He saved my life
Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 2:46 am**warning graphic story**very very long**
A couple months ago I felt the need to find someone in my former situation and convince them to change their ways. So one night I searched for "rave chat" and instantly had to turn away, the images were far to vivid and brought back memories I don't ever want to have again. Rather I searched for "christian chat" and it brought me here. I shared my testimony in a singles forum and it got lost so I want to redo my testimony.
9 years ago I was living the life I was supposed to be, I had a girlfriend which I loved and within reason I was living the typical life of a semi teen.
When I got out of high school I broke up with my girlfriend and hit the ground running, I started looking for the latest and greatest, it was college and that meant unimaginable experiences right? Well it wasn't long before I met up with my childhood best friend working at a gas station where he had a huge group of friends, here it was exactly what I was looking for, a group of kids hanging out with no parents and no rules. It wasn't long before they introduced me to the world they spoke of so often. Soon I was doing drugs and living life in the fast lane. Parties that lasted all night followed by periods of simply getting high and playing video games. Everyone spoke about one another as if we were a family, in fact we used that word to describe ourselves and I truly regret ever saying such a thing. In fact nothing could have been further from the truth. No relationship lasted very long, it was only a matter of time before someone would sneak their way in between two people and split them up so they could stake a claim for themselves. The rest of the interactions are difficult to explain, mostly due to the fortunate fact that I haven't thought of those days in quite some time (thank the lord).
It wasn't long before I found myself deep into the mind games that everyone had spun and before I knew it I found myself regularly in bed with my best friends fiance/ex-fiance. Here was the biggest lie I had ever come across. I wanted this woman more then anything but told myself I was true to both of them, I wasn't doing anything wrong because other then a few drugged up kisses "nothing was going on". It wasn't long before the game she was playing came to an end. She chose one night to leave my best friend and stay in my bed. As a way of breaking up with him to go to another man she slept with me and took my virginity. It's what I was wanting the entire time only she left after a few days. There I was, I slept with my best friends girl which we had been fighting over and there we both were, at odds and neither of us had her.
I want to back up a month or so because this is part of what spurred the affair. I mention the affair first because it was my fault and nothing else.
My best friend thought there was an affair going on, there wasn't on a physical level but in every other way there was. Well one night he called me up while I was on my way to visit her at her new boyfriends house and invited me over for some drugs and zoom I was on the highway going full speed. Little did I know his intentions were malicious. When I got there he gave me a major overdose of drugs which sent me off the charts, that night I thought I was dead and in hindsight it was the night my life ended.
Over the next few years my mental state declined and I slowly became paranoid and afraid of everything. I went off to college because of my parents best attempt to get me away from all of the drugs and the people but I just got worse. I sat in my room and didn't go to class. At the end of the year I came back home and declined even more. I wouldn't leave my room, paced back and forth in massive anxiety attacks and couldn't stand the presence of my family. Eventually I moved into the basement and closed the door. What happened in my room was a terrible example of seclusion that I care not to share. Over the years things got worse until I couldn't bear existence.
This is where things started to change in the oddest way you could imagine. I was called to another city, a few plane trips and several hours later I found myself in a dark hotel room holding my first bible. I was no better off then I had been, on the contrary, I was nearly broke and in an unfamiliar state. I caught a bus back home and tried to bear my existence but simply couldn't. I wanted desperately to live but was convinced I had no other option. After I decided how I was going to end my life I started for the door when an idea came to mind, a mental institution.... so I checked myself in.
I was prescribed medication and released back home to the room I knew all to well. Things were rough, didn't seam like it had improved, at times even worse. But I endured. Gradually over time my life started to get better, the living nightmare was finally subsiding. Months passed and I started to fearfully face my family. Given enough time I started working again and though I had no idea how to function in the world I gave it everything I had. In one day I spoke with more people then I had in the past several years. It wasn't easy and I was battling inner demons every day but I slowly got better. I got myself a bird that I fell in love with the first night in the bird room and she is with me every single day, every minute i'm home she's on my shoulder and she's the light of my life. I have a couple friends who I talk to every week and have recently quit my job to start school in the field I had once begun in high school. Next semester I'm going to start a second degree and finish both of them about the same time.
I look back at the last several years of my life and wonder.... well I just wonder. I made massive mistakes which simply compounded the problems I already had. I've spent more then enough time learning from my past and I have truly moved on.
Every day I devote what ever I have to doing whats right for myself and I try to be there for everyone I possibly can. My greatest joy in life outside of my home is to share the love I've found for god with others who are in a place just as bad as I once was. My biggest problem today is convincing them that there is hope, no matter how bleak things may be he will deliver you from it. I did nothing to deserve this healing I simply received his grace and found my faith in god.
I remember one night, I was drunk beyond all belief and completely out of hope. I wandered onto a christian chat room and started to lay it all out there. This one man stayed with me all night and preached to me, the latest hours of the night until morning he spoke the love of god to me. I found solace in what he said and though I was far from being saved as I am today, he was one of many small miracles that saved my life and allowed me to experience the life I truly love today.
I will spend the rest of my life repaying what that man did for me on that dark night.
A couple months ago I felt the need to find someone in my former situation and convince them to change their ways. So one night I searched for "rave chat" and instantly had to turn away, the images were far to vivid and brought back memories I don't ever want to have again. Rather I searched for "christian chat" and it brought me here. I shared my testimony in a singles forum and it got lost so I want to redo my testimony.
9 years ago I was living the life I was supposed to be, I had a girlfriend which I loved and within reason I was living the typical life of a semi teen.
When I got out of high school I broke up with my girlfriend and hit the ground running, I started looking for the latest and greatest, it was college and that meant unimaginable experiences right? Well it wasn't long before I met up with my childhood best friend working at a gas station where he had a huge group of friends, here it was exactly what I was looking for, a group of kids hanging out with no parents and no rules. It wasn't long before they introduced me to the world they spoke of so often. Soon I was doing drugs and living life in the fast lane. Parties that lasted all night followed by periods of simply getting high and playing video games. Everyone spoke about one another as if we were a family, in fact we used that word to describe ourselves and I truly regret ever saying such a thing. In fact nothing could have been further from the truth. No relationship lasted very long, it was only a matter of time before someone would sneak their way in between two people and split them up so they could stake a claim for themselves. The rest of the interactions are difficult to explain, mostly due to the fortunate fact that I haven't thought of those days in quite some time (thank the lord).
It wasn't long before I found myself deep into the mind games that everyone had spun and before I knew it I found myself regularly in bed with my best friends fiance/ex-fiance. Here was the biggest lie I had ever come across. I wanted this woman more then anything but told myself I was true to both of them, I wasn't doing anything wrong because other then a few drugged up kisses "nothing was going on". It wasn't long before the game she was playing came to an end. She chose one night to leave my best friend and stay in my bed. As a way of breaking up with him to go to another man she slept with me and took my virginity. It's what I was wanting the entire time only she left after a few days. There I was, I slept with my best friends girl which we had been fighting over and there we both were, at odds and neither of us had her.
I want to back up a month or so because this is part of what spurred the affair. I mention the affair first because it was my fault and nothing else.
My best friend thought there was an affair going on, there wasn't on a physical level but in every other way there was. Well one night he called me up while I was on my way to visit her at her new boyfriends house and invited me over for some drugs and zoom I was on the highway going full speed. Little did I know his intentions were malicious. When I got there he gave me a major overdose of drugs which sent me off the charts, that night I thought I was dead and in hindsight it was the night my life ended.
Over the next few years my mental state declined and I slowly became paranoid and afraid of everything. I went off to college because of my parents best attempt to get me away from all of the drugs and the people but I just got worse. I sat in my room and didn't go to class. At the end of the year I came back home and declined even more. I wouldn't leave my room, paced back and forth in massive anxiety attacks and couldn't stand the presence of my family. Eventually I moved into the basement and closed the door. What happened in my room was a terrible example of seclusion that I care not to share. Over the years things got worse until I couldn't bear existence.
This is where things started to change in the oddest way you could imagine. I was called to another city, a few plane trips and several hours later I found myself in a dark hotel room holding my first bible. I was no better off then I had been, on the contrary, I was nearly broke and in an unfamiliar state. I caught a bus back home and tried to bear my existence but simply couldn't. I wanted desperately to live but was convinced I had no other option. After I decided how I was going to end my life I started for the door when an idea came to mind, a mental institution.... so I checked myself in.
I was prescribed medication and released back home to the room I knew all to well. Things were rough, didn't seam like it had improved, at times even worse. But I endured. Gradually over time my life started to get better, the living nightmare was finally subsiding. Months passed and I started to fearfully face my family. Given enough time I started working again and though I had no idea how to function in the world I gave it everything I had. In one day I spoke with more people then I had in the past several years. It wasn't easy and I was battling inner demons every day but I slowly got better. I got myself a bird that I fell in love with the first night in the bird room and she is with me every single day, every minute i'm home she's on my shoulder and she's the light of my life. I have a couple friends who I talk to every week and have recently quit my job to start school in the field I had once begun in high school. Next semester I'm going to start a second degree and finish both of them about the same time.
I look back at the last several years of my life and wonder.... well I just wonder. I made massive mistakes which simply compounded the problems I already had. I've spent more then enough time learning from my past and I have truly moved on.
Every day I devote what ever I have to doing whats right for myself and I try to be there for everyone I possibly can. My greatest joy in life outside of my home is to share the love I've found for god with others who are in a place just as bad as I once was. My biggest problem today is convincing them that there is hope, no matter how bleak things may be he will deliver you from it. I did nothing to deserve this healing I simply received his grace and found my faith in god.
I remember one night, I was drunk beyond all belief and completely out of hope. I wandered onto a christian chat room and started to lay it all out there. This one man stayed with me all night and preached to me, the latest hours of the night until morning he spoke the love of god to me. I found solace in what he said and though I was far from being saved as I am today, he was one of many small miracles that saved my life and allowed me to experience the life I truly love today.
I will spend the rest of my life repaying what that man did for me on that dark night.
