) and that is when God allowed them to continue in their vile affections(verse 26) one being homosexuality....
We choose to sin...and we choose not to sin...and you are right...God wants us to choose not to sin...and not to use His grace as an excuse to sin.
luv yaDo you know my Jesus? Do you know my friend? Have you heard He loves you? If not, I'd like to introduce you.
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mlg - Posts: 4428
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Day 6
by arken1 » Sat Jul 31, 2010 10:12 pm
Not a moment too soon for Day 6 of my journal... but not sure what to say. Have been very busy today, so not much opportunity for temptation. However, I do feel weaker today than my first 5 days. I feel more urges coming on, and more voices saying "God can't/won't be able to change your sexual desires. Why would you even want to change your sexual desires?" I have to keep reminding myself that this is Satan. He can be hard to identify at times, and makes you think the thoughts are born of yourself.
What a good opportunity to say that I have not looked at or wanted to look at porn in about 1 week now. That doesn't sound like much since only a week ago that means I was delving into it; however, I was getting to the point where I looked at it daily, almost out of habit. As if it was not even a sin anymore, but just my nature and part of me. I also noticed that this frequency had generated many pervert thoughts throughout the day, thinking of nothing other than sex. How can I carry out God's plan if all I think about is sex, much less homosexual sex? Obviously, I couldn't, so I'm glad I have at least made it this long without it, and hopefully can continue to avoid it.
What a good opportunity to say that I have not looked at or wanted to look at porn in about 1 week now. That doesn't sound like much since only a week ago that means I was delving into it; however, I was getting to the point where I looked at it daily, almost out of habit. As if it was not even a sin anymore, but just my nature and part of me. I also noticed that this frequency had generated many pervert thoughts throughout the day, thinking of nothing other than sex. How can I carry out God's plan if all I think about is sex, much less homosexual sex? Obviously, I couldn't, so I'm glad I have at least made it this long without it, and hopefully can continue to avoid it.
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arken1 - Posts: 45
by mlg » Sat Jul 31, 2010 11:29 pm
Praise God arken...that is great...one week is a huge step...God is proud of you...
Those little lies the enemy keeps trying to plant in your head...keep pulling them out...one weed at a time...the enemy is gonna try to pull you down because he doesn't want to see you growing with God nor does he want to see you succeed in healing from these thoughts...but you can do this as all things are possible with God...so fight that good fight.
Praying for you.
luv ya
Those little lies the enemy keeps trying to plant in your head...keep pulling them out...one weed at a time...the enemy is gonna try to pull you down because he doesn't want to see you growing with God nor does he want to see you succeed in healing from these thoughts...but you can do this as all things are possible with God...so fight that good fight.
Praying for you.
luv ya
Do you know my Jesus? Do you know my friend? Have you heard He loves you? If not, I'd like to introduce you.
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mlg - Posts: 4428
- Marital Status: Not Interested
Day 7
by arken1 » Mon Aug 02, 2010 9:15 pm
Kind of missed yesterday, so going to consider today day 7 when it's technically day 8.
I really appreciate the comments about prayer and not giving up. I think that will be important for me, because that's what I usually do every time I promise to make this right with God. This time a lot of things have been different, namely that I have used a public Christian forum to express my feelings and discuss the battle.
Discovered yet another friend on Facebook who is now pictured with his boyfriend. These are people I went to school with that I never knew were/would become homosexuals. Of course, I guess no one knew I was battling it either. It makes my battle a little harder, because Satan uses it to try to comfort me back into that mindset, saying it's OK since my friends are doing it. I have sworn him off this time because of the support I have gotten here that helps reassure me that I am making the right choice. When I really analyze these feelings, I can identify them as pure lust. I feel no emotional attraction to men, just physical when I let Satan take control of my sexual thoughts. What I have been able to do in the past week is "shoo" him away, and keep my sexual thoughts under control. I hope and pray that God will use this time where I have finally cleared out the garbage to start rebuilding and renewing my mind to find the beautiful woman he made for me. How would I ever even start dating if I let Satan keep me in this circus?
I really appreciate the comments about prayer and not giving up. I think that will be important for me, because that's what I usually do every time I promise to make this right with God. This time a lot of things have been different, namely that I have used a public Christian forum to express my feelings and discuss the battle.
Discovered yet another friend on Facebook who is now pictured with his boyfriend. These are people I went to school with that I never knew were/would become homosexuals. Of course, I guess no one knew I was battling it either. It makes my battle a little harder, because Satan uses it to try to comfort me back into that mindset, saying it's OK since my friends are doing it. I have sworn him off this time because of the support I have gotten here that helps reassure me that I am making the right choice. When I really analyze these feelings, I can identify them as pure lust. I feel no emotional attraction to men, just physical when I let Satan take control of my sexual thoughts. What I have been able to do in the past week is "shoo" him away, and keep my sexual thoughts under control. I hope and pray that God will use this time where I have finally cleared out the garbage to start rebuilding and renewing my mind to find the beautiful woman he made for me. How would I ever even start dating if I let Satan keep me in this circus?
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arken1 - Posts: 45
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