Christianity Oasis Forum

[realtmg]

Birdie,
I noticed in your last post you mentioned "feelings" several times.
Feelings are not facts.
We are responsible of how we react and respond to issues. Just another stepping stone we have to overcome.
You are on the right path; just wanting to mention the "feeling thing".
God is always in Control! Do your best and He do do the rest.


GBU


Real

[Dora]

Hello sis.

Love the name! Littlesongbird. I believe you'll be singing from outside this cage you've been trapped in, very soon.

I wanted to share with you a few things. One is I know what you are going through. I've been through simular. At the bottom of this letter is a link to my story if you are interested in reading it. Sorta long, but you'll find that we have a few things in common.

I want to give you the link to a forum for rape victims. You'll find stories of others who have shared about what they are going through, did go through and how they over came it....

http://www.christianityoasis.com/Member ... .php?f=109

Also a study for rape victims. Maybe finish the study you are on first then start this other one. Your choice.

http://www.christianityoasis.com/frompa ... /forum.htm

There is hope in the Lord that you'll over come this and be free again one day.

You're very strong and fighting your way through. You can and will do this. You are doing this!

You are in my prayers.
Love ya!

[Guest]

day 4. forgiving yourself and others.

ok, it's funny that I wrote something already down about this, before I even read step 4. I must admit this is a tough one. I guess this is something I really have to work on.
to start with forgiving yourself, with not doing that you're holding on to self-pity. for sure, I don't want that. I don't want to put myself higher than God's standards. the feelings of unworthyness, dishonored etc are just coming from a root of guilt. I've never seen it that way, but it is a false guilt as Jesus has forgiven me and for Him it's no longer there. I might not see it yet, but I have to believe the truth that it is gone. Renewing of the mind is not a microwave solution, it's like a cake baked in the oven. a process.

I must admit that I've forgiven certain people to a certain level. I don't trust them anymore. thankfully there is a note that when a crime is committed, you don't have to stay in touch with that person. I broke all contact with my ex-bf for a reason as there is serious danger to me staying in touch with him, but I do know I have to do a better job in forgiving people. cause by releasing them of their guilt towards me, I release myself of the soul tie between us and the problems that keeps me prisoned. but I'm getting the weeds out today again and I do choose to trust people again and not to life my live ruled by fear but by love. I choose to let go of any hate feelings towards my ex-bf and to choose to forgive friends who have hurt me as well. forgiving is a choice, not a feeling. so I CHOOSE to forgive. I don't want to hold it against them. to be honest, I do this for myself, cause it will set me free. but it might work something out in their lives. so yeah, I choose for forgiveness. deep stuff today! man, I'm really working here...

I'm just wondering if a friend has betrayed you and gossiped about you if I should keep telling her my personal stuff so deep. I mean, I do want to trust her again, but a sense of wisdom is needed in that as well, or am I wrong here and should I trust her completely again?

[Dora]

Hello littlesongbird

You are doing so well. You've got the keys and are using them.

If someone tells you to fall back into their arms and they'll catch you. Then they pull back at the last second, let you fall, and laugh you won't let them try to catch you again. It's common since. But you could sit on the bench and talk.

So with this friend who takes your deep thoughts and issues you've shared with them and gossiped instead of giving them information that will hurt you if they share it, just talk over things that if they share, it won't hurt you.

Love ya!

[mlg]

Hi littlesongbird

So...you've come to the step of forgiveness...my sister this is where I can sense that you need to dig deepest. In order for you to be truly free in the way you want to be...you have to work through forgiving yourself and each and every person who has ever hurt you in anyway. Remember forgiving doesn't mean what they did was right...nor does it give them the right to do it again...forgiving means you are letting it all go and not going to carry the pain and hurt around with you anymore. It means you will be free and ready to fly.

As for your friend...Pine is right...sometimes people tend to gossip about things we say to them...not that they mean to...but gossip is something the enemy uses to try and tear apart friendships...and often he succeeds. So what you have to do is be careful of the things you share...but continue to love your friend.

Keep working through the steps sis...you can do this!

luv ya

[Guest]

yeah forgiveness is a huge issue for me. it's not that I don't want to forgive, cause I'm choosing to forgive, cause it's not a feeling. but I need to choose more radically I think, take it to the level that I truly forgive and forget, that I won't hold it against them anymore. that's a battle, as I am someone who wants to see justice to be done to me and in the past it has felt like I've given that right away in order to be hurt again.

I'm realizing today that there are more people to forgive than I thought there would be. not because I've never chosen to forgive them before, but because I still was holding on to not loving them like Christ does. I need to re examine and choose to forgive them completely and unconditionally, no matter what happens. I wanna fly again, I need to get out of this cage. I'm really feeling that if I don't forgive them truly, I'm holding on to this pain/hurt as a identity part, which is not right and would lead back to self pity.

indeed it is digging up, cause things of the past I thought I dealt with are popping up. I'm wondering how I can get through all these issues in a day when tomorrow there is another stepping stone? not that it is becoming too much, I just don't want to rush over things and not deal with them thoroughly. it's evening here and I will think about this before I go to bed. I hope God will show it clearly to me which people I really need to forgive again, so it won't get a hold of me..

[mlg]

You won't get through all the issues sis in a day...remember the journey you are on is a lifetime journey...so take each issue and work on it daily and one day you will overcome.

Sis...on forgiving...I am going to share with you what helped me..and maybe you can come up with something that will help you. I made a forgiveness list...a list of everything I needed to forgive everyone of...and then as I wrote it I left it there...it was final...it was forgiven...maybe you can come up with ways to lay the unforgiveness down and leave it at the feet of Jesus as well.

luv ya

[Dora]

All those things popping up will need dealt with in order to be free but they need more than one day.

Keep on and keep giving them to the Lord. He'll show you how to deal. Remember your earlier words, it's Him who will do the healing. Not even you can cause it. Keep seeking.

[Guest]

day 5. identify the problem.

I've been really thinking about how to identify my problem. For me it has been looking for comfort in places I shouldn't be looking and backing myself up with masks, stone walls and pretending I'm fine. perfectionism and pride that covered me. I know that made forgiving people a huge issue, as with forgiving them I'm letting go the pain and hurt that had formed my identity. that's a good thing, that's my way out of the cage I think.

and so identifying the problem is acknowledging that it takes deep digging, but the key solution remains forgiveness. and now I've take out a lot of roots, seeds, plants and weeds that were not right and I'm looking forward to see some new flowers starting to grow. I'm taking serious steps into forgiving completely and with all the encouragements and help I get here it feels easier than I thought. perhaps I've made things myself so hard that I couldn't see a way out, but now I see a path coming forth and that's awesome...

[Dora]

Awesome....

Don't forget when the pain surfaces again and again you'll need to apply the forgiveness again and again.

Love you!

[mlg]

And I smile...as you can see the problem isn't so big that you can't overcome. With Jesus all things are possible...so if you need an extra boost of help with that forgiveness...then call out to Jesus and ask for Him to help you through.

I see you moving forward littlesongbird...you are going to make it sis...keep on keeping on.

luv ya

[deetu]

Hi songbird, nice to meet you. I have been away for this past week so we didn't meet sooner.

I have found that in order to truly forgive a person, you ask God to bless them. Once you can do that, you have let them go. You don't want to keep carrying their burden around.

Also, you mentioned soul ties keeping you bound. Try calling them back when remembering each person who took part of you and returning theirs to become whole again. That will help with your forgiveness.

I'm a hugger, hope you don't mind