Christianity Oasis Forum

[rmarie]

Hey Everyone-
It has been a while since I have written or even visited Christianity Oasis. There has been a lot that has happened to me that has gotten me to where I am now.
I withdrew from the University of Mary in Febuary 2009. Why you may ask? I had been in the hospital in early Febuary with some memory loss. I didn't know anyone except Rachel, who is a girl that goes to the University of Mary. It was scary, because my parents ended up coming out to Bismarck, and I didn't know who they are. Imagine how scary it was for me when they walked in and I was told they were my mom and did, but I had no idea who they were.
Before I was released from the hospital, I had to see a psychatrist. He told me that he felt I should enter the Partial Hospitalization Program through Saint Alexius Hospital. Well of course my automatic response in my head was that I was nuts.
I went back to Mary, but about a week later, I realized it was just too much for me to handle. I was already behind, and I knew that I was leaving for treatment soon. So, on Thursday of Mid-Terms, I left and moved home until they could get me into treatment.
So, fast forward to March 17, 2009. I moved back to Bismarck to start my treatment for Depression, Anxiety, Anger, Relationship Issues, and OCD. At first, I was really angry with myself because I had to withdraw from school. I felt that I had ruined my family's life and everyone who knew me. I became really angry with God for letting this happen. It really sucked.
As treatment started, I was afraid to share EVERYTHING I had been hiding for many years. Eventually, I was able to take off the mask that I was wearing and show them the "Real Robyn".
I was able to cry for the first time in about four years without being ashamed. I was able to admit that I am hard on myself, and I push myself too far sometimes. I told them that I set high expectations for myself, and when I didn't reach them, I would get upset. I opened and showed people that I didn't really know the "dark rooms" I had hidden for so many years.
Well, I finished treatment on April 24, 2009. It was truly intense and was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I can tell you that it truly has changed who I am and how I live my life.
I am going back to University of Mary this fall, but I am not going for theology anymore. I have changed my major to something at the opposite end of the scale. I am going for Physician's Assistant.
Is this a suprise to me? Not at all. When I was in high school, I was sure I was going to be nurse. That didn't happen. To tell you the truth, I think the real reason I was going to be a youth minister was to please someone in my family. Well, I have learned that I need to follow my dream.
My dream currently is to become a PA. Maybe after a while of being a PA, I will go back to school to become a doctor. I am not really sure yet.
I also want to live a life where I don't care what anyone else expects from me. That is something the "Old Robyn" would definately do. You see, the "old Robyn" wanted everyone to like her. She would pretend to be someone she wasn't at all. She would push herself way too hard sometimes.
I am not going back to that person. To tell you the truth, I really don't like that girl. I hid all my life behind a mask. I am now able to take off that mask and admit that I don't care anymore. I am a new person. You don't have to like me. I am not going back to the person I was. She was mean to herself, and I can't handle blaming myself anymore.
So, the bottom line is:
If you don't like who I am right now, you don't have to be my friend. My life is totally amazing with the friends I have.
Thanks,
Robyn

[Mackenaw]

Hello RMarie,

Wow, sounds like you have experienced some remarkable changes and that you are happy. Praise God.

Thank you for sharing, RMarie.

God bless you.
Love,
Mack