Christianity Oasis Forum

[Dora]

I've been looking for a place to write my story. I've tried a few times but never finished. So I may come back here to add add things at times.

I have read other testimonies and talked to many here and in person who are hurting in many ways. I feel I've gone through many things so I can understand how others feel.

I know what it feels like to be ...
unloved and unlovable,
to be alone in a house full of people.
To be beaten by my father and throw across the room.
To be addicted to alcohol before I was old enough to drive
I know what it feels like to be 13 and have my parents do everything they told me not to do.
To be angry at God for taking the only person who loved me away. The only person I had to save me from my dads beatings.
I know what it's like to feel life couldn't get worse.
I know what it's like to hurt myself so I could feel something when I was so hurt I couldn't feel anything.
I know what it feels like to want to die.
To be chased by evil
I know what it's like to be told you couldn't have children.
To be told you lost your baby.
To be judged by people.

And what did Jesus do?
Now....
I know what it feels like to forgive and be forgiven,
to be loved,
to be given a second chance.
To find joy amongst a trail.
To pray and receive.
To feel evil beings shake and tremble when I confess sins.
To hold my baby even when I wasn't suspose to be able to have children.
To give birth to a son and be told he wasn't going to survive. Then to hear the doctors amazement of how all of a sudden he started to thrive after people prayed for him.
To see my dad get baptised and
to watch him walk into heaven.

Here at Oasis I am loved and accepted.
Here I can find people who are just like myself. You wonderfully peculiar people. I love ya.


Lets see
My earthy father beat me, My heavenly father loved me
My earthy father said I was worthless, My heavenly Father died so I could live.
I was angry my heavenly father took the only person who I thought loved me home to be with him. Leaving me lonely, unprotected, and unloved (so I thought). Even though I was angry and self centered my heavenly father forgave me and continued to love me and watch out for me.

I want to encourage anyone who feels their parents don't love them that this may not be what it seems. When I grew up I learned that compared to my Grandpa, who I never knew, my dad was a good father. Even though if you look at how I was treated you would not be able to see much good. He was a broken person trying his best to not make the same mistakes his father did. Only he didn't use the Lords help. He tried to do it all on his own. My mother never said she loved me and very rarely touched me or hugged me. But I found that she was never hugged or told she was loved by her parents. When I was 16 she wrote me a note. It said, "I love you". I cried and cried. I still have that note. It's been 21 years ago. I started telling her I love you. She would set quietly and take a deep breath and say, "Hmm". I decided even if she couldn't tell me I was going to tell her every time we spoke. One day after I said I love you mom she said, "I I I I I Lo lo lo lo love" deep breath and a sigh then the word, "you." If you've never spoken those words it would be hard to say them. Today everytime we talk we can not hang up the phone because we can't stop saying those words enough.

I still don't like to be touched or hugged I guess because of the way I grew up. But I know my family needs to be hugged and touched. So every chance I get I hug them or rub their back or arm. I have laid a new path. Why could I do this and not my parents? Prayer! You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength.

I don't know what it's like to be raised in a house full of love and acceptance. But now because of Jesus answering prayers I know what it is like to live in a house full of love and acceptance. Praise God! I am so glad I didn't listen to Satan and choose to end my life as a teen. Because God has given me a new life. A wonderful life full of people that love me and accept me just as I am. Sure Satan tries to influence me that my life is worthless at time. But now I know, he wouldn't be messing with me if God wasn't using me.
This is me. Just when I think I'm doing right, I slip up. I still need Jesus.

[lizzie]

my pinester

Thank you for sharing your story with us You have come a long way sis, and I know there are many out there who are struggling or have struggled with these very issues, and will gain strength and hope from your testimony.

Our past does not have to be our future. We make the decisions and the choices to change our lives, from what it was, to where God wants it to be, and you my sis have done that, and I am so very proud of you

Know that you are loved here, and I feel blessed to have met you Never let anyone try to convince you that you are worthless, for the Creator of ALL things gave His life for yours. That is how much you are worth to Him.

Luv u sis and may God richly bless you and yours
lizzie

[Mackenaw]

Awwwwwwwww Pine, I love you, sister.

Love, hugs and God's blessings to you,
Sister Mack

[Dora]

Thanks everyone for your words of encouragement, blessings, and prayers.

Last night starting in chat and ending in a bible study I realized there was a part of my life I hadn't given to Jesus. I thought I had. Maybe I just took it back.
Thanks Domo for being the messenger. *adore* I was reminded that God think of me as the apple of his eye.
Psalm 17:8 Keep me as the apple of the eye

I have an wooden apple in my room that was given to me by a group of Christians to remind me that he feels that way about me. Lately evertime I look at it I think who am I that he would think of me that way.

Maybe we just need a reminder once in a while.

The last 2.5 yrs my heart has felt like it's broken into a zillion pieces. Before my dad died we had 2 yrs where we were good friends. Then he turned mean again and I had to stop seeing him. We reconciled before he died. I wasn't angry at him but I knew he had a sickness that kept me from being safe around him. Now I know when I see him again we will have a wonderful relationship. I can not wait until that day.

It feels impossabile to accept that he thinks of me that way. How do you get it deap down inside where it can stay. I know I'm his daughter. I know he loves me so much he died for me. But it seems impossable to accept that he sees me as the apple of his eye even though I know it. I can't get it in my heart to stay.

I feel like the little girl who got her Sunday dress all dirty.

My youngest did something naughty. We talked about it. Then later that night he came to me and said, "Mommy will you forgive me for what I did." I was so touched. I looked at him and told him the truth. I said, "My son I forgave you a long time ago." He looked up at me with those big brown repentant eyes and replied, "But Mommy I didn't ask for you to forgive me. You forgave me before I asked." I hugged him and while I was hugging him the words came to me, "And how much more can I forgive you?"

[Sylvia]

Pine, I want to thank you for sharing with us your testimony. we are all a work in progress. the apostle Paul said in Philippians 1:6 'I am confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ."
Christ Jesus is at work in us even when we don't "FEEL" he is there.
He will never leave us or forsake us. Even when others have.
Sylvia