Christianity Oasis Forum

[Leshaun101]

I am in need of guidance, since I can remember I've always had imaginary friends. Ive always been kind of shy and timid.Now that Im 26, I am worried because I often find myself talking to these imaginary friends. I can shut this off and on, but when I get by myself it harder to control. What steps should I take to get a grip with reality? I have a couple of friends, but not many because I was hanging with the wrong crowd. Since I've dedicated my life to God, I've found me and who I am meant to be in Christ. So I've had to let go a lot of old friends. My question is do I need to be checked for a mental illness or is this a way of me searching for a social outlet. Please pray for me!

[dema]

I think there is likely a lot more to it than that. When do you go to your imaginary friends? (By the way, if you get caught - don't try to explain. Just say "Thank you Jesus" so that the person who caught you can hear and that should take care of it, Of course with cell phones, people don't really wonder about others talking into the air like they used to. .)

Most of us had something that caused us grief as a child. And as adults, when life gets to be too much, I have found that many if not most people will act like a child of a certain age - their grief age, or maybe their most happy age - when they cannot take the stresses of being an adult. The fact that you can turn it off and on is good.

It might be good to write down some of your conversations with the imaginary friends. Are you talking about cookies, and plans and television shows and daily tasks? Are you talking about your worries and problems and solutions? Is there something deeper going on?

I'm not a counselor. I have worked with people for some years and read a lot - but I am not a licensed professional. Just so you know.

There are two problems with your talking to imaginary friends - three if you count people noticing and not understanding. One is that it bothers you. And the second is that there may be something that is unresolved that this is treating.

When you have a deep hurt that is unresolved, then it can come back on you unexpectedly at the worst times. With many people it undermines them when they are getting close to success. So it is important to hear the hurt. Once you hear the hurt, you can find ways to handle the symptoms of the hurt. And you can go on to be successful with coping mechanisms.

Like what kind of coping mechanisms? Maybe like having imaginary friend. . Some people will color or play with dolls or buy toys for people and many, many work with children. In schools and church surroundings for example.

So, when do you talk to these friends? And what do you talk about? By when, I mean how do you feel inside right before you talk to your friends? And what has generally happened right before you talk to your friends? Do you talk to them when overwhelmed? When hurt? When frustrated? When your football team loses? Or just when you are lonely?

You know your friends aren't real. I don't think you have any need to worry about mental illness. Just about why.

God bless.

[Leshaun101]

When I was younger, I was picked on at times, but I've always had friends. No matter how old you become ppl have a way of getting to you. For example, this is hard to share, but I need to talk about this with someone, growing up I never felt pretty enough. I felt and sometimes still do feel as though my friends are my friends because I make them look better. My imaginary friends, make me feel as though I'm the prettiest person in the room. Maybe it's a coping mechanism. I feel safe, but it plays both good and bad, just as the real world, you always have competition. Sometimes "they" can be hurtful as well. I replay things someone has told me or that have actually happened to me. I've been hiding this from family. They caught me a few times and they would pick on me (mainly younger sisters). It feels good to talk with someone about this. I do it most when I am alone and lonely. I know as I grow more with Christ, I find my way. Thanks again for your help, it is much needed!! God bless.

[Leshaun101]

Oh, we talk about normal things. Going out and other stuff. The more I share the crazier I feel like I should be put away or something. Maybe I am reaching out for real people and experiences. Who knows. Thing is I totally know they aren't real and I need to get a grip. My imaginary friends also play a role in my masturbating. I feel crazy so I'll stop talking.

[dema]

I think that perhaps you didn't feel like you got enough attention when you were younger. At home. I've seen really ugly kids with high self-esteem because they were wanted, loved and cherished at home. And there are beautiful girls who cannot stand the way they look. Generally, the attractive girls hang together. The pretty queen bee picks slightly less pretty girls to buzz around her.

I do think studying who you are in Christ will help. See if you can find studies about that. If you have trouble, I can help you maybe on the weekend. Or maybe Mack or somebody will help you.

Also, it sounds like you are from a large family. Little children flourish with enormous amounts of attention. In a large family, the quiet one who is good and takes care of herself may not get her share. It doesn't mean that you aren't lovable. It just means that there were too many things attracting attention and maybe you attracted less attention.

Okay - I am reaching here. You let me know if I am wrong and where I am wrong. Be specific. And ask me again about that study. There are lots of studies on this site. The 14 day study is good - cccc. You might try that one.

[Leshaun101]

It was my mom and my other 2 sisters. I'm the oldest and I never really got any attention. My mother and I where always falling out, cause of something I would say. I feel like she always showed the other girls more attention and did more things with them . At 18, she accused me of sleeping
With her husband put me out her house and all of this happened in front of my sisters, which I also think affected the way I feel about myself. I've reached out to them when I began my journey with God. I think we have a closer relationship than before, but who knows. In total my dad has 6 kids, but the first three are by my mother which includes me. The other three are by his other wife an d ex wives. I was able to be apart of there lives, because I moved with my dad after the incident with my mom. Even though I got out that situation it is often painful to go back there. She always made me feel like I wasn't good enough. I need God and he made his presence known at the right time. I used to be so angry. Thanks again for your help!

[dema]

God loves us through getting well. By the blood of Jesus we are forgiven from anything that gives us guilt whether valid or invalid. (I think most of it is usually not valid guilt.) But we have to work through our hurts with Jesus. One of his names is mighty counselor. Shoving things down and refusing to remember them causes problems. The little girl inside of you needs to be acknowledged. She was hurt. She has the right to be angry and to cry and to do things that make her happy.

It won't be natural for you to accept hugs or give hugs at church. But I hope you will learn to do that. I hope you will go forward sometimes when you don't quite feel like it. Not to run yourself ragged. But pray on it and you will know when you need to try a little harder to be with real people.

I'm so sorry your mother rejected you. A mother should never, never do that. It wasn't right. No child should ever be rejected by her mother. The Bible says, "Will a mother reject her child? Yay, a mother may reject her child, but I will never reject you." I said that from memory - can you find the verse? Correct my wording?

[Leshaun101]

I think this is it...
Psalm 27:10
For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in.
Isaiah 49:15
“Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you.

Thank you so much!!

[dema]

Good job! It was the one from Isaiah I was thinking of.