Christianity Oasis Forum

[helena]

It's no secret to those on Mum's side of the family that mental illness runs on the side of the family especially anxiety/depression/low self esteem, with a lot of them on medication or recieving councelling. For years i progressively deteriorated until it got to the point where I was constantly locking myself in the bedroom (as much as you can do when you are not allowed an actual lock), and was using pain medication to just take off the soreness of the muscles from being so anxious all the time. I hated myself and wished that i could just be dead, i wished that i had never existed. Sick of such a huge weight that i could not do anything except exist but felt unable to do anything for myself, so i prayed and i waited (and to any out there who were praying as well my thanks). One day it was like i felt this nudge and it was like God was telling me i needed to go to the Dr that this depression/anxiety was not to come between us anymore, now i'd been saying for years that i should go see one but noone really stood out and said "yes", or "i'll book you an appointment," like so many i suffered through thinking that i shouldn't need medication, and with the stigma around depression not being an illnes according to some in the community i suffered in relative silence.
My father working in the mental health community was VERY against me seeing anyone (although he did have me try an organic mood lifter that had little effect to no effect after awhile) and anytime Mum suggested taking to someone (so I later found out) he just told her not to tell me to do anything (chores) or growl at me because i couldn't cope. Although she did not believe this was the best strategy MUm kept quiet though she felt it was not right that i needed help because i could not cope with the normal everday living. Anyway back to the nudge (sidetracked much?) i was like ok God even though i was hesitant i went to the Dr had a few tests run then was put on medication.
After several months of adjusting medication up a few times i've been doing so much better, Mum says she has her daughter back, and finally agreed to let me move out (although she's still not keen on me living on my own). Since i've been on medication i've improved so much i don't get as anxious anymore, i'm not wanting to kill myself, i get excited sometimes not about life but about having a loving Father, about what can bring into my life. If i loose everything i own, every friend and family member then yeah i'd be upset but in the end it is the Lord that matters most and without the huge weight and emotional baggage i feel closer to Him.
Things that absolutely terrified me in the past i'm able to cope with now, not saying that i wouldn't feel scared/anxious but now i'm more ok well God's will be done what's the worst that could happen? He's promised that there will never be too much for us to bear, it's not all-encompassing negative emotions that i cannot push past (although some times were better than others).
Now i'm not saying everyone should go and be put on medication but if you haven't been coping for months/years go and see a Dr please. Mental health issues are just as much an illness as any other; i've come to accept that now, Mum's body doesn't produce insulin so shes on medicationl; the chemicals in my brain are out therefore i need medication for now. I'm so glad that God gave me that nudge; i'm depending on Him more and feel closer, I'm praying for anyone in a similar situation and remember to FROG (Fully Rely on God). May God bless you all abundantly.

[Timothy]

Thank you for shareing, Helena.
Its nice to "see" you again.

God Bless You, sister.

Timothy