Jan 1 st to Dec 2012
Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 10:37 pmThis entire year is only a few weeks from ending, over, gone forever and what an amazing unusual year it has been. I can only personally share what I had experienced from January 1st to the here and now all the ups and downs and where all the strange forks in the road I had faced in choice making offline as well as online encounters.
Offline me and my sons have been tight through it all each year with some extreme seasons through out life and yet still come out closer then before, that right there is a great note to end with but there is more to the rest of the story.
Originally I had been requested and prompted by folks in my dad's world wide ministry in winning lost souls for Jesus that has lasted now for over 25 years and counting to be a leader in it. I was very apprehensive about the idea knowing the things I know and have seen that goes on in any kind of ministry and wondered if I could manage. Asking self,"Can I deal with those who oppose or will I crack and crumble like so many others who were not equipt propperly." I also was facing a major heart break and ache from a previous relationship and other things I need to leave as confidential that I was dealing with. I had not read the bible for a very long time after 30 years of reading the bible and 12 of those years going to church as a kid, I had not gone in the longest due to so many pit falls found in so many churches as well as online sites. I had become a nervous wreck. I took the challenge my dad and the board members offered, I travelled some to places where we were able to wittness to the lost and win many by the tens and twenties with each place we travelled to locally as well as keep in contact nationally in the US as well as all over the world by internet and even the ministry faced what I thought to be the biggest challenge yet and that was ushering in wittnessing supplies to Siberia and we faced several challenges, number one, enough people to donate from churches and organizations to purchace the supplies and provide enough finances for shipping and handling. The other part worse yet was when it all arrived to customs it was returned, we had to send it back again with court order and legal matters and then another obsitcal was the location of the pastor in Siberia was way too far to get to the port were the supplies were. In the end after weeks of frustration and prayers from so many, it made it in and we months later got an over load of testimonies of lost souls saved and lives changed. Durring this time never did I see it comming the attacks on many levels happening around me, my family, and even in me as well. Absolutely none of it made any sense, not to meantion family issues have been occuring to. I ran to christian chat sites as an escape and my dad hated that because he saw my countanence stoop low and strongly discouraged me to continue because of many telling me because I am a female I have no place in ministry, or being told by some that I needed to be humiliated because I was full of pride, or told me it is not biblical to soul win because of predestination. Very few and I mean very few encouraged me in the Lord infact more so discouraged me. My dad and I would have flat out fall outs constantly it was awful. Then I had become double minded half way through the year this year. Part time leading the lost and writing up the ministry magazine articles , part time drifter on secular sites where I became quite popular even well accepted loved and enjoyed, I have no idea how but I made such an impact there many of them took my invite to some of the christian chat sites I offered and visited though they didnt stay long it made me think twice how much Jesus loves them so. I pray for them to this day I miss them so much. It was the most craziest opposite of spirit vs flesh I had encountered yet. I was like wow what is this what is going on what is happening to me? Then the stages of letting go changing mind and wanting to get even rolled around in my mind the conflict of the two. I had left here because I was falling apart and didnt want to cause this site any harm. I didnt think I was going to return. I reeked havock on other Christian sites due to what I knew what was going on with some of them behind the scenes, wont get into all that and I would display the division they caused me, and realised as well what I had given into, it was compromise that pulled me in. They would tell me things like I need a man to submit to brothers and sisters would say this to me, (not on this site to clear things up ok) but I Was like you think I need a man ,but you need some brains brother and reminded them it is Jesus I need before anything else and reminded them they need Jesus to.
Then the day came and it dawned on me, where is the peace love and joy developing in me, certinly not by the path I had been wandering on and the wrong soul ties I was mending to. Stage one, cutting of soul ties, that part was so hard on all levels things got worse before they got better. I was supposed to go to college this year and take up graphic arts for my dad's online ministry site and advance it more upscale for the exhaulting of the gospel of salvation to encourage the many in need who long to be apart of God's kingdom actively advancing together world wide as a church body BUT my heart blew out like a flat tire. My dad and I had the most stupidest fall out he and I both were in the wrong. I gave back the tuition money and went for employment as he harden his heart towards me. Neither one of us at the time were thinking about the sake of the gospel, we were focussed on the battle of the mind. It was so strange to as I ventured out to once again become an employed US citizen as I had made many connections on the job favore was piling up lightening speed and then BAM over night God cut it off like you would not believe. Everything turn on me in an instant finding myself on my lunch break getting hired at a new job before going home that day due to sexual harassment a man inflicted on me to turn it around on me, that I cleared up and the supervisors had security cams and saw all that had happened, I just could not stay any longer. The new job didnt last very long but durring that time I was able to meet many who were in need of prayer as one lady was dying of liver canser who gave me gifts every time I went to her house and a $50 tip in a Christmas Card but the company refused to pay me legal pay and I was getting ripped off. A few nights ago I logged in here just at my ropes end trying to play it cool. Well though playing it cool really didnt work, I opened my heart up to a few and man wow they prayers accended. One of the trusted here she said God will have the answer for you by the next day, and would you know 20 minutes before mid night my dad calls tears in his voice just reaching out to me, and the next morning this morning he called again and we not only worked things out but I am back where I started, working in his ministry and bought back all the gifts I had to return a few days ago so I could financially make it to my last pay check from the job I just walked away from. My dad said to me put your pride down and please accept my help, God needs you in this ministry and he then told me how wrong he was for comming down so harsh to me for so many years and then he told me that he and the board memebers said that God had invested so much into me it is irreplacable. I said Dad I think we have some online angels praying for us on CO. He just looked at me asking, what is a CO LOL ROFL. I said Dad never mind that now we have some lost souls to save. My dad said to me, just dont forget that this old man needs your hugs time to time. I said dad, ditto.
Offline me and my sons have been tight through it all each year with some extreme seasons through out life and yet still come out closer then before, that right there is a great note to end with but there is more to the rest of the story.
Originally I had been requested and prompted by folks in my dad's world wide ministry in winning lost souls for Jesus that has lasted now for over 25 years and counting to be a leader in it. I was very apprehensive about the idea knowing the things I know and have seen that goes on in any kind of ministry and wondered if I could manage. Asking self,"Can I deal with those who oppose or will I crack and crumble like so many others who were not equipt propperly." I also was facing a major heart break and ache from a previous relationship and other things I need to leave as confidential that I was dealing with. I had not read the bible for a very long time after 30 years of reading the bible and 12 of those years going to church as a kid, I had not gone in the longest due to so many pit falls found in so many churches as well as online sites. I had become a nervous wreck. I took the challenge my dad and the board members offered, I travelled some to places where we were able to wittness to the lost and win many by the tens and twenties with each place we travelled to locally as well as keep in contact nationally in the US as well as all over the world by internet and even the ministry faced what I thought to be the biggest challenge yet and that was ushering in wittnessing supplies to Siberia and we faced several challenges, number one, enough people to donate from churches and organizations to purchace the supplies and provide enough finances for shipping and handling. The other part worse yet was when it all arrived to customs it was returned, we had to send it back again with court order and legal matters and then another obsitcal was the location of the pastor in Siberia was way too far to get to the port were the supplies were. In the end after weeks of frustration and prayers from so many, it made it in and we months later got an over load of testimonies of lost souls saved and lives changed. Durring this time never did I see it comming the attacks on many levels happening around me, my family, and even in me as well. Absolutely none of it made any sense, not to meantion family issues have been occuring to. I ran to christian chat sites as an escape and my dad hated that because he saw my countanence stoop low and strongly discouraged me to continue because of many telling me because I am a female I have no place in ministry, or being told by some that I needed to be humiliated because I was full of pride, or told me it is not biblical to soul win because of predestination. Very few and I mean very few encouraged me in the Lord infact more so discouraged me. My dad and I would have flat out fall outs constantly it was awful. Then I had become double minded half way through the year this year. Part time leading the lost and writing up the ministry magazine articles , part time drifter on secular sites where I became quite popular even well accepted loved and enjoyed, I have no idea how but I made such an impact there many of them took my invite to some of the christian chat sites I offered and visited though they didnt stay long it made me think twice how much Jesus loves them so. I pray for them to this day I miss them so much. It was the most craziest opposite of spirit vs flesh I had encountered yet. I was like wow what is this what is going on what is happening to me? Then the stages of letting go changing mind and wanting to get even rolled around in my mind the conflict of the two. I had left here because I was falling apart and didnt want to cause this site any harm. I didnt think I was going to return. I reeked havock on other Christian sites due to what I knew what was going on with some of them behind the scenes, wont get into all that and I would display the division they caused me, and realised as well what I had given into, it was compromise that pulled me in. They would tell me things like I need a man to submit to brothers and sisters would say this to me, (not on this site to clear things up ok) but I Was like you think I need a man ,but you need some brains brother and reminded them it is Jesus I need before anything else and reminded them they need Jesus to.
Then the day came and it dawned on me, where is the peace love and joy developing in me, certinly not by the path I had been wandering on and the wrong soul ties I was mending to. Stage one, cutting of soul ties, that part was so hard on all levels things got worse before they got better. I was supposed to go to college this year and take up graphic arts for my dad's online ministry site and advance it more upscale for the exhaulting of the gospel of salvation to encourage the many in need who long to be apart of God's kingdom actively advancing together world wide as a church body BUT my heart blew out like a flat tire. My dad and I had the most stupidest fall out he and I both were in the wrong. I gave back the tuition money and went for employment as he harden his heart towards me. Neither one of us at the time were thinking about the sake of the gospel, we were focussed on the battle of the mind. It was so strange to as I ventured out to once again become an employed US citizen as I had made many connections on the job favore was piling up lightening speed and then BAM over night God cut it off like you would not believe. Everything turn on me in an instant finding myself on my lunch break getting hired at a new job before going home that day due to sexual harassment a man inflicted on me to turn it around on me, that I cleared up and the supervisors had security cams and saw all that had happened, I just could not stay any longer. The new job didnt last very long but durring that time I was able to meet many who were in need of prayer as one lady was dying of liver canser who gave me gifts every time I went to her house and a $50 tip in a Christmas Card but the company refused to pay me legal pay and I was getting ripped off. A few nights ago I logged in here just at my ropes end trying to play it cool. Well though playing it cool really didnt work, I opened my heart up to a few and man wow they prayers accended. One of the trusted here she said God will have the answer for you by the next day, and would you know 20 minutes before mid night my dad calls tears in his voice just reaching out to me, and the next morning this morning he called again and we not only worked things out but I am back where I started, working in his ministry and bought back all the gifts I had to return a few days ago so I could financially make it to my last pay check from the job I just walked away from. My dad said to me put your pride down and please accept my help, God needs you in this ministry and he then told me how wrong he was for comming down so harsh to me for so many years and then he told me that he and the board memebers said that God had invested so much into me it is irreplacable. I said Dad I think we have some online angels praying for us on CO. He just looked at me asking, what is a CO LOL ROFL. I said Dad never mind that now we have some lost souls to save. My dad said to me, just dont forget that this old man needs your hugs time to time. I said dad, ditto.